What if a Bridesmaid can't go to the Wedding Rehearsal Dinner?

Well first off, if I were the bridesmaid who is taking the class, and a groom said that to me, he would have to go to an ER shortly there after. What a jerk! It is therefore no wonder they think Thursday is a better day for the rehearsal! and that it is OK to send e-mails to change the date, and Ok to change the date! Have they had their showers yet? They need an etiquette handbook!

She is studying to be a lawyer. She will be judged [pun intended, LOL], on every detail of her pre-law classes and behavior. Skipping one class could be a disaster for her. She is not going to a party college and howling and getting drunk every night. When I was in college, serious student kids came to class sick and half dead, skipped funerals, weddings, they were expected to be in class no matter what. and knew they could blow a carreer if they did not show up.

And why for heaven's sake why did they wait a month before the wedding to set/change a rehearsal dinner date? What are they doing, having a back yard potluck[Rivers thinks the backyard is fine, it would be the potluck part that is questionable behavior]? You sure can't book a restaurant or venue around here a month in advance! And Rivers lives in a small town surrounded by more small towns.

And you are right, stay out of it. You can attend, your schedule is clear for that night. As you said, you are there to support the bride. People who make unreasonable comments like the groom did are jealous. and unless you want venom directed your way, keep your mouth closed until after the event.

It is not a big deal, most ceremonies are not complicated, it is a matter of walking down the aisle, and standing at the alter, and walking back down the aisle. Some brides might make that more complicated than it needs to be, and that might need some going over. And the officiant really wants a rehearsal, so all he has to do during the ceremony is talk. It would be awkward for him or her to direct where people are standing and walking during the ceremony.

Be a good bridesmaid, and after the rehearsal, call the one who could not attend, to tell her any details that might be different from the norm for the ceremony. If the bride has one ounce of etiquette sense, she would call her and brief her, but we have already established she might be lacking in this.

And just between you and me, the date is not being changed to accommodate out of town guests, there is something else going on with the bride and groom. I would bet on it, if I had money.

Is the problem the dinner or the actual rehearsal?

If the bridesmaid can make the rehearsal, but not the dinner, then I think the groom IS overreacting. If the bridesmaid cannot make the rehearsal, then I think there is a problem -- the rehearsal is where she will learn where to go, what do to, etc, during the ceremony.

I worked full-time while getting my MBA, maybe not as big a deal as law school, but it was definitely a big deal and a priority to me. However, I found that most professors are quite understanding about students having lives outside of class (kids, business trips, family events) and are often very open to working with students when they have a personal conflict with class.

If the bride is looking to you for support, why not talk to the bridesmaid and get an understanding of why she cannot miss that class and help the bride to understand & keep her groom calm about it -- it could be finals week for her, and then you would understand her inability to skip class, you could work to explain that to the bride. ALSO, the bride asked, this girl answered that Thursday wouldn't work for her -- the bride & groom chose to disregard that information, which isn't the bridesmaids fault.

Okay, if the groom's concern of the Bridesmaid not being able to attend is he is afraid the Bridesmaid will not be up to speed about the procedures during the wedding - I have a suggestion to that.

Have one of the people attending the rehearsal that is not a part of the wedding (maybe there's some family member that's going to the rehearsal that is just there because they are family - or get someone over there to do this) ---

Get a home video recorder and recorder the entire rehearsal and give the tape to the missing Bridesmaid for her review before she goes to the church (or where ever the ceremony's taking place). That way, he can be certain that she is pre-prepared for her duties as a Bridesmaid.

Sometimes spouses of the attendants in the wedding party get invited to the rehearsal - have one of them do the filming. I think if there's any other reason he is insisting that this Bridesmaid be there (such as he wants her there just because of some ridiculous "principle" he has personally established) then he's just a jerk and nothing is going to satisfy this guy except her presences.

Well, good luck.

The bride is rude to change the dinner to something that is difficult for her bridal party to attend. If you can't go, advise the bride that you will not be at the dinner, only the rehearsal.

If the groom will be angry and hold a grudge, too bad. Once the wedding is done, she no longer has to have contact with this self centered couple.

It is too late as there is already a conflict. Being a brides maid is a simple task and need not be rehearsed. Sure, the bride and groom may be disappointed, but they selected a nontraditional rehearsal night and it conflicts with a brides maids schedule.

I say stay out of this one and let the brides maid who cannot attend the rehearsal speak for herself. You get yourself in the middle of this one and there is no telling what can happen to your friendship with these people.

Allow the brides maid to handle this and stay out of it all together so it does not look like you are taking sides.

To get "very angry" about such matters is ridiculous un needed drama on the grooms part.

She should try her best to be there and if there's no way to make it then she should sit down with both the groom and bride and explain to them that she just can't go and they need to decide on what they want to do with that information. Me, personally, as a bride to be, get very frustrated having to hear excuses for EVERYTHING. My bridal party knows the responsibilites that come along with being in my wedding and there is ONE bridesmaid who ALWAYS has to be "different" or wants "special assistance" with anything I ask her to do so if this bridesmaid is just being annoying she needs to just step out of being a bridesmaid but if she really isn't being an annoyance and really can't make it to this rehearsal dinner then the bride and groom she be understanding...unless she's bailed out on something else that was important before like the bridal shower or bachelorette party.

The determination to have a coins bar or open bar on the practice session dinner is yours. However, your household is also unto whatever by way of looking to get you to save cash. Weddings may also be steeply-priced, and, in case your visitors are happy with a coins bar, that can be find out how to move. No, you don't need to pay to your bridesmaid's hair. Simply allow them to realize that a legitimate styling isn't fundamental. Congrats to your nuptials!

The groom is being unreasonable. Unless they sent out strict agenda of dates to everyone and told them each one was mandatory before comitting to being in the wedding, then he should relax, loosen up and not try to be so controlling. Life happens. He shouldn't hold her a grudge. If they already said Friday and then asked to change it to Thursday, knowing that would mess up some people's plans but did it anyway, that was the risk they took.

This happens alot during weddings, the bride and/or groom get tunnel vision and seem to think their wedding is the only thing going on. Even if they are able to take off an entire week to do wedding things, not everyone else involved can.

At this point, your friend has a right to be upset, but try to keep it in perspective. He may be stressing on this one issue b/c of all the stress of the wedding. He may think this is THE most important thing in the world right now, but I am sure he will have to work at holding a grudge forever.

If it's work, maybe she can at least attempt to see if someone can switch shifts with her. If that's absolutely impossible, she just needs to stand up for herself and give a polite call/email that she was planning on coming Friday and she still has Friday free for them, but Thursday is just not going to work. Perhaps she can come out Friday as planned and they can fill her in on the details.

If they choose to kick her out of the wedding and find someone with no life and no balls who will just bail on their job and school for one silly dinner, well then I think it will be their loss not hers. She just needs to stick to her guns as nicely and politely as possible and ignore all comments about holding grudges. Keep her dignity and grace and hopefully they will get over it, or some other minor wedding disaster will strike for him to stress about. Really, the wedding will not fall apart if one subject--err I mean member of wedding party, isn't present.

Good luck!

Its not really fair because the they we informed on time. People have obligations and lives to continue. They are not being reasonable at all. It seems it is more important to have family there than the bridesmaid, They made the decision. She must simply say i will try to be there on time i really will. There still is possibility i may not be able to attend though. I will do what is in my power to get there on time but its not all up to me. Maybe if she has work she can get ot early or something like that. Nothing is impossible if you truly try. Good luck and best of wishes!!!

He's being a total groomzilla. If she can't go, she can't go. Question though, why is it she can't go? Is it something where she absolutely cannot get out of work, or is she coming from out of town and arrangements had already been made and would be too much of a hardship for her to change them? The groom is already proving to be a jerk and I think there's really nothing she can do or say to 'not cause conflict.'