Help me explain to my son? (sort of long, sorry)?

Question

My son is 17, his fiance is 19, and their baby is due this month. They were living on their own and I was busy with my own new baby, divorce, and foreclosure. I moved into a tiny two bedroom apartment with my older son, who was helping me with the bills, and my ten year old and the baby. Then my ex moved back in, my seventeen year old and his fiancee moved in, and suddenly I have 7 people living in this tiny apartment. Let me preface the problems by saying that I adore his fiance and do not want in any way to hurt her or make her homeless just because of my problems or my son. The problems: 1) My son is not working, but his 8 months pregnant fiancee is working 2 jobs and contributing $200 a month to the household. 2) My son does not help with housework or clean up after himself and his friends except on rare occasions. 3) My son thinks he should, and is entitled to, enjoy his life until the baby is born, and allow his fiancee and I to handle all of the responsibilities until then. 4) My son and his fiancee are sharing a room with my other two boys and complaining about space. 5) He wants me to get rid of my cat because he is afraid of toxoplasmosis even though his fiancee never touches the litter box.  6) He yells at his fiancee for working too much, but doesn't realize that she wouldn't have to if he would just get a job and help her out.
Because he is only 17, I do feel obligated to take care of him to an extent, but financial and space constraints make this extremely challenging, and his attitude towards the situation makes it even worse. He decided to be a grownup and make a baby, but that seems to be as grown up as he plans on being.  
How do I explain to him that he is asking too much of me and of his fiancee? (And his brothers and baby sister.)

Generic Male Greek · Accepted Answer

Dont let him be a lazy, whiney little puke. If he got off his *** and started doing anything productive it would make your lives a whole lot easier. Throw HIM out until he has something to contribute, keep his fiance

? · Answer

Okay,  he laid down with that woman, had fun, and now he can't hand the result.  Tell him to get a job and quit making the poor girl work.  She is pregnant and doesn't feel like doing much.  He is 17 - He can get a job.  His Girlfriend does not need 2 jobs.  He can get off his lazy *** and work.  Quit taking the $200.00 and tell them to put it in to a bank account so they can get there own place.  or take the money and u put in to a bank account and give it to them.  I am sure your children are not enjoying sleeping with people that are in a relationship....nasty.  Tell him to do the dishes.  Its your cat.  Get rid of him before the cat.  Cats are some of the laziest creatures....your son sounds worse than a cat!   I am sorry to be bad mouthing your son but he sounds like he just needs his  @$$ kicked.

Salt and Peppy · Answer

You are WAY too easy on him.  I know he's your son, but he's pulling you down with him.  Time for some tough love.  Tell him he HAS to get a job because the day he turns 18, his *** is going to be living on the street if he doesn't get himself an apartment of his own.  If he's old enough to get his girlfriend pregnant, then he's old enough to take responsibility for her and their baby.

? · Answer

I'm 17 as well, and I know that we do not take criticism that well. So, as much as it will upset him, you need to put your foot down and straight up tell him what to do. He will resent you for a while, but not for long. In the long run, it will help you all.

~Magdala~ · Answer

You need to be a mother, and stand up for yourself. Tell him he needs to get the hell out, or be nice to his fiancee and help out, because he's not doing ****.

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Help me explain to my son? (sort of long, sorry)?

5 Answers