Is it rude to invite ppl to a wedding shower & not the wedding?

This very thing just happened to me. I was invited to a bridal shower and given the choices of a registry at Pottery Barn or Williams Sonoma. So, I picked out a gift and went, like I have done countless times before. I do not know the daugter well, but I work with her mother and have for quite some time. If I may, these people have a lot of money and I knew the wedding was going to be amazing.

I read on FaceBook about how excited MOB is - the wedding was "this weekend" and everything was coming together. There was an entire wedding weekend planned which I'm sure cost a pretty penny. Then I realized I never got my invitation.

To make a long story short, they picked a reception venue that could only hold 90 people so they had to pick and choose who they invited. I didn't make the cut. Even worse, the two women who hosted the shower didn't make the cut.

I have no issues if you don't have room, but why in the heck would you expect everybody and their dog to come to showers and bring expensive gifts? That's gift grabby, in my opinion. Apparently, in this case, money couldn't buy class.

This is just my opinion, but I think it is extremely rude. If you don't have space for people to come, please don't ask them to buy a gift.

Globetrotter1: I wasn't especially upset because I felt left out. I was upset that these people have enough money to outfit their daughter's new home three times over - in fact, they bought the home for her! It's just really selfish, in my opinion. The ones I REALLY felt bad for were the ladies who put the shower together and then realized that they weren't invited. THAT was really low!

No, that is very rude. It's like expecting a gift but not caring if they are there to see you get married or not. That's horrible. If you're on a budget - only include the people you can afford to invite. Leave them out entirely if you can't afford to follow up with a wedding invite. WOW - if any of these people are your future in laws friends - you're really headed down the wrong path there! If you are limited on space for your wedding - then you are limiting the number for your shower. Your wedding shower is only supposed to include your closest friends and family anyway. The shower isn't just to try to include people so they can celebrate by buying you presents. That's awful. It seems like a selfish attempt to get people who like you to give you presents without having to spend money on them. The whole thing is - that by the time all is said and done - you are going to end up with more checks and gifts than you can imagine. You are going to end up way ahead. So, if space is limited - it's limiting your shower too. If they like you so much that they have to buy you a gift - fine. But, you can't invite people to the shower like you love them sooooo much and then don't invite them to the wedding. It's just not nice.

Yes it is rude. The bridal shower should be thrown by a non-family member. Only the women who are invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

The only exception is if a group of people (coworkers for example) throw you a shower knowing they are not invited to the wedding.

Think about it this way, how would you feel if you were invited to a party that is thrown for the bride to get gifts but you weren't important enough to be invited to the main event?

Well, I'm not going to jump down anyones throat and say "It's So RUDE!!!" etc because I don't want to be mean, and it's not MY shower or wedding. Having said that, I personally do not think it is right at all to be invited to the shower and not the wedding, but like I said, that's not my place to say. Without being judgemental, I would not reccommend it. Hypothetically speaking, I think if you want a small wedding, you have to deal with the consequences of people feeling left-out. I'd rather not be invited at all, than be invited to the shower and have it rubbed in my face that I can't come to the wedding. Hope this isn't too offending to anyone :( x Hope this helps, and congrats! :)

y2-y1: Wow that sucks, I could feel how you must have felt while reading about the facebook bit and that you realised you never got an invite I almost cried lol! :) x

I'm sorry but it is rude to invite non-wedding guests to a wedding shower. It makes the guests think that they were good enough to go to a shower but not the actual event. If they want to still give you gifts they will.

Yes, its extremely rude and tacky!

First you are not the one who does the inviting for this or the planning of it. The shower is hosted by and given by a friend, bridesmaid, relative at their will not yours. Though most do ask for a list of who you would like included, this generaly is just close family and friends not your entire guest list for the wedding.

If you do then it becomes a greedy gift grab!

For any pre wedding events or parties you have, it is inappropriate, rude and tacky to invite people to them that you are not inviting to the wedding. For a bridal shower (which is a gift giving event), its basically saying "you're good enough for a gift, but not good enough to come to the celebration".

A few years ago, I was invited to a bridal shower for a girl at church (the pastors daughter). Took my time to find out where they were registered (all 5 places), got them a nice gift, went to the bridal shower and.. I wasn't invited to the wedding! Which I found very rude and offensive, which told me they didn't mind me buying them a gift or accepting my gift but that I wasn't good enough to come to the wedding.

It wasn't a mistake either, my mom was invited to the same wedding and our addresses were the same (I lived elsewhere but they didn't know that and still used it for a mailing address), her invitation was very specific that only my mom was invited the RSVP was pre-filled out with her name and the number of guests was pre-filled out with the number "1".

Sorry to jump on the bandwagon but it would be rude. Last year I casually inquired about the wedding plans of a work acquaintance who proceeded to send me a link to her registry. I had no problem with buying her a gift but as we got closer to the day I realized that I had not received an invitation. I decided to wait until I got an invitation before purchasing her gift but the wedding day came and went (and was held at a VERY large church so space wasn't an issue) and nothing was ever mentioned.

Yes, it is rude. Since showers are for the most part based on getting gifts, it would be rude to invite people to the shower and not to the wedding. I mean you could if you wanted to and just explain, but it would be pretty rude.

Showers are for close friends or bridesmaid to give for the bride or couple. The guest list is taken from the wedding guest list. Showers are much smaller than most weddings.

However, if your wedding is small, which is fine, you can invite all of the guests to one shower if your friends want to do that. But still, you have to invite people to the wedding to invite them to the shower if you are going to be polite.

I think its rude. I would be a bit put off if you invited me to the shower and then didn't invite me to the actual wedding. And if these people are so important shouldn't they have been invited in the first place? If they're are just co-workers or friends of friends they don't need to be invited at all but inviting them to the shower then saying they can't come to the wedding doesnt seem fair.