Favoritism among grandparents? Anybody else have this problem?

Question

Has anybody else experienced grand-parental favoritism? Where the grandparents prefer one grandchild over another? I'm going through it right now, and it's so irritating. 

I have an 18-month-old sister, who I babysit about twice a week while her dad does odd chores for my grandparents. She's a perfectly sweet little girl, and very shy. We have a 9-month-old cousin who lives next door, and he and my sister get along great. The problem is my grandparents' reaction to the kids. Both kids get toys and things when we go shopping for them, but it's more the emotional repsonse to the kids that bothers me. My cousin is doted upon with love and affection by my grandparents, while my sister is all but ignored. This is especially bad with my grandfather, who is so sickeningly sweet with my cousin that it makes me hurt for my little sister when he brushes her off. Especially since she adores him. She runs to see him when he comes in the door, waits for his truck to pull into the driveway, and will walk around the house wearing his giant sunhat pretending to be him (it's adorable). But he comes in and gives her a passing glance or doesn't acknowledge her at all. Usually, he barks at me to make sure she doesn't get into something she shouldn't. When he does acknowledge her, it's either to demand that she do or not do something, or about how she doesn't want to give him hugs or kisses. I've told him before she's very shy and that she's intimidated by his size (he's 6' 3", she's 2' 7". He's a giant to her) and that he shouldn't take it personally, but he doesn't listen. My grandmother is a smaller offender than her husband, but even she prefers my cousin. I'm not saying they should prefer my sister over my cousin, but it should be more equal. 

I think at least half of this has to do with the kids' parents. My sister's and my mother is a recovering alcoholic and has battled with mental health issues and the law for the last twenty years. Recently, she screwed up again and has been ostrachized from the family. My cousin's parents are normal parents who have a lovely little apartment and have normal jobs (at least, my aunt does). I'm of the mind that just because my parents are idiots doesn't mean the baby should suffer. 

A good example of what I'm talking about is when both kids leave the house for the evening. My sister always leaves in the early evening, since it's a long trek back to her house, and my grandfather will either simply say goodnight to her or not say anything at all. Not twenty minutes later, my aunt and uncle decide it's high time my cousin was in bed, and all of a sudden, my grandfather is all over it. He'll not only say goodnight, but lavish him with hugs and kisses, calling him "sweet prince" or "tiger". Or he'll comment on how my cousin will be a pitcher in Little League in a few years. When I point out that my sister could also be in Little League (she's got a heck of a throw herself. Though she prefers hitting me with the ball to laugh at my pain), he'll brush it off with a wave of his hand and change the subject. This isn't sexism: he coached my own Little League team when I was younger. The same thing happens with other things; my grandmother and I got the kids Red Sox caps, since we're all fans, and he gushed over my cousin's little red and blue one. I showed him that we got one for my sister, too, but he brushed it off. 

I honestly don't know what to do. Don't get me wrong, I love my cousin. He's adorable and a blast to play with, not to mention incredibly personable. But I feel bad for my sister. My grandparents are the only grandparents she has, and I feel it's unfair that they favor my cousin so much. I mean, I lavish her with affection when she's over, but a big sister isn't the same as a grandparent. I want her to have good memories of my gradparents, but I don't see how that can happen when they ignore her like this. I've confronted them, especially my grandfather, before on this matter, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference. He changed for about two days, and then was back to his old ways. Does anybody have any suggestions? Because after yet another week of my sister being brushed aside, I'm at the end of my rope.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know that this is hard for you. My grandmother has always shown major favoritism. I was the oldest, and I was her favorite for a long time. My brother, however, wasn't so lucky. My oldest cousin (a girl) get's the short end of the stick as well, while her younger sister is treated much better. And the youngest grandchild is now the #1 favorite. She won this spot when I (not so nicely) told my grandmother off for treating my brother so badly. He barely speaks to her today. 
And my grandmother also picks favorites based on the parents of the child. I was the favorite because she thought my parents were too young to have kids and tried to raise me herself. Brother wasn't the favorite because my parents wouldn't let her raise him...   So,  I think you should say something. And not just once. And maybe say something to your cousin's parents. Make sure they know that you don't believe it's the child's fault. Ask them if they see a difference in the way your sister is treated. And ask them to speak up as well. My whole family calls out my grandmother. Children should be loved, no matter what. And your grandfather should be ashamed.

Anonymous · Answer

I sorta have the same problem. My grandfather shows favoritism to my 3 cousins. Like when ever we go out for dinner, and I use my phone he will tell me to keep it. But when my cousins use their phones at the table, they don't get scolded. And my mum seems to show favoritism too. Whenever I do homework, I get scolded. But whenever my brother doesn't do his homework, he doesn't get scolded. And I get blamed for anything that happens to him even if I wasn't the one that made it happen. And also I recently got 3 A's and 1 B in a recent exam and my mum said that I could do better. My brother got C or D's, and yet my mum is proud of him. Anyways the way I do it is not regard them as family, I've been doing that since this all started happening. You still call them mum or dad or grandmother or grandfather. But that is just an act.

Jessicat · Answer

i'm sorry that actually really sucks, but i don't think there's anything u can do. people always have favourites, i mean it's fairly obvious that my little brother is the favourite child being he's the youngest and only boy, but someone always has to be favored in some way. generally the grandchildren that live with or near the grandparent are the closest to them and the most favored, do u live with your grandparents? if not then the one next door see's your grandpa all the time and vice versa, and they just know each other better and get along better. my grandpa favors my cousins that live in the same town as him compared to me and my siblings who live in another state, i'm not offended because he doesn't do it on purpose, he just knows them better, see's them more often and on occasion takes care of them without any other adults around. i've never been alone with my grandpa more than an hour or two without one of my parents. it's human nature to prefer one over another. also, the one u see the most becomes more 'yours', i know that during family competitions with my extended family i've been more proud of my cousin compared to my 2nd cousin just by association, or my brother than my cousin, and it might be like that for your grandpa. i think the only thing u can do is try to let it go

Anonymous · Answer

I would maybe talk to your grandmother first- I find talking to a woman figure in the family easier than a male- maybe if you talk to her she could have a firmer word with your grandfather?
I have the same problem. My nan goes through phases of liking/disliking her grandchildren.
She hardly communicates with the youngest (who's 7) and me and my cousin who are both 16 because we're 'difficult' ages yet she absolutely adores the cousin who is nearly 19. At one point when I was around my sisters age (11) I was her favourite. I've gotten over my bitterness of her lack of communication, but I do feel sorry for the youngest, as he doesn't mean to be that loud.
I would just do the best you can to try and talk to them and explain how much you want your little sister to have a loving relationship with her grandparents and maybe they'll see sense
I wish you luck
:)

mothergomez@sbcglobal.net · Answer

Sometimes it has to do with parents, Some people like kids at a certain age. You may need to talk with your cousins parents, See if they see a difference. Your right it won't be long before your sister will realize there's a problem. I experience it still with my own children and their 4 Aunts.  They (the aunts) even gave a picture out to all the family members in beautiful frames. The picture was of all the female cousins with the exception of my daughters. My girls will have very little to do with them now and it greatly affected their teenage years. You have much to be worried about.

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Favoritism among grandparents? Anybody else have this problem?

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