Feeling angry, care to read?

HD, What's it 2U, and caz all gave you precious sound advice IMHO. You absolutely brought it directly home with the last verse. Your rage was palpable and your imagery vividly painful in its scope as well as detail.

Technically (Sorry...I AM an editor!):

In S4/L5&6, I would eliminate "no" to be more consistent with the next thought:

"I wish you more than just dead

More than merely lifeless at my"

Then, S5/L1, should "discussed" be "disgusting"

Finally, S5/L3, either "have driven" or simply "drove" without have!

I have only endeavored this critique because I highly value the write overall, just so y'know! Write on...

I like it!!

I might suggest a few tweakings on this piece:

Stanza 3, Line 7 drop off the word "up" at the end of the line

Stanza 4: end the stanza at 'disposal'.

Stanza 5: toss it, it's unecessary and actually breaks up the flow of thought and power you have maintained throughout till then.

Stanza 6: L3 is unecessary to the stanza

So, with stanza 5 removed, it would read:

As you gather your crowd

of sinners and the wicked,

I sweat and bleed and spit

foul thoughts that corrupt my mind.

I wish you no more than dead;

no more than lifeless at my

disposal.

The sick twisted irony,

that I should be the incarcerated

when the reality of it all

you are the tainted, ugly beasts.

Your poetry tends to be lengthy Poetry Writer so your challenge is to go back over your work a few more times with "elimination" and "tightening" in mind. I have to do it all the time too as I am prone to be verbose myself.

For example in your first stanza, you could easily have said . . .

Caged behind iron doors

shackled

for spectators

to laugh

and caught the exact same expression in fewer words.

I do like your expression of anger, here very much though; you made the reader "feel" it along with you and yes, it's so true that we ourselves are in lock down and shackled to what we give away our power to ........... in this instance to our anger.

P.S. this work is good or you wouldn't be getting the time devoted to it by your peers :O)

Keep writing and posting

hey I like I'd say to add power set the MY series in the poem apart?

My rage, endless energy empowering me

My tears, burning a hot trail down my face

My shrieks, stabbing away at your ears

My blood, pools of pure prejudice at your feet

My dignity, tucked in your back pocket

Well written I think. You sound angry and with good reason. It is a natural reaction. Take a deep breath and release all that anger. I look forward to reading more from you. Hopefully happier words dear. Life is beautiful in spite of the ugly parts. Much love and all the best always! :)

Happens to me too. It will probably happen next week, so be on the lookout for Humpty losing it. I admire the strength of your rage, but also hope it abates and you feel better. Writing can be cathartic and people here understand when someone is angry and not quite at their best. But you were expressive! :)

Im not much of a poem writer but I love to read them. Every time I see that you wrote a poem I always read it. I love your work and how it is always so meaningful. You could say Im your biggest fan.

verse 6 to me made this poem more powerful I enjoyed reading this , it's one of the most original poems

I have read .

Thank you for posting a good read

I think we can all relate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8BjKQkym8w

this is good