Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
I am looking for critiques of this poem. Can any one tell me where the mistakes are?
Bomb
Sad
broad valley
lay
between us.
Listless, brooding
vague and misty.
Warm distant vistas
faint and fading
We leave behind
An edge of
indecision.
possibility
Snow in
morning’s eye
Ahead.
Ashes. © pat Ramsden
I see what you are saying and will work on having it read smoother.
Sad,broad valley lay between us brooding
listless, vague and misty......
Thanks!
2 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I'm not quite sure there can be "mistakes" in a poem. It's really up to the reader to interpret whether they feel the emotional connection or not.
But for me, I think it might be a little too jumpy. It seems a bit disjointed. I think it has to do with the lines. Its a bit hard to gain a good idea on what you're trying to say with all of the phrases separated. I understand that it is for dramatic effect, but I think if you just use it a bit less, it could be better.
Even so, it was a very good poem.
