question on mood swings, depression and medication?

Question

I have diagnosed depression. I know that I could find better things to do then ask this on yahoo answers. but, i used to see a therapist, the timing became difficult to keep up, i was always missing an appointment, because I forget, and frankly it got very expensive.

I have refused medication for 3 years, I have taken: zoloft, wellbutrin, and prozac. None of which helped me.

this time of year is rough for me, its the anniversary of a relatives death, whom I was very close to, nothing seems to be going right in my life, I am falling into a deep rut, and its getting very hard. Suicide is on my mind quite often, and I cut for 3 years, the main reason I stopped was because i can't deal with the scars, and the last time i cut, i had to have 12 stitches, and everyone was on my case, and I can't stand doctors trying to say, it will all be okay. 

I have horrible mood swings, trust issues, and abandonment issues. 

What do you think my options are? I'm not currently suicidal, it just is often on my mind. I was debating taking medicine, though it hadn't taken it for so long because 1, it didn't work for me, 2. i don't want to have to rely on some pill to be happy. I don't even take a pill for a headache. 

It's getting to the point, where I want to sleep all day, I'm always tired, i don't want to talk about my problems nor my past. I just hurt, I want to cry but can't. Its like my body tries to defend itself and pushes all emotions in some deep dark place, but when they come out, I break down. 

I don't know what to do. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

4Farmin · Accepted Answer

I am no doctor but I think it can be eased with medication, you and your doctor just have to find the right one. As far as the thoughts go, please think about what your thinking about. Do not go on feelings. Feelings are not facts! My Brother killed himself last year and it messed up so many lives. 

On the up side aren't you the one who told me to wait on my pregnant goat and trust that everything would be fine. Well we did that and she had twins last night! Yaaaayyyyy So if you think you have nothing to give, guess again. You helped a fellow farmer! Wisdom is a gift and you have it.
 
I really think you should talk to someone though....there again find someone you feel comfortable with. A good therapist can do wonders...trust me I have been there, maybe not to your extent but I know darkness. When I was able to get honest with someone (and myself) my world began to change. I'll always remember the sign on her wall that said "First you feel bad, then you feel worse, then you feel different" and I thought how in the world is that supposed to give me hope? But it did happen just like that. The day that I felt different was a wonderful day! That was when I understood the sign. 

I don't have any answers on medication...only just don't self medicate...that does not work (ie scars)

Yes we all have issues, but they can be used as stepping stones or stumbling blocks. We have to make the decision of which one it will be. I think stepping stones is the better way. 

You are going though this, but you are not alone. Just think....this too shall pass. Everything changes, nothing stays the same (except God).

I believe we are all here for a reason. God loves us just the way we are! He made us, and we are no surprise to him. He knows what we are doing and he will be there if you turn to him. Like a parent holding out their arms for a baby when they learn to walk. He will catch us if we let him. But my opinion is there are not short cuts! We have to work hard in this life that is for sure...but God gives us the strength to do it. 

So like you told me trust and wait and see what comes.....it could be wonderful like my goat having twins!

Brianna · Answer

I have been having the same problems and what you are describing to me sounds like you are bipolar. Which i am too. I was diagnosed a few months back. I was put on a mood stabilizer called Depakote and i also take Zoloft which seems to do absolutely nothing so i take it on days in which i have horrible anxiety. Try seeing a different therapist or a different psychiatrist. You definitely need something to perk you up because it's not good to feel how you feel. Believe me i was like you for months and now i'm starting to get over it and i'm getting more and more of my life back everyday. Do not commit suicide. It doesn't solve anything. Your problems are not forever...you can solve them...move on and be happy. Death is forever.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to be in the same sort of situation. My issue was that I was a past dweller. I would sit there day after day and think about all the grumpy things that went on in my life or even my boyfriends life it made me nuts.. finely I thought what can I change... everything that is done is done .. I had to move on and stop feeling sorry for myself and just learn to have a good time in life. I know its hard to do, but once you start learning how to move on and learn to get over things and also learn to deal with things without taking it out on yourself, life seems to open up and get way more fun. You find people want to be around you more when your not down all the time, and then you become to busy in life worry about all the small stuff. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Irish · Answer

You may want to join up with this website for a lot of valuable information and interaction with others. www.panicsurvivor.com Good luck to you.

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question on mood swings, depression and medication?

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