Unsure. Can you please help me make a decision?

Honey, you already know the answer. You married a man you knew you didn't love. You know it and I know it, you said it in the question. That was dumb, but you were weak, maybe lonely too. It never works to settle for who you can have, if you can't have who you love. Can you see why? Here you are now, with a shot at the one you wanted all along, and see what's in the way?

Your husband deserves the respect of being set free, you deserve your shot at love, and to hell with all the self righteous bible bashers who think there is a greater power than the power of love.

But whatever you do, do it with commitment, belief, and certainty, leave yourself no unburned bridges, if you hesitate to burn the bridge, ask why? So, no affair, one guy or the other. If you try to stay married whilst being with a man you don't love you will get seriously hurt.

Do NOT have the affair. If this man that you have loved for 4 years feels the same about you, he will wait to have you. Tell your husband that you want a divorce first and move out and file for divorce. If you have an affair, your husband will be able to take almost everything, including kids if you have any! If you do have an affair, you will lose your marriage and most likely not end up with your love in the end. If he sees that you will cheat on your husband with him, then why wouldnt you cheat on him later on, when something better comes along. He will never trust you again. GOOD LUCK and make decisions that you can live with. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Let the truth out and be with the one that loves you and makes you the happiest.

How do you think this would make your husband feel? To know he was only a back up husband because the one you really wanted was taken! How could you stand up there and say those vows when it was all a lie? You have some nerve. So if you want this other man, do your husband some common courtesy and divorce him. Don't lower yourself anymore (if that's possible) by having an affair. You know, I hope your husband has been having a raging affair with some hottie! Or even better this other guy doesn't feel the same about you!

Your mistake was settling, and marrying a man who you didn't really love. You exchanged VOWS with this person that you obviously didn't mean. How incredibly cruel that is to do you your husband. I'm not trying to be cruel to YOU, I'm just really trying to understand why you are living this lie and leading on a man who is probably perfectly good and loving to you. Get a divorce from your husband so he can find someone who will truly love him. Do this BEFORE you sleep with the other man and make a complete fool of yourself.

You are seeking approval for cheating on your husband from a bunch of strangers. By writing, "please don't be cruel", you already knew it was coming. First of all it doesn't matter what anyone of us say, as I said, we are just strangers. You have already made up your mind. You want the other guy who is NOT your husband. Regardless of why you married your husband, you did. So whatever you do, effects him directly. Does he know you married him as a second best? I doubt it, because he would not have married you and you wouldn't be in this situation. If you cheat with another guy, the other guy will NEVER trust you. Because you cheated on your husband to be with him. So, if you do this, expect it to be a fling. And expect to destroy your marriage. So what is it you really want?

The song goes 'If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with'. Not camp out until the one you love becomes available and then drop a man who loves you. There is no honorable exit strategy, but you have to divorce him or you will hurt him to no end with your cheating. Divorce your husband, get the man you want and look for the bill marked kharma that will be sure to arrive.

good luck

Pretend your husband is asking this question instead of you. How would that make you feel? Personally, I'd divorce my husband before I cheated on him. If you can't/won't divorce him then I guess the affair is imminent. I don't get why you "couldn't have him" before but can now?

Don't do it. It's so wrong. Your husband will find out eventually and will be deeply hurt. If you love the other guy and he's available (single) then divorce your husband and go to the other guy. Don't have an affair.

You have already made one mistake by marrying someone you don't care about. Don't make another mistake by having an affair. I don't know what there is to be unsure about. Adultery is WRONG. ALWAYS. Nothing confusing about it.

If you really want to be with that other man, divorce your husband. And there is this about affairs -- do you really want to be with someone who would cheat? Once a cheat, always a cheat.