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I would really like an oppinion on my poetry. help me out please? be honest. thanks=)?
-Like A Dragon's Fire-
-Willeeum McIntosh-
Like a dragon’s fire our love it breathes.
That we’re made for each other is what I believe.
To have come this far, and surrender now?
We’re standing as strong as the world will allow.
With a spring in our step, and a song in our mind.
We travel through troubles with our hearts combined.
Our fingers interlocked, our sights set ahead.
Along this perilous path that we tread.
Like a dragon’s fire, our love it shines.
From the fusion of both of our hearts and our minds.
The glow sheds a light on the road in the distance.
We have proven our love in more than this instance.
Our fight through this pain and this distress should prove,
This connection, our bond; can only improve.
We refuse to give in, or take a step towards retreat.
It is our burning shine that makes us complete.
Like a dragon’s fire, our love it burns.
It warms us like sunlight, and destroys our concerns.
Please, come with me; I hope you’re not seasick.
Using warmth from our love, we will sail the arctic.
This passion inside us, is the source of the flame.
Kept burning by the vows of true love we proclaim.
Wishing I could have wiped every last one of your tears.
I will catch every tear as we cross new frontiers.
Like a dragon’s fire, our love will spread.
Leaving all anger smothered by great joy instead.
These effects have no limits, blessing many a thought.
Bringing our widest smiles, what most men have sought.
One day they’ll know, that our hearts beat as one.
Our hearts tell the tale of all the battles we’ve won.
Never losing hope, struggling until we’re forsaken.
Fighting against these rules, while our laws awaken.
Like a dragon’s fire, our love it protects;
Us from ourselves, and the harm it deflects.
We have conquered our troubles, our time has come.
Even as frost engulfs us, love is in blossom.
why would i write poetry that doesnt rhyme if you dont mind my asking?
4 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Hello Willeeum,
Your poem is very good. However, there are three suggestions I will offer to help you improve.
1) Almost all poetry is wrapped up in emotions....so, my first suggestion is: Try to let your feelings dictate the words you use.
2) By writing in stanzas, your poetry picks up life--a life of its own. You ALMOST do write in stanzas in this poem, every time you write, "Like a dragon's fire,...." That signifies a new stanza.
3) Be aware of your line-count....each stanza should have the same number of lines....4,6,8, or 10.
If your poetry does not rhyme, your line-count can be odd or even....but always the same number of
lines in each stanza.
I'm here to help you...not to hurt you, because I've been where you are today.
Source(s): Accomplished Poet - william wLv 61 decade ago
Actually Willeeum, I've had people tell me the same thing----write poems that don't rhyme. But you have to write with what you feel is your strongest method. Some of the world's greatest poets have written in rhyme--Robert Frost being one. You definately have the ability to write good poetry. That was apparent in your first several lines, and the flow was very good. When you get to the line "We refuse to give in,--try "or step to retreat" then go over all the lines after that,because some of the lines lose the rhythm, and you'll see which ones, I'm sure. In what I saw there was like just one extra word in some of them--get rid of the unnecessary word, and it's fine. You're thinking and word choices for the most part are great. If you want to, don't rhyme one or two poems--I have--but go with what you feel works for you. Good Luck, and Keep Writing----william
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