For first parents involved in open adoption...?

We were promised annual pictures and updates. They never did come to me, but the birth mother did receive 2 updates, and then they stopped with no explanation. Thankfully we were on good terms and she shared the pics with me.

I was also told that anything I wanted to write to my daughter would be kept at the agency and delivered to her when she turned 16. This is coming in April and I called the agency to let them know I was sending this letter, and was told that it would be up to the parents to give it to her.

The last 15 years have been 15 years of pain regarding thinking about her. I have not been able to talk about it to anybody all those years without falling apart, and so I haven't until recently.

I am still sending my letter hoping the adoptive parents are cool enough to give it to her.

Our adoption initially started out very open, with visits, pictures, myspace page, and phone calls. When they became pregnant again, they asked if they could move in with us, and did. They had asked us to adopt the newest baby also, then changed their minds. We maintained contact with the father, and with his older children and his mother.

Now that my husband passed away, our son is 2 1/2 years old, and we've reopened the doors of open adoption, and our son's first parents have realized that life's too short to be embarrassed over not placing our son's sister, and that we're all trying to do what's best for all the kids involved in our extended family, and that we all love all of them. The first dad is stepping up to the plate again, and being a positive male influence, and honoring the memory of the man our son (meaning all four of us parents) called "Da-Da".

I think that no one should ever enter into an open adoption if they don't plan on honoring it. I know that many feel threatened by the other side, and there needs to be counseling available for all involved to do what's best for the children involved, and even if one side closes it, there needs to be enough information available to both the first parents and the adoptive parents to be able to find each other, because most adopted children want to find the first parents, and that first parents ought to be able to have contact with their children.

We are prospective adoptive parents. The agency we are working with is VERY awesome. They not only truly believe in open adoption, they encourage birth parents and adoptive parents to be in direct contact. That means, no writing to the agency and hoping they forward to the parents. We haven't quite entered the pool yet (im slow on paperwork) but the seminar we went to had real birth parents and real adoptive parents that went through the process. They shared the good and the bad with us. The bad being adoptive parents who get stingy with the openness the birth parents who get obsessive with the child. But in the end, the process appears to be a very beautiful thing. In the state of WA they file a visitation agreement, and it is filed in court. Which means it *is* enforceable UNLESS the visits in any way harm the child.

I can't say how the process worked for us yet, but i believe in open adoption. and I can't wait to adopt and share the childs life with our family, and with his (birth family).

I believe in it.