What are your views concerning children that come out of homes full of marital problems?

Sadly many people don't think about marriage as a commitment these days,or work hard enough at keeping a marriage together-and it is hard work ! The fact that you are mindful of whats gone on in your families marriages tells me that you are far more likely to have a good n happy marriage because you will think long and hard before choosing someone to spend your life with,and will be more committed to your marriage because of this.

Dear girl..firstly as to the genes issue. Well genes do give people a predisposition.For example: if a child has an alcoholic parent,they may inheret the gene that gives them a {predisposition}for addictive behavior.That is not to say they will definitely become an alcoholic themself but that it is more likely than with someone who does not have that gene. Having said that, the next issue is example...When a person marries the "example' of what a marriage and happiness means.comes from their experience of their own parents relationship.Those norms and values{good and bad} are internalized They learn to deal and cope with the world and relationships in that way. They do not know any other way to react.... This is the reason why children from abused homes, for example ,very often grow up to become abusers themselves, even though on a conscious level they know how badly the abuse has affected them. What you would need to do, before you marry is try to ::relearn some good functional coping skills from the disfunctionall ones you obviously were exposed to as a child. It would take work..but well worth it.Just being aware of how you are reacting in a situation...working out if it is a positive or negative...and doing some rethinking is a good start...

I think people have found this to be the easy answer to they're marriage problems and take the easy way out. Although there are some marriages that have serious problems and there is no other answer. I don't believe that it is just your family, it has been in a large portion of the population. I think a marriage lasts just like it says for better or worse and you have to work together in the rough times life can deal. One person alone can't make it work both have to work at it to make it last. for example, When you really love someone maybe that person has a weakness that could cause a problem with they're health,work, family or other things but you don't walk away and turn your back because it's hard to deal with you love them more and stand by them to help them over come it and be strong. unfortunately it is this type of problems that cause many divorce. I would say that it would depend on how dedicated two people are to they're marriage.

I think every one is different in this world and just because of bad family history is there does not mean that two people will not love each other forever.

It is whether they want it to work or not. People have fights and they do not always get along and there are always things about each other that we may not like but when you truly love then it lasts.

A person just can't give up.

they have to keep the marriage a live and not let it become boring and too many people marry to quickly and really do not even know the person that they live with. Communication is very important in a marriage and if you cannot talk to each other then you always have problems.

But a person should not run out the door just because they do. They work out the problems and keep their love a live.

It does not make any difference how many times a person may marry or if they find a person each time with different qualities then their last mate. There are always problems that have to be worked out and it takes two people to do it.

No two people can live under the same roof without having arguments and disagreements and if you love them then you stay with them.

As a Christian, I can give you the truth to this problem.

You know the 10 Commandments - the first 4 are "vertical" (for God); the last 6 are "horizontal (for man). The second commandment tells you the answer you are seeking.

"you shall not make for yourself a carved image - any likeness.....yada, yada, yada.....visiting the iniquity of the fathers (and mothers) upon the children to the 3rd and 4th generations..."

What does this mean? This is all about IDOLATRY, PRIDE and SELFISHNESS. For we are called by God to come to a place of humbleness, of sacrifice and of adoration to that which is holy. If one does not accept God in this, then that person WILL set up something else in their life as their god. This is usually THEMSELVES ! In doing so, there is NO humbleness. There is NO sacrifice. Everything is done out of pure selfishness for themselves. That person will not humble themselves to ANYBODY ! (God mostly) This is NOT loving. This is not being kind or accepting.

For you see, marriage is not a civil construct. It is ONLY a manifestation of God's instruction to us in HOW to love like He loves us. This is a test. THis is only a test. This is a test created by God to see how SELFLESS we can become! This is why the Bible talks about marriage in the vein of "submission". (Eph 5:21) (submission would be the opposite of selfish)

Take a long look. The reason for all these relationship failures is because these people are so MASSIVELY selfish! They say and do all those things that are for themselves alone! They will not submit ANYTHING unto anyone else.

But where did all these people LEARN how to do this? Like with most things; they learned how to act from the parents! I would say that your family has little faith and even less Christian instruction. Not that being Christian eliminates separation and divorce. (50% vs 52% in the secular world)

But you asked WHY so much in one family. It's because this is how your "family" has been taught to treat one another. With disdain. With ridicule. And with an utter lack of sympathy for one another's sins. You are correct. This is not fate. This is the reality of God showing what IDOLATRY really means in today's world.

I think that children who come from that kind of homelife (like my own) are scarred and needy. I can understand the broken engagements - at least they broke up before the marriage. I do think there is some truth that genes can influence character. Certainly in my own family there is a tendency to alcohol abuse and now drug abuse.

I would like to say that I learnt from those around me - not true, I'm afraid. I was convinced I was different but actually I needed stability and love, so had children with totally the wrong man.

Knowing your history, I would advise you to wait until you are older, when you outgrow your own need to be nurtured, before you have children. I do think many children from broken homes are stuck in their own childhoods and although they will move on, eventually, it would be better if they were able to love their children unconditionally, rather than use them to fill the hole in their own lives. (If that makes sense!)

If I was coming from that back ground it is something that I would keep in mind, I would learn from the mistakes of others and think long and hard before marrying or having children.

If I was the partner of someone who came from this background I would definitely want to discuss things in great depth such as their view on relationships and marriage etc (which you should do anyway but it would be all that more important)

There are lessons to be learned from everything in life. Take those things into consideration and use them to benefit yourself when making your own decisions. You will be a better person for it.

Unfortunately, none of us have control over what other people do. We can only control how we react to it. We can learn from it, or we can make the same foolish mistakes. We can't blame anyone but ourselves for what happens in our own lives. Look around you and you will find that the smart ones use their experiences to better themselves. Look how many people come from a history of poverty, lack of ambition, or lawbreakers, only to become successful in life, for example. If you truly want it, you can be the one to break the negative cycle. It takes effort, but It is all up to you.

It should be a MAJOR consideration that is discussed before marriage, during the marriage and actively when the kids start coming. Despite what some people think, I believe that the couple should nurture their relationship and actually make it