To baptize or not in a multi-faith household?

So your son gets wet. Big deal. This does not lock him into any particular belief. There is nothing magical about this baptism, as it is invalid anyway. Baptism has to do with understanding the gospel, and a four year old cannot possibly understand the implications.

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I am a Wiccan and likewise would have no interest in my child being baptized. However, if my Lutheran husband pushed for it, I would agree. (we've even talked about it. Currently we have no children, but want them).

Marriage requires compromise. I see no value in baptism, but I also see no harm in it. Your child can STILL choose what to believe in when he gets older. Baptism does not somehow morph his brain into accepting Catholicism. So, as I see no harm in baptism, why should I put up a fight against it?

This becomes more problematic if the baptism requires a "confession of faith," as some answerers have said, but Catholics believe in infant baptism, where the recipient clearly is not expressing their own opinion. I am presuming that is the same expectation with a 4 year old. For Catholics, the confirmation of faith is done with the sacrament of Confirmation, not Baptism. If they are doing both, that's an entirely different scenario.

I agree about the reason why your son likes church. On the other hand, think of it this way: You don't believe that baptism really does anything, so why protest against it? Let it happen so your mother-in-law and husband will be happy. If the religion is true and the baptism really means something, the boy will be protected. If the religion is not true, then the baptism has not changed him in any way and has done no harm to him or you.

Careful about where all this could lead, though. Baptism is one thing. Your mother-in-law continuing to take him to church will eventually lead to his thinking that you and his father - if you continue not to go and not to practice the religion - are sinners. He will want the whole family to practice what has been preached, and he will be torn if this does not happen. You and your husband need to decide NOW what is going to happen in your family religion-wise.

Kids can't really decide what is true, and don't want to. They want to be TOLD what is true. They want to hear from their parents that they're SURE about God - not that this may be true or not, and that may be true or not. If you want him to believe in God, you have to decide on something to tell him, whether it's the Lutheran version, the Catholic version, the Wiccan version, or some compromise thing you and your husband come up with. Generally, in a mixed marriage, the person with the stronger religious conviction "wins." In a family with no religious convictions, neither should win. The mother-in-law should only win if SHE will be raising the child. (Or if neither of you minds and you're willing to rais the child her way.)

Once you decide, you need to be firm with the mother-in-law. On the other hand, if you are saying that she is the only one who can babysit at that time, you can't very well tell her to go against her heart and not take the boy to her church. You need to either let her go with her heart, find a way to get a baby sitter, or change your work hours so you don't work during church time. And if you decide the child is NOT going to be raised in the mother-in-law's religion, her son should be the one to tell her not to interfere by teaching him church doctrine at other times. On the other hand, he may be able to comfort her by telling her that he is being taught certain things.

This is a very tough one, and has torn apart many a marriage. You and your husband need to think about this VERY hard and decide what is important to you, and what would be best for your son.

This is a touchy subject, so I'll just answer with my own opinion assuming that you understand that only you and your husband should figure this one out.

Personally, I think that even if you baptize him now, it doesn't mean that it will determine his path. When he's old enough (whatever that age might be) he'll make his decision. If he thinks that being baptized when he was young meant nothing, then it doesn't mean anything. If he believes in it later, then it means something to him. Either way, he'll choose his own path.

The way I see it, both of you have led similar, but different paths (you and your husband). If you decide to have him baptized: Because he has been exposed to a variety of beliefs (from his family), then that means he knows that the faith he's been baptized to is not the only belief out there. So if he chooses to continue on that path, it has absolutely nothing to do if he was baptized or not.

I was baptized early in life, even before I could speak or walk. I was only exposed to the catholic ways so knew nothing outside of that paradigm. Later in life, I decided to not follow that path and I don't believe in the baptism I once had because of that thus it means nothing in my life.

Your son will soon make his own choices, either he was baptized or not.

Personally (again, this is just my opinion), if I were in your situation, I would just get him baptized and just get it over with. Roll your eyes or wtv, but know that it won't change anything in his life. That little boy will grow old sooner than you can blink your eyes, and he will have created his own path. Just like his parents ;-) (His father was baptized and look at him now, he chose his own path!)

I agree wait to let him make the choice himself. Baptism is a public confession of Faith in Christ. That should be his decision. I know some people wished they were not baptized without there understanding of what it means because it spoils the meaning for them when they actually want to get baptized. Besides the baptism may confuse the child at such a young age. It should be a willful act on the behalf of the person who is being baptized. That is my opinion. But the people who were baptized in Jesus time were adults or teens. I would just have him dedicated to God at such a young age. This is when the child is presented to the Lord and the Church. God tends to bless children who are dedicated to Him later on down the road.

It appears you and your husband have 'no real conviction' that runs deep in any direction right now. That's okay...there is a time a place where everyone finds their path sooner or later. But I guess my answer would be a QUESTION in asking 'What do you think it would HURT for him to be Baptized?" I actually refused to allow my oldest son to be baptized ALSO, because of his age when he 'wanted to.' But later I realized I was 'wrong.' The Bible says 'suffer the little children to come to me.' Then Jesus goes on to explain that we ALL should be as 'believing, trusting and OPEN' as 'little children.' That is the type of 'spirit' that God LOVES.

Whether you believe or not doesn't SEEM to be the problem. Even IF he is Baptized when he is OLDER he will change his life and beliefs as he sees fit IF HE WANTS TO, just like you and your husband did! I sense this may be MORE about a 'sublime' resentment' of your mother-in-laws involvement than about 'baptism.' Don't let that stand in the way of what might be a truly GREAT thing for your son. The Biblical example is one of 'goodness' and 'values' and 'rules' that even our governmental LAWS are based on. The values and morals TAUGHT are valuable to ALL PEOPLE for very good reasons, to spite whether they are even religious AT ALL or not! It is good sound advice for ALL people to know the end results of Adultery, stealing, killing, etc...is it not?

Allow your son to have the 'foundation' of what begins a GOOD and HAPPY life. Let him continue in Church and let him be Babtized!

Blessings to You and Yours,

Bunny7

I agree that a 4 year old is to young. However I do seen a concern about you and your husband. You both claim a belief system yet deny any connection with what you believe. Either leave it alone all together or decide what you want to believe and live by it. Religion is a man made doctrine. True Christianity is a way of life. A life dedicated to the following of God's Word and a Christ like life. The rest os the doctrines and rituals and rules are imposed by man's religion. Pick something and live by it, be careful what you pick it will determine where you spend eternity.

I think it is rather sweet that your Son enjoys Church because of the songs and coloring! I have 2 'grown up' ish children. I can only tell you my own experience of this. My husbands family are very traditional middle class anglican types, who don't like public displays of religious fervor, and believe somehow that if a child is not 'christened' or 'baptized' they cannot go to Heaven, as they perceive heaven to be. I waited with my daughter, and fought my corner, saying it was up to her, but when i had my son, i decided to just go ahead and get the Job done, my daughter was 5 at this point, and we where really the only family members not to do the whole traditional christening gown, tea party in the garden affair, it was actually fine, we had a joint service, and none of our chosen 'god parents' where actually Christian anyway, just nice folks we knew and trusted. My Daughter did have a brief dalliance with evangelical Christianity in her teenage years, my Son is totally non religious. I follow a Pagan orientated path, my husband swings between Atheism and spiritual confusion. The Baptism harmed no one, and satisfied my family.

<<My husband was raised Catholic and I Lutheran. He left the Catholic Church, but remains a non-denominational Christian. I left the Lutheran Church and became Wiccan. Neither one of us practices our religions or goes to any form of worship services. We have our beliefs, but are not religious people.>>

In other words, both you and your husband freely chose which belief system you adhere to. Hold that thought for a moment. . .

<<Our complication is our 4 year old son. My mother in law takes him to Bible class on Sunday mornings so I can work. I do not like this set up, but cannot afford to pay a sitter. My son LOVES church. Because of this, my husband wants him baptized in the Christian faith. He feels our son's love of Church is a sign of a deeper connection to the Christian faith. I think it's just a 4 year old who has fun coloring pictures and singing songs, and has nothing do do with deeper religion.>>

Reminder - you and your husband decided for yourself which belief systems you adhere to.

However, ironically, you want to deny that choice to your son - because he is embracing a belief system that you don't approve of.

<<I am opposed to baptizing our son into any faith. I believe he should choose his path for himself>>

Do you NOT see the irony here?

I think you'd prefer denying your son's Baptism, all under the phony guise of "letting him choose for himself". . . ? Clearly, your son seems to be choosing Christianity - but you have thoughts of denying him this choice - in the name of letting him choose! Do you not see the illogic and injustice of your thinking?

<<when he is old enough. In general my husband agrees, but not this time. I'm sick of fighting over this. Any ideas on what to do?>>

Your husband wants your son - his son - Baptized.

Your mother-in-law wants him Baptized.

Let your son be Baptized, lest you DENY him the freedom of choice you claim to want him to have.

Understand that allowing him to be Baptized does not mean he can't change his mind when he gets older.

I mean, your husband was raised Catholic. You Lutheran. Despite your Baptisms, you both were able to "change your minds". So why are you so hell-bent on denying your son the same choice both you and your husband have exercised?

Baptism doesn't do anything magical, it's a commitment a person makes, or their guardian makes on their behalf, to Christianity. Four years old is entirely the wrong age to baptize someone. Either when they're old enough to understand the concept of religions, or when they're too young to know what's going on.