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I'm falling for a girl I don't want to, she's my friend and actually not that attractive but yet...getting?
I keep getting jealous, we meet a couple of months ago in uni, she's in all my lessons. I started uni wanting a gf, but I didn't want her to be a classmate as I spend too much time at uni in lessons so I wanted someone who I could go out with and change environment. Ok, now I started talking to her because she was kind of attractive and had a cool style, yet I wasn't actually talking to her planning to go out with her.
Ok, so I was the one who started the interaction, something I don't usually do as I can be a little bit shy. Then she started to talk a bit more to the friends I had. A couple of weeks ago I was an idiot, lost my inhibitions and my good judgement so i kept showing I liked her, the next morning I realised what I had done. As you know putting all your cards in the table is not a great idea and not good at all if she hasn't risked anything. I considered actually asking her out, "Hey V.... do you wanna go to the cinema watch....." but someone told me she kissed this other guy, she did tell me she liked him and I told her to go for it, me being an unselfish friend and not realising my feelings just yet. So as you can see, I couldn't do anything. Now what would you have done??
After that our friendship felt a bit strained as I tried to hold back and not make her think I liked her, it was a bad decision as my other "mates" started to flirt with her while I stopped myself. Now, people have told me she doesn't like the guy she kissed, and before I knew that I tried to get back to normal and we almost were until these "friends" upped their flirting even though they clearly had seen I felt something however small for her. Now they hug her whenever they see her, I have a problem with touching people so I'm not the one who starts the hug, and she hasn't hugged me for quite sometime.
So, my friends are flirting with the girl I like, and one of them is even considering asking her out, I think she might say yes, now that makes me sort of sad.
To counteract my display of unnecessary affection I got away from her and pretended I didn't care who she went out with, I asked her to present me some girls so I met her cousin, who is not that cute, alright at most. As I missed the plot, I accepted and now I made a stupid choice and invited her cousin out. Well that was silly wasn't it, and yesterday she hugged and flirted with everyone but me, and that indeed make me sad.
Now my question is wtf can I do, I know I shouldn't be jealous, I should forget about her, but I see her almost everyday and keeps popping in my mind. Can't seem to find the right answer. Any suggestions?
3 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
One big hint, if you're into a girl, never tell her to go for it with another guy! She might be checking to see how you feel about her, and she could be interested, but wants to make sure. If she does it again, I would say "he's great, but what about us?"
As for liking her, you have to ask yourself, do you really like her, or do you want her to like you? Sometimes ego can interfere with our hearts and create situations where we think we like someone, but what we really want is for them to like us, and if they do we leave them.
Further, by not flirting with her, she may think you're mad at her. I joke and flirt with nearly all of my female friends, but I'd never date them, its just normal behavior.
Finally, don't put yourself on the back burner, even for your friends. If you like her, tell them, and tell her. Worst case you get rejected, but then you'll know and can move on, best case you get a new girl. It might be difficult given that she probably thinks you've moved on since you're treating her differently, but its worth a try for your sanity's sake!
If all else fails and it looks like you won't be with her, I recommend not seeing her for awhile though, since if you keep seeing her you won't focus on other girls, and that's what you'll need. After all, when you get with a different girl and she gets brought up, you'll wonder why you liked her in the first place!
- Ovaltine JenkinsLv 71 decade ago
To be perfectly blunt...
You're being stupid for no reason.
Why are you making this more difficult than it has to be? It doesn't matter if you like her a little, your actions say otherwise therefore your friends are not in the wrong. She is fair game anyway. If you want her, stop playing around, && say something. It's clearly bothering you, so it should be an easy solution. Tell her how you really feel, find out her feelings, && put the jealousy to rest. If nothing comes of it, oh well, you tried && you obviously have no problems getting another girl. So don't worry so much about it.
- 1 decade ago
In the lyrics of a song "what started out as friendship has grown stronger..."
So face up to it and admit to your self that you have fallen for this girl, you like her a lot and tell her how you feel about her. Stop denying it to yourself and to her as you'll only end up hurting in the end.
What's so bad about having feelings for a female friend anyway? The best and strongest relationships are those that have a strong friendship base so this could be a great relationship if only you can be honest with yourself and then her.
My advice is ask her to join you for coffee at lunch and be open with her about how you feel and apologise for being an **** recently but that you didn't realise just how you felt. Ask her if she can forgive you for being an idiot and if she'd consider being your girlfriend. At worse you keep the friendship and at best you find yourself in a great relationship.