He wants us to purchase a home -- Should he propose marriage first?

To buy a home without a marriage first, is an unwise thing to do. A marriage is a protection for you. IF you buy before you marry, and you contribute to the purchase, your name must go on it at the time of purchase. If it is all of his money, then he is buying the house by himself. The both of you aren't. It costs maybe $100 to get married by a justice of the peace. Have a reception/ceremony next year. Seems like he has the time/will/resolve to make a 30 year legal commitment to a house, but not to you. HHMMM! Something is wrong here. He doesn't like legal contracts, but is willing to buy a house. He'll enter into a contract with a bank, but not with you . . . . I personally wouldn't waste my time. The clock is ticking.

It's a very bad idea to buy a home with someone to which you are not married. You should keep all finances (checking accounts, savings accounts, insurance, etc) separate until married, otherwise you're opening a whole can of legal worms if you "break up" (if you divorce, there's a process for separating common assets). If he's going to buy a house, put only his name on the mortgage and then come up with a contract where you pay some monthly rent to him until you're married. Also, don't buy common property (don't each go half in on couch). You own some things, and he owns some things. If you buy a washer and dryer, one of you buys the washer, and one of you buys the drier. Keep a clear list of who owns what. But I'm with you - if he wants to get buy a house, I would push him to propose first. But again, until you're legally married, I wouldn't put your name on the house (many engagements end. Do you really want to have to add a lawsuit on top of ending an engagement?)

I wish I could scream this out to you but since I can't I would advise you very STRONGLY to not, I repeat not put your name on the mortgage unless you can pay for the monthly cost of it and to live on your own salary. It is very foolish as a woman to ever link their credit to anyone other than their spouse. Even then you may come out the loser of a mortgage. You must protect your credit at all costs because it will effect your future financial well being.

I was married 10 years, I had the better credit. He had an affair, we divorced but since my name and credit was the primary on the credit cards, auto loan, home loan etc. I was the financial responsible party, never mind that the court said he must pay his part of the debt, the debts were essentially in my name. The companies that loaned the money could really care less that the secondary party is court ordered to pay that debt, your name can't be removed from the debt until it's paid off. Therefore, if they fall behind on payments it's your credit. I got the house, he got the pickup in the divorce. I had to refinance the house to get his name off of it. Thank God that God was looking out for me and the ex got tired of me calling him when the truck payment was due or when the credit card collectors would call because he was late paying he decided that he would get a personal loan to refinance the truck in his name and added the credit card debt to the loan. This cleared me of it financially. Do you know what happened to that pickup??? It got repossed.

Get my point? Be very protective of your credit and think with your head, not your heart.

i agree with you. if anything have him buy the house and after you get married he can put your name on it...if you want. my husband and i bought our house in june and were married that following october. but before we bought our house we also had a date set and everything was in place for the wedding. we just didnt want to get married and move into a house all at the same time. its too stressful. so when our lease was up, since we had everything for the wedding in place, we decided to get the house. but i wouldnt put my name on a house without a propasal of at least a year, a date set, and further commitment for the wedding (down payment on a venue, cater booked, etc). dont get me wrong you can still move in with him, but just keep a mental timeline that if living in the house for a year and there is no ring...there probably wont be one. i wouldnt even keep asking him. he knows that you want a proposal and a wedding and marriage.

Your name can be on the deed and on the mortgage without marrying.

One has nothing to do with the other.

A mortgage is more of a commitment than marriage, in my opinion. Divorce is easy compared to getting out of a mortgage or property ownership.

Deciding where this relationship is really going is important..being married first then buy the home is a wonderful idea..it's depends on what you want to do and can live with.

I would want to be married first. Why sink money into a home that isn't yours? If you break up you have no recourse. I agree - I wouldn't do it. As a matter of fact - I'd stay at the apartment while he moved...might show him that you are serious about the marriage part of your relationship.

Commitment is very important...do NOT buy a house with this guy until you have a ring and a proposal. I say find your own apartment too. Then he will see how serious you are about this.

You are not old fashioned at all. You are modern in that you have already agreed to be his wife by habit and repute, meaning you are his common law wife. For all intents and purposes you are a practising wife. Just do not have a piece of paper saying so. What then do you want him to do. The idea of money has caused you to think differently. Your motive, it could be argued, is fear of investing money that could turn into a loss.

If he wanted you for a legal wife he would have asked you by now. Make sure you do not pressurise him into marriage because marriage is a long slog and may turn out to be hard for you. Wait for him to think the way you do. All you can do is to let him know that you would like to be his wife if he chose to ask you, but you do not want him to ask till he is sure that is what he wants. Do not mix issues else you cloud the decision making systems in his head.

He got it backwards! First you get married and then you buy a home. With a marriage contract it will be harder to walk away from the investment.