I just pulled out of my friends wedding as MOH and I feel crap!?

Don't feel bad. When a bride doesn't want to talk to her MOH, only text, she is putting real distance between the two of you, and bride and MOH are suppose to be close. If she has not answered you, she could be sitting and fuming that you cannot fulfill her idea of the duties of the MOH. Personally, I think that she was expecting too much from you, especially financially.

Try calling her one last time, and if she does not come to the phone, leave a message with her mother, roommate, whoever, explaining that you are sorry that you cannot fulfill the duties of the MOH, and that you are confident that she has enough time to find someone else. No need to go over your personal situation any more. Whether or not you attend the wedding is something you can decide later. If not, then a lovely card and something not too expensive from her bridal gift list, sent from the store, will be fine. She may or may not send a thank you card, and then you will know what kind of person she really is.

Your own life sounds really interesting and busy. Get on with it, and enjoy your family.

Whoa! You know all the activities you thought were expected of you aren't actually mandatory? I mean, if this bride had her own set of expectations you couldn't meet, then you were right to step down, but you might still have been able to perform the role with less expenditures.

What I would have done is sat down with her for a chat. I would have brought up my concerns and see what she had to say. From there we would determine together if I was fit for the role or not.

Text messages really were not the way to handle this. And of course your friend is going to react to you agreeing to the role then dropping out, she has reason to be upset, if she is.

Now that the mistakes have been made, it's time to do recovery work. Pick up the phone and make a phone call. Apologize for the way you handled things and briefly share your predicament. Hopefully she is receptive. At the end of the day, if you can't afford to be in the wedding, you can't afford it, so leave it at that and don't make excuses and try to justify your position. It might make you feel better, it won't make your friend feel better. And for all you know, she will cut back on the expenses or help you out because she wants YOU to be her MOH.

How long can a text be? Did you fully get to explain yourself in the text or did you only write "sorry I can't be your MOH" with no explanation.

Sounds weird of her anyway. You are her MOH...yet she can't take the time to talk to you on the phone...she wants you to text her the issue? That's odd.

I think you need to call her and invite her to lunch..or to come to your house and hang out. Apologize in person for turning her down, give her your reasons, and tell her you can help her find a replacement. Since her wedding is still far in advance, i'm sure she could find someone.

It's good that you told her now instead of waiting till the last minute. She'll get over it...and maybe already has. It's understandable.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, and it is smart to consider you future and the future of your family.

Perhaps tell her that you do want to be her MOH, but will not be able to afford all the things on her list.

Are there any other options, ie, can the girls attending the hen's night pay their own way for the night? Can one of those girls organise the night? Transport and outfits for your family are standard for any wedding, but you might be able to hire a suit rather than pay for a new one.

Also sounds like you are being asked to organise a lot, and you also have a family to organise! Have a think about who might also be able to help you. Write down specific tasks and deligate them out !!

good luck darling x

I think you are doing exactly what needs to be done for your family. You have thought this through and try to make it work and realized you cannot swing it. Most wedding at least ones i have been to MOH do pay for their and may be expected to do the bridal shower but not have to pay for all the other details you have mentioned. I would give her another email and just ask that she got your last email and that you were honored for her asking but it is just to much for you and your family to handle. Do not feel like crap you have done the right thing.

It sounds such as you and your sister have a tempestuous dating and you're letting that shade the countless adventure. She did no longer prefer to observe you are trying on attire. Frankly, i do unlike observing individuals try on clothing - even wedding ceremony attire. no longer my element. no longer involved. i do no longer think of between the responsibilities of the MOH is that she has to observe you are trying on hundreds of similar white robes. yet, she did no longer might desire to be rude approximately it. If she did no longer prefer to bypass, she could have merely stated civilly, "you comprehend, that's no longer possibly my element, yet i won't be able to attend to work out the single you %.," somewhat of coming up you experience awful. She has a element approximately bridesmaid attire - she will might desire to purchase it and positioned on it. shouldn't she get some say in what that's? She's a bridesmaid, after all, no longer a brideslave. yet, she does not might desire to be unfavorable approximately it. She could make some rational arguments for her case, confer with the different bridesmaids and you, and then comprehend that the superb decision isn't hers. So truthfully what i'm seeing is that the two one in each and every of you comprehend precisely a thank you to push one yet another's buttons and probably you the two overreact approximately issues a dash. Is that in the time of any respect attainable? ;) besides, on the top of the day, her purely might desire to-do job is to show up on the marriage, wearing her outfit, and stand the place she's asked. in case you place that as your expectation, you will save your self a super type of difficulty and headache while she does not prefer to bypass to your fittings or assist you handle invites. keep in mind: bridesmaid, no longer brideslave.

Even if she is angry, these things happen in life. I think you did the very best that you could. She has until September, you gave her so much notice. I would totally understand if I were the bride and if she can't understand what you've told her then maybe she isn't as great of a friend as she seemed. Try not to feel so bad, you did the right thing for yourself and your family. I was a BM a couple years ago and it was extremely expensive.

there is no way you should be paying for everything!!! that is out of order so dont feel bad, and you didnt want to tell her over txt that was also her choice. shes has basically backed you into a corner, if shes your friend she should have known about the financial struggles you have. im getting married next week and my sister is my MOH i bought her dress, flowers, accessories, hair and shoes the only thing she has paid for is her underwear, nails and make up but i even offered to help her out with that. she organised my hen do to fit around her finance and family. i ddnt have a clue and it was amazing. i have never heard of someone putting their MOD in the situation she put you in and there is no way on this earth i would of even dreamed of doing that to mine!

You have given her plenty of notice, she has lots of time to find someone else and you had not actually gone through with dress fittings yet. You can still have your husband as usher and just say you need to mind the children for the day. Most of the stuff you will probably still have to do but you can pick suitable stuff for your budget

Your "mistake" was not insisting on telling her face to face even though she asked you to text her.

But that said, she's obviously disappointed. Let her be. You have 2 kids (almost) to deal with and not a lot of time or money.

She'll get over it, find someone else and it will be a lovely wedding.

She may not send you an invitation because she's hurt. Get over that too. Just consider this to be yet another stumbling block in the road of life we all take.

But she'll get over it - you should too.