Torn between two best friends. Did I do the right thing?

Question

Well I've been best friends with these two guys since I was about 3 and I'm 17 now. Anyway I will call them Bob and Sam. Anyway Sam and me are going to the prom together and Bob is going to the prom with his girlfriend (who nobody really likes because she has mood-swings and isn't very nice but I've always tried to be nice to for Bob). So all my friends have been avoiding Bob a bit because of his girlfriend is really possessive and is always stuck to him and he keeps whinging to me about how nobody likes him anymore (especially Sam) and sort of trying to manipulate me to be on his side and telling me how everyone is being a ***** to his girlfriend (even though she has been awful and yells at everyone and talks about them behind their backs). The thing is with Sam is that he jokes a lot and is very sarcastic and Bob doesn't understand a joke and gets really offended. And even when I tell Bob that Sam does like him and he was just having a laugh Bob tells me he was serious. 

ANYWAY we needed to organise tables for prom and you can only have 10 in a table. Bob is upset because my other friends have told him he needs to break up with his girlfriend if he wants to sit on the table. I told him I would get him on the table and talk my friends around otherwise I would go and sit on a different table with him and his girlfriend. So I tried talking to all my friends and they weren't overly happy but I told them how upset Bob was and then sorta came around. Anyway everyday about 10 times both Bob and his girlfriend keep pressuring me with "HAVE YOU SORTED THE TABLES YET??!" which really put heaps of pressure on me to get it sorted. So I tried talking to my group all together and they were like yeah ok then and then the girlfriend appears behind me and is like "Ok lets put the tables down now" and dragged me off and all my friends were glaring daggers at me like I betrayed them. Anyway later on Sam tells me is really unhappy that Bob and his girlfriend are on the table and was annoyed at me for helping them even though I asked him several times and he knew I wasn't happy about it and never said anything and he's supposed to be best friends with Bob too but won't help him.

I don't know what to do, Bob isn't grateful and hasn't thanked me for all the trouble I went to, his girlfriend has yelled angrily several of my friends, Sam isn't really talking to me and neither are any of my other friends. I'm just feeling really alone and upset because all I wanted to do was to make everyone happy and to help out my old friend and I thought the others would understand that the girlfriend will only be able to talk to people directly next to her (and she would be next to Bob and another of my friends partners who nobody gets on with) and most of the time we will be eating and dancing. Plus all my friends are friends with Bob but would still desert him because they don't get on with his girlfriend. 

And to make matters worse I have about 7 assignments due next week and I can't bring myself to work because I just feel really awful and sad. 

Did I do the wrong thing? And how can I fix this? What would you have done?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't mean to sound soppy or anything but you seem like a lovely person. I don't think you should worry about the tables, let people suit themselves, i know that 'Bob' is your friend but you shouldn't have to change what you want or change your plans to suit him, his gf sounds like a pain in the neck tbh. Anyway why is it you imparticular that has to organise everyone else? let them suit themselves but by all means do what you can to help out. I've always found that trying to juggle two social groups never agrees with either sides of your friends, so what i started doing was stop worrying about what other people thought of it and thought to myself if they're really my friends they'll understand that i'm trying to please them aswell as my other friends (if that makes sense) 
My prom night is in 3 weeks and everyone! is going on about it, it's not the tables people are going on about its our transport, it's like all the girls in my group wanted to get a limo but two of them couldn't afford it so they've pulled out which meant that they couldn't get the limo because they don't have enough money and that caused a massive fall out :( 
I seriously wouldn't worry about it, you've done what you can. Try and enjoy yourself and focus on your assignments because that's what truly matters. Sorry i know i've rambled on abit but i hope this helps somehow.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow, i see your caught in quite a tough situation. Trying to please everyone isn't easy, and sometimes you need to stand back from the situation and let other people run the course. I personally think if you have a serious quiet word "Bob" about his girlfriend and how the others may feel, and try to let him know how you all feel it might work. Or alternatively speak to the girlfriend directly quietly, but that would depend on your relationship with her. Talking to "Bob" might be easier as you have been friends for a long time. Having a similar quiet but serious talk with Sam will most likely work. I think you should just try stand back for a few days and let it all play out. Then maybe approach one of them ? I think thats what i would do.

? · Answer

Yes and you sound like a good friend.

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Torn between two best friends. Did I do the right thing?

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