Does this sound fair to you (vent about lazy partner)?

I understand that your husband is working from Monday to Friday. But you are also working 27/7. I think that there are lots of people out there that don't realize that a stay home mom is like having two jobs. And I don't think that it's fair to you that your husband does not help you. The one thing that gets to me is how is he supposed to have a good relationship with his kids if he's not doing anything with them. A good father would want to give his kids their baths or read to them before going to bed. But he's not even doing that. He doesn't even sit at the table with you guys. What is wrong with him? I think you need to have a good talk with your husband. He is also living in that house. You are not his maid. You are his wife and the mother of his children. Your husband needs to understand that he also has to do his share. He doesn't have to do housework but he can at least help you out with the kids. Your husband may think that he's the man of the house but he also has to see that if it wasn't for you and everything that you do then his house would be a disaster. I don't think that your husband realizes how much time you put in a one day. On top of that you go out and work and instead of showing how he appreciates what you do he leaves everything for you when you come back from work. I would not put up with that at all. You are human. You are not a robot. If you don't talk to your husband and if he does not understand what you are telling him then it's only going to get worst. What is he going to do when your kids start going to school and they need help with their homework's? Do you think he's going to be there for them? I don't think so. What you see in your husband now is what you are going to get the rest of your life if you don't do something about it. I think that he's taking you for granted and I think it's unfair to you and your children that he's not more supportive than this. And if you continue to do what you are doing now then eventually you are going to fall flat on your face because you are going to have a burn out.

Edit

I’m sorry that I misread that part when you said you would like to back to work a few nights. But that still won’t change my answer when I said if you continue to do everything in the house and taking care of the kids then getting a job is going to burn you out. You are already doing too much right now and adding to it is going to kill you. I understand that it would be good for you to get out of the house but your husband is so into himself that he cannot even see what this is doing to you. And I think you already can picture how it’s going to be once you come home after your work. The house is going to be turned upside down and you’ll be going to bed late because you will have to pick up after your kids and your husband. My heart really goes out to you because no one should have to go through what you are going through.

You are so right when you say that having a full time job does not excuse him for not lifting a finger with housework or spending time with his own kids especially on weekend when he does not work. And it’s so sad to see that your husband thinks that he does not need counseling. It’s a shame that he cannot see that you can only do so much. I don’t know how he would feel if he had to be at home 24/7 doing what you do. You say that you threatened him to leave and I wish I could tell you to do but I can’t because of your kids. But I think you already know that your husband does not think that you would dare walk out. And maybe it’s going to have to come to that for him to snap of the world that he is in. I really hate to say this but I honestly believe that if your husband doesn’t see a marriage therapist and if he doesn’t take a parenting course then you and your children are not going to stand a chance with him. He will continue to be who he is until he forces you to leave him. My only advice to you is if you can go for counseling so you can have someone whom you can talk to about everything that is going on. If you can go for counseling then at least you will have someone to support you while you decide what you have to do. Again I say that my heart goes out to you because you really don’t deserve this. You are the mother of his children and I hate to say this but your husband is not only lazy but he is also very selfish.

Because you have allowed him to do so and the longer you allow him to do so the hard it will be to state your case to him. "Why complain now?" is what he will be thinking.

You know we make our own beds then don't want to sleep in them.

You simply turn the dam t.v. off and if it were me I'd flip the damn couch over so that it was facing bottom up and leave a note on it saying "We need to talk". Then I would have a concise list of the things that were not working for me and our children and what it is I needed from him and what I wanted to do, or not do as the case my be.

There is no need to make a mountain out of a mole hill. It's called communication and understanding from both parties. If those two things can not be established then it is time for outside help such as a marriage counselor. If that fails then one has to determine if they are willing to put up with the BS or that it is time to move on.

Yeah I make it sound easy, but I too have been in your shoes and it is just that easy.

Well if I were a man I would want to marry you! NOT if you were to leave him then he would be forced to do these things but since that does not seem to be an option then like or lump it! It sounds like you are OCD about cleaning and your hubby would probably not do it good enough for you anyhow so why should he do it at all! And YES you do get paid you eat don't you and I really doubt that your running around naked with no roof over your head! and he must have bought you a computer. I am a single mom and would love to have a husband support me! my ex was a dead beat with no job at all and I did all the cleaning and provided daycare so he could *look* for work So I left him because I was not happy. so be grateful or leave and quit crying. Quiytic is right also I got the cheese for your wine!

The last time I checked, SLAVERY is illegal.

If he isn't willing to make an investment in family life, let alone your relationship, at least equal to the investment you are making then he isn't going to get any sort of gratifying return is he.

I hear what your saying. You relation is NOT equal. So long as he's 'tired' when he gets home he justifies doing nothing. It took a long time for this to develop, it's not going to change overnight.

I've seen people try everything, from yelling, screaming, talking, threatening divorce, making chore lists... it goes on and on.

Tell him point blank. 'This relationship is not working for me, I think we need to see a family counsellor to help us bring our relationship into an acceptable balance.'

'I didn't sign up to be your slave... I'm NOT happy and you are NOT pulling your weight'. Things need to change and I don't mean for one day either... so? What are you going to do about it?

Give him his options,

1) counselling

2) help out (every evening and weekend)

3) separation (he moves out and pays child support)

LAZY is not an option.

He has his job, you have yours. If you don't like the arrangement, work outside the home and then there is no reason why he can't do half of everything when you're both home. I can't stand chicks who complain about their working husbands not helping them around the house when they don't even have a job outside the home.

EDIT: here's an idea : if you're tired, nap when the kids nap. You have that luxury. Can he nap at work when he's tired? Nope. So when he comes home, that's his relaxation time. And don't presume to tell me there is no time to nap ... get your kids on a better schedule so they nap together thus giving you some down time. There was a time when I had 4 kids in diapers at the same time (well, three and one in pull ups) and two of them waking at different times throughout the night. Schedules are a life saver. And what if all the housework isn't done to perfection every single day? Will the sky fall down? No. If you choose to run yourself ragged and not take advantage of down time when it's available to you, it's not your husband's fault. It's your own issue. And trust me, if you take the attitude that you take with me with your husband, he's not going to hear a word you say. It's called nagging and b*tching. The male gender's ears shut off at the mere hint of it.

Cook for the kids, do for the kids but stop doing ANYTHING for him. He is either part of that family or he's not. And if he doesn't pitch in he's not, so he's a roommate. So do nothing for him...it's that simple. So you just have to learn to live with the mess till he wakes up. If people come over explain why the house is a mess, be honest.

I hear ya...

You must feel like yanking out his toenails with pliers while his hair's on fire, think about it but don't do it, instead talk to him and tell him that you want to raise the children right that you read a book and one of the most important value to teach children is "family" and it starts with the entire family sitting at the dinner table together and BOTH parents must unite to ensure their children's good future, ease in your husband with that then just keep adding to the list like both parents engaging in disciplinary plans, as you add more to your list, remind him "this is all for our children's well being and their future."

Either change your tactic ---- or except what you have and change yourself. I would suggest excepting him for who he is --- and allowign the house to be a pigsty to get what you want. Decide what you really want --- decide you are worth it --- and go after it.

Your anger is only hurting yourself and your children and a waste of your own time. Take action --- or change your expectations. It really is that simple.

What does he say when you ask him for specific assistance? For example, if you asked, "Honey, would you please give the baby a bottle and change the diaper while I get the others ready for bed?" what would he say?

My guess is that you are not asking for exactly what you want when you want it, just complaining to him in general terms like you are here.

Sounds like you do too much and he doesn't do enough. Talk to him about it and see if you can come up with a compromise and/or solution.