Should I tell my mother I've had enough?

Question

My background. I'm 37, married to my wife of almost 8 years. We have 2 boys (my stepsons) and we have a 2 year old daughter together (today is her birthday) plus we have another on the way in June. My father passed away in 2005 and my mother was understandably upset for a long time. I tried to get her to go out and have a good time, find a man, go on dates etc. She went on a date with the guy who actually built my parents house and they hit it off. I was very happy for her. They have been together for almost 2 years. At first I was a little jealous of him as any son would be, seeing a guy make moves his mother. I got over it and him and I get along great, we have hunted together, I help him out around his house he helped me build my shed, etc...
They have both ALWAYS said, "Family first" no matter what. Like I said before today is my daughters 2nd birthday. She didn't call my house to wish her a happy birthday or the boys who's birthday was last week. I know she didn't forget as she commented on my facebook status about my daughter being 2 already. 
This weekend we have a "family" get together planned, my wife's family is coming up from out of state to celebrate. My mother, who lives in the same town told me that she can do any time but Saturday night as it is "date night" When I asked her about possibly cancelling it just for this week, she acted like I was asking her to grow a second head. I told her I thought family first meant family. My question is what should I say to her? Should I just ignore it and go on my merry way. I just don't want my kids to grow up not knowing who their grandmother is that lives in the same small town. I also don't want them to get their hopes up to be let down again by her.

babyhedred · Accepted Answer

It's very important to you and your little daughter that your mother show up! The fact that your mother is treating this so lightly and putting it off for 'date' night is very immature and downright mean. There will be many 'date nights', and grandchildrens b-day is only once a year. I think that you should say how you feel, and leave the ball in her court.

Grumpy Ain&#39;t Nothin&#39; · Answer

lol Give her a break! It is not as dire as you seem to think. Eventually the shine will wear off her relationship and she will feel secure enough to skip date night for family night.

Just give her some time and be understanding. Try and schedule around her so she is free to attend family gatherings without having to skip her dates and don't take any missed birthday calls too seriously. She cares about you and your family just as much as she always has, she just needs to take care of the more tenuous part of her life for now.

If it is upsetting you that much, try to casually mention it to her in such a way as to not sound accusing. Then let her try and balance things out. Maybe make a family-date-night where she (and Mr Right, if necessary) come over to be with you and your family.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't want to diss your mom or anything but she's acting like a 13th year old girl, seriously! I'm 13 and my friend is doing the same thing with her boyfriend! You should definitely confront her about this because she's being hypocritical if she says she puts family first when she doesnt

? · Answer

aww happy b'day to ur daughter and congrats on the new arrival coming soon. well she's obviously "in love" i would just leave her dnt invite her if your family or friends ask about her tell them the truth that she's too busy on her date to come and celebrate with us. like if she calls and says why don't u invite me to ur party's anymore there's a reason why you dnt invite her .
 well hoped this helped i dealed with this too with my parents hoped it helps

? · Answer

Tell her, because she is a member of the family.

Point Man · Answer

Let her know how you feel....then let it go.

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Should I tell my mother I've had enough?

6 Answers