Adoptees: Factors contributing to your feelings about adoption?

Too many to type up.

Right now I'm tired of my Aps hiding the truth about my adoption and preventing me from reuniting with my mother and family. I feel like I was purchased and stripped of any rights to my birthright because my Aps don't want to face the truth to what they participated in and are partially responsible for. Lots of kidnappings and selling of children went on in the country I was purchased from.

They want to me to forget about my family, pretend that they are my natural mother/father and that they are my saviors.

How would you feel knowing that you may have been kidnapped from your family or that your mother may have been forced/coerced to relinquish you because there isn't one ounce of public assistance provided to them and birth control is practically illegal.

I am adopted, and the only things I know about my birth mother are a few scraps of information my parents remember. I know my birth moms first name, my older half brothers first name, and a little bit about what she looked like, and nothing else. And, when I was younger I didn't care, but now I do. I was adopted at birth because my birth mom knew she couldn't financially support me. I wonder all the time about it! Where they are now, mostly. And I would do anything to have open access to all that information, but even without it, I'm pretty secure emotionally. But I still would love these things.

However, all that being said, I think in many cases it would be to emotional for a child to be seeing their birth family all the time. I think the best would be to keep in touch and maybe see the bfamily maybe a few times a year, but not more. I would feel very confused and conflicted if it was like I was with both all the time.

good luck

tickles

YES, I think the lies and secrecy that surronded my adoption, contribute to me negative feelings about it. Also all of the under handed illegal activities on the part of my afam, against my fmom have me pretty well ticked off about the whole things.

My adopted daughter has the kind of openness you mentioned. Her first mom and family have access to her anytime. She is 3, so when she is old enough the access will go both ways and she can contact them anytime w/o my permission or even knowledge if she wishes.

I HOPE her adoption experience will be better than mine, but only time will tell. I hope that she wil be well balanced and confident in herself and her relationship with ALL of her family members

The way my parents explained it to me, there are two kinds of family: biological family, and the people who raise you. Just because mine happen to be different doesn't mean I can't love them equally. I personally could have access to whatever I wanted, they would even fly me back to China to meet them, but I don't really want to. I feel it's best to be open with your adopted child about what biological family means, and what actual real family means.

I don't claim to be particularly successful, but we'll see. My adoptive family worked so hard to give me a family, any failures of mine wouldn't be because of that. I am very secure, especially knowing I was chosen, that they truly want me. That's about all I can say! :D

The major contributing factor to my feelings about adoption is that Im adopted. :) This question, is once again, somehow placing blame on adoptive parents. Its adoption that sucks, the act of losing a part of ourselves, an industry driven by money and not what is best for a child, not our adoptive parents...

While I do think "some" of the grief may have been lessened had my ap's been more comfortable speaking about it, the fact is, I was adopted. I lost my first Mother. That in itself is an event "most" adoptees do not get over.

Open adoptions were not an option when I was adopted. If they were, my ap's would have never considered it, so just like the abortion connection, this does not apply to me, or most adoptees who post here on a regular basis. It would have been nice to have some tidbits of truth about my first family, though.

"Secure and well-balanced" ? Just about as much as anyone who grows up with strangers. Open adoption or not, we were still relinquished, and subsequently adopted, and still only have one wobbly foot in both families.

I was a domestic infant adoption. My feelings are the same for ALL adoptions, which is it should never happen unless there is abuse, or no one in the child's natural family to raise him or her, except in the cases of International adoption, which, to me, should be illegal, and is slowly making its way towards being just that!

I completely agree with letting the child knew from the beginning. my two children are adopted. This what I wanted. The adoption is open.

I think that children are adopted should be spoken to about it from the beginning. Knowing that their birth mother gave them up and discussing why this things happen. Also discussing that this does not mean she didn't love them. She wanted something better. The more open you are about it with them, the less likely they are to freak out about it later. I think that goes for all adoption. Also if possible I think pictures of the birth parents should be available for the children to see.

The factor that's influenced it is me having to live my life after having been abandoned by my own mom. NOTHING can make up for that, no matter why you haven't got your mom any longer.

i love that i was adopted to me my adopted mom love me so much she choses me in all the kid she could have had an to my birth mom she loved me so much she wanted to give me a chance that she couldnt give me becase she couldnt take care of me an she didnt want me to strugle just becase she was so she chose a familly that wanted me an that had time an could take care of me in every way now iam a mom of 4 an one one the way an i just hope i can love them as much as both my moms love me