Questions for first moms (BSE mom especially)?

During the debate over the IL legislation to allow adoptees access to their OBC, I spoke to someone who was knowledgable about the history of the sealed records there. She said that from 1970(ish) to today, Surrendering mothers have been required to sign a form stating whether or not they wish to be contacted if and when the relinquished child requests it. 1/2 of 1% of Surrendering Mothers said that they had no desire for contact with their child. I don't recall the total number of women, but that is what the percentages came to.

This apparently fairly recently was argued in the Supreme Court in IL, as to whether or not their wishes, signed almost 2 decades earlier bound the records to remain sealed. The Court decided that the records indeed needed to remain sealed, and they went one further and decided that not only did they keep the records sealed for the ones who decided it, but also voided the consents for the ones who stated that they wished contact. The mothers who desired contact, who waited in eager anticipation for the contact with their children that never came, were never notified of the Supreme Court Decision or the fact that this decision overrode their signed consent, and even though they were not notified of the requirement for contact, there needed to be ANOTHER Consent to Contact form, signed after the Supreme Court Decision, on file.

I would say that the 1/2 of 1% would be about the number of women, across the board, who do not desire contact with their children. I know they exist. It saddens me that they refuse, but I also think that the older they get, the more will do so. And, saddest of all, the EMS mothers are now in their 60's.

I was reunited in 1990 much to my joy. I had told my husband, and some of my friends. An opportunity never arose to tell my other children until the reunion, but they were delighted, at first, with the idea of an older brother.

I believe strongly that the OBC should be accessible on demand to all the principles involved. I further believe that equal acess to identifying information, or the Amended Birth Certificate, should be made available to the mothers.

I support a repeal, at the federal level, of all laws that allow or order fraudulent Vital Public Records and those designed to support them.

1972, I was told that my daughter would never be able to find me and at the time I was told this was best for the child. I married my daughter's father 1 1/2 years later but only a few people knew about her. I went on with life thinking there was no way she could be found, her aparents were told the same thing. In 2001 things happened and I found out I could indeed search so I did. I found her, she was 29. We are both glad, but she had her own set of problems and a family. We get along great and I'm thrilled to know her.

It took me a long time and counseling to feel worthy of searching for her. Honestly, I felt for many years that it was best if I wasn't found. Why turn every body's life upside down. She was never going to look, she figured I had a good reason to give her up. I probably would have freaked out if she had found me, since I was told it just couldn't happen.

It was really hard to tell people about her, after all she was huge secret, my DAD and my son didn't even know about her. But, I was prepared for anything.

Now, I feel they should be able to search or at least have some kind of contact person and they should be able to have their OBC. It took me a lot of years to come to this conclusion.

I'm in the UK so records aren't sealed here and my son was born in 1981 so after BSE officially ended but then again there are other differences here to the US. Private adoptions are illegal here, abortion has been legal in the UK since 1967 and mothers were still being treated the mothers from BSE until the early 1980's here. So my identity being hidden wasn't an issue because adult adoptees can access their records including OBC from the age of 18. I lived and breathed the day that my son might find me but as it turned out I found him without actively searching. My sister had actually told my husband about my son so when I found him it wasn't a complete shock for him. I thought reunion would end the pain of surrendering but it just made it worse for a lot of reasons which I'd rather not go into atm. I don't regret finding my son despite the ways things turned out - reunion failed after 5 years - as I know he is alive, well and I will always love him.

Unsealing records in the USA is something I really feel strongly about as I know it works for adult adoptees to be able to access information. Adult adoptees and natural parents can still refuse contact but at least adoptees can get the information they want and any more is a bonus if they want it

1972, i became advised that my daughter might by no potential be waiting to discover me and on the time i became advised this became ultimate for the toddler. I married my daughter's father a million a million/2 years later yet in ordinary terms some people knew approximately her. I went on with existence thinking there became no way she ought to be chanced on, her aparents have been advised the comparable ingredient. In 2001 issues occurred and that i found out i ought to certainly seek so I did. i chanced on her, she became 29. we are the two happy, yet she had her very own set of issues and a family contributors. We get alongside great and that i'm delighted to understand her. It took me a protracted time and counseling to experience worth of finding for her. truthfully, I felt for some years that it became ultimate if I wasn't chanced on. Why turn each physique's existence the different way up. She became by no potential going to look, she figured I had a stable reason to grant her up. I probable might have freaked out if she had chanced on me, in view that i became advised it purely could not take place. It became quite annoying to tell people approximately her, after all she became extensive secret, my DAD and my son did not even understand approximately her. yet, i became arranged for something. Now, i've got faith they ought to be waiting to hunt or a minimum of have some style of touch individual and that they ought to be waiting to have their OBC. It took me a great style of years yet to come back to this end.

"did you want your identity forever hidden from the child you lost to adoption?"

No

Did you keep that child's exisitence a secret from your future husband and children (and friends)?

No and Yes..

How did you feel when you were found, or how would being found make you feel?

I searched and found my now adult daughter 11 years ago.

Finally as a first mom, how do you feel about unsealing OBCs?

Have no problem whatsoever...everyone should be able to get a copy of their OBC, including people who were adopted as minors. Adoptees should have access to their original birth certificates, no exceptions, no compromises. The right to have a copy of one's own OBC should never be confused/confounded with contact/reunion issues.

I never want my info a secret. Yes, I kept my child's existence a secret, from my friends when it was found out. I looked like a BIG FOOL! I wish it had never ever had to be a secret. Because, now I feel like my friends think, everything out of my mouth is a lie.

That argument is a farce. Records were closed to protect the adopters. I never was promised, nor did I request anonymity from my child. I loved the fact that my daughter searched for and found me and I searched for my son who had registered his name with a reunion group. I am very gratified to be reunited and to know what happened to the children that I was forced to surrender. I can never recover the missing years and I have had to mourn that fact. Oh, and I never kept my children a secret from those who mattered in my life. I told my raised children as soon as they were old enough to understand.

I not only believe that all adopted people should be allowed access to their OBC's and I also feel, just as strongly, that natural mothers should have access to identifying information on their adult child.

First: I was fighting the agency and my parents in order to keep from losing my son, so I wasn't trying to hide my identity from him. This was in the late 1960's.

When I was finally forced to sign the surrender papers, I read the document carefully and I noted that it said I was only relinquishing rights to a "minor child." I was not bound to a "lifetime no-contact" promise and when my son was an adult I would search for him.

When my son was 21 I found him. He told me that he had been searching for me, so our reunion was mutually agreed upon. The agency also indicated to me that they had been contacted by him.

However, I found him through private means. Our reunion changed my life for the better. Although my son has now passed away, I am glad that I was able to know him for 18 years, and I also now have my granddaughter in my life. She and I are close.

I always told anyone I was seriously involved with that I had given birth to a child who had been adopted. It was not a secret.(my parents, OTOH, continued to lie to their friends, but I didn't live near them).

For many years I have worked on legislation and bill-writing committees for records access. I support access to identifying information for all 3 parties to the adoption.

ETA: I also believe in open adoption,when and where adoption must occur. Having worked in search/support for many years, I found that adopted people grow up the same in "open records states" like Kansas, as they do in closed records states...that is they have the same feelings,the same loss, and they may not even know the records are open to them, until they decide in adulthood to try to search for their natural family. If no one tells them they were adopted, they may not ever know until their adoptive parents die.Even with open records, it may be far too late in life to restore much of what has been lost.

ETA: Sly's proposal to repeal on a Federal level all Vital Records laws that have falsified Vital Stats makes sense. it was the government that started the process of collecting and registering birth data in the first place.Vital Records are used in the compiling of national vital statistics.

Birth registrations are required by the government because the government wants to keep data on people....such as how many people of a certain age are alive at a certain time. Parents and hospital personnel must supply the birth, medical/delivery, and identifying information to the government.

Birth certificates were never intended to be personal records for babies to know the identities of their parents. In the past, parents kept their own personal family records and these were handed down.

Vital statistics have also been recorded in the census files....long before birth registrations/certificates came into being. The fact that the adoption industry has been allowed to falsify the Vital statistical data on people is an outrage.

Im not a first mum Mindi, but I thought I'd point out that it was actually my first mum who found me. Obviously my first mum had no problem with open records.