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I want to leave my fiance.....?
but he says if I do he won't see the kids.
We've been together 7 years and have 3 kids, we've had some good times, but more bad times. He is verbally abusive to the kids, and a few other things and I have not been happy for a long time. He won't go to counceling either. I have stayed and tried to work on things with him and he does try for a few days/weeks but then things are back to square one. Even when we're having good days I still think 'this won't last, I want to leave anyway'
He told me that if we broke up he wouldn't want anything to do with me so therefor wouldn't see the kids. I told him he's being silly and despite our feelings for each other and despite the fact we are no longer together he is and always will be their father and they'd miss him if he didn't see them. He told me 'well, if they miss me then that's your fault for leaving' I just cannot make him see sense. A few people have told me perhaps he's just saying all this to try and make me stay. I feel trapped because if I stay I am unhappy, but at least the kids still see their dad, but if we break up then they might not see them.
What do I do? I really want to leave and have him still see the kids on weekends etc.
btw, no rude comments please. No saying things like 'why aren't you married?' or whatever.
Shirley, I do see your point, he's not always bad and I am hoping to get him to go to anger management and parenting classes. Even have supervised visits if need be.
DM: The reason we are not married was because of money. We are engaged and have been for a while though. I'm glad we're not married now though obviously.
He has said in the past that it's best if people stay together so that way you don't have to pay child support. He's also said he'd stay with someone (me) even if he wasn't happy because we have kids together. He says if we break up it wouldn't be fair on the kids, but won't listen when I tell him it's not fair on the kids if we stay together and are unhappy. Kids would rather come from a broken home than be in one.
5 Answers
- DeborahLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
He's using the kids as a weapon. If he won't go to counseling there isn't much you can do and if he is being verbally abusive it's best to get out now. words can hurt worse than a punch and if he is verbally abusing you it is just a matter of time before the slapping starts.To be honest if he is this way the kids might be better off without him. what kind of father says I don't want to see you because your mom left? not a very good one. as the old saying goes any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy. keep your chin up and take your kids and run like the devil is on your tail because he is.Both you and the kids will be better off without him whether he decides to see the kids or not.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
well my advice is yes always do whts best for the kids but if he is verbally abusing ur kids NO WAY get out of the relationship..i had a bad childhood bc of my stepfather verbally abusing my mom..it puts SOO much stress on the kids..the kids may not grow up with a dad which is a bad thing..but go meet a nice guy and settle down with him..the kids are much better off without a dad than with one tht puts so much stress on their life..looking ahead this stress could lead to drugs and drinking...just saying maybe not but thts what happend with my sisters..get out of the relationship if he is threatening to have nothing to do with u or the kids he obviously dosnt care about them or you then..therefor if he's saying tht..then why is he in the relationship!?!
Source(s): my experience - Anonymous1 decade ago
Truth is, he didn't commit to you for marriage and now he's willing to continue the trend with his own children. I'm not being rude- it's how it is.
Follow your gut. That inner voice is there for a reason.
It's up to him if he wants to see his children. I wouldn't waste energy on trying to change him when he doesn't care. I would forge forward to a positive future.
Source(s): My opinion is that using money as an excuse not to marry is lame. It does not cost much to go to the court house and get a license and have an informal get together. Money is an excuse only. It's good you two didn't marry if he's this awful to you all. - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- oogabooga37Lv 61 decade ago
He's being manipulative and it's working. If it isn't working then break up!
