To lend son money or not?

Question

My son and his wife are both 22. They need a car and have found a used one they like for $3300.  They wrote a check to the seller who agreed to hold it and keep the car until they receive their income tax refund to pay for it.  Their refund was supposed to come tomorrow, but they got an e-mail today saying it was not coming until Tuesday, Jan 25th. (next week)
My son has called me twice now asking if I could lend them the money so they can go ahead and get the car.  Two days ago, he said he needed it because the seller had called saying he had someone there with cash that was ready to buy that day.  Now today he called again, telling me that their income tax was not coming until a few days later. (But the seller still had the car, the other buyer did not purchase it.)  
   I am reluctant to lend the money because other people have gotten burned by loaning money to them that did not get paid back.  However, the last time he asked to borrow $20, he did pay it back to me as promised.  I have given them small amounts of cash ($50-100) without expecting to be paid back. (and never got anything back, but that's okay, he's my son and I have the money to give him) However $3300 is quite a bit larger amount to not get back. 
   To complicate things, he will be deployed with the National Guard for a year, going to Africa, and leaving January 29.  He wants to be sure his wife has a car to drive while he is gone.  She totalled out the last one in a drunk driving accident last summer just before he came home from another deployment. 
    If he was your son, and you had the money, would you lend it to them?  Or would you use tough love and have them be patient and wait until the income tax comes in?  Thanks for taking the time to read and answer my question.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Please trust me as both a Psychologist and parent that you need to step back and let THEM handle their finances this one time.  You have been there on other times loaned them money or "given" them money and gotten nothing back even though you should have (even without having to ask).  You Son has learn to grow up and handle the finances for his family and the added fact that his wife "totaled" their last vehicle in a DUI is further proof that THEY need to work this out themselves.  This is their problem and they need to work out it, not you.  Let them learn to handle their own financial situations day to day and they will be stronger as individuals and a couple.  Please don't loan him the money...let them work this out for themselves. I wish you the best.
Peace, Love & Happiness

boots6 · Answer

I would find the desicion hard, but ultimately I would be wary of this. A seller with someone in front of them with cash two days ago wouldn't hold the car for a few more days, that just doesn't make sense. The seller doesn't care who gets the car, and if the cash was in front of him he would have sold the car that day. This story just doesn't sit right, and that is what would make me not give him the money.

I know you love your son, but it might be better to let him wait a few more days and find another car when he has the money. There are always cars for sale on craigslist, that will fit into his price range. You can usually buy one the day it is posted too. If all she needs is a car to get around in, she can find that on craigslist with the same mechanical guarantees that any other used car has - none. GL to you with whatever you decide.

Clyde · Answer

I have always heard that you should never loan money to family.  If you give them $3300 it should be considered a gift and you should never expect to have it returned.  If they already have a less than stellar credit history, then you probably should not expect to see it back.

I think this would be a valuable life lesson for money management.  Never write a check that you don't have funds for.  Also they can learn patience by waiting until Tuesday.

Kountrygrl · Answer

He is 22, he is married, stand back and let this one slide dad. As parents we always have a knee jerk reaction to save the day for our kids. However this isn't helping them but enabling them. This isn't something that could cost him his life...let it go!

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To lend son money or not?

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