How do I explain to my children that they aren't as important as their cousin?

Been there, done that....and the sad answer is that you can't control other people, only yourself and the sad fact is they have made their decisions and made them clear to you. So, the first thing to do is to accept that there is nothing that you should or are supposed to do about it. If they don't want to spend time with your kids, you can't make'em and shouldn't even try to guilt them into it. Really, do you want anyone around your kids who aren't thrilled to be with them????

I'm NEVER, EVER in favor of attempting to force kids into the lives of people who aren't particularly interested in having that interaction, a deadbeat parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle alike. It really just does harm to the kids. And the reality is that if you don't force a relationship or bring up the in-laws that much your kids won't miss that interaction because they do have parents that love them.

If your inlaws have only been to your house twice in twelve years, the only way that your kids can possibly know that they are being neglected is if you pass that message on to them. You don't have to do that.

If your child sees them in the store and asks why they take cousin johnny to the store and not him, tell him because Johnny lives with them and you take him with you because he is yours. If he asks why can't he go over to play and grandmas house, you will have to let him know that grandma would have to extend an invite and she hasn't so he can't. It only matters to kids as much as we let it matter to us.

They seem to have a warped sense of what grandparenting is about or they feel overwhelmed with your nephew from putting all their energies into him - both are not healthy ways of dealing.

I think telling your kids what they said is ok, "grandma and paps feel that you (your kids) have a better life and don't need as much attention from them, and because your cousin only has a mom, they believe that they need to give all their attention to him." Tell your children you feel that they are misled in their thinking right now and hopefully they'll change their mind some day. Don't tell the kids in a mean spirited voice as you don't want to influence them to be bitter towards their grandparents. Express that you wish it was different but that sometimes people just are that way, we can't change others, we can only manage ourselves. Sometimes doing random acts of kindness for someone you want to be in a relationship with, helps to win them over. Might take some time though and you have to believe its worth it. Are you able to have your children interact with their cousin? Are there ways you can help to bridge the gap between them and the grandparents.

I never met my grandfather on my dad's side but his mother was not a child person either - far from it. Us grandkids NEVER developed positive relationships with her. I found it consoling that my mom's parents loved spending time with us/me and loved to have us over.

My mom had the same problem when my cousin was favored over us. Because my aunt wasn't really that great of a mother so my grandmother had to raise her up until she was like 12. My grandmother would always go all out for my cousin and she wouldn't really bother with us unless it was are b-day or christmas. My mother just told us that no matter what anyone else in the family did we were always the most important thing to her in the world. It made me feel better despite my grandparents lack of attention.

Ugh, same situation is happening in my family. What I am thinking it is here is guilt. Is the nephew of yours their own kid's child? If so, that could be it. My grandma has to take care of her daughter's daughter and she gives that kid the world and I believe that is solely because my grandmother feels guilty about the life choices her daughter made and feels she has to make everything up to my cousin. I don't know how to go about discussing it with the grandparents... all you can do is keep focusing on your own kids and giving them a good life. It is sad, but that is the way it is sometimes. Keep your head up and keep giving them a great life :)

I would NOT tell your kids they are not as important as your nephew. But I would tell your oldest child to ask them. It is alot easier to say something like that to you, but lets hear them say that to an 11 yr old child. Which they might, hopefully not. Hopefully, it will make them realize they are neglecting their other grand kids and are losing the chance to get to know them. But be prepared for them to say mean things to your child. And make sure you have something in mind to tell him right after wards, in front of the grandparents. If it was me, I would explain to the child that your nephew does have a bad mommy and no daddy. And that the grandparents are just trying really hard to make his life happy, so they are spending all their time with him trying to make it up. And that they just feel really really bad for him and that they know how good your kids have it and are very happy and proud... bs bs bs. Whatever you have to say to make sure your children are not hut by their selfishness. Do not make them look like bad guys either, because that will still hurt your children's hearts. Good luck with this.

im so sorry but that is just messed up because they should be in their lives just as much as the other child. im so sorry. if i were you i would take them to their house and act like nothing is out of the ordinary and MAKE them spend time with your children maybe they will get the hint.