what is my fiance's problem?

Hey, don't let anyone tell you this is in any way your fault. This is controlling, cruel behavior, and it is bound to hurt and upset anyone. I know it can be hard to feel like things that were bought for you were really intended for someone else. Would you buy him a movie that you wanted to watch for his birthday? Would you buy him a new video game and then spend all day playing it before he had the chance, making him watch in frustration? The fact that he does this to his children as well shows a mean, selfish streak that should have you wary of marrying this man at all. I hope you will insist that he attend pre-marital counseling before you go through with this.

Yeah this all just brings me back to when I was a little kid and how I would get so angry at Christmas and my birthday because my cousin would always fight with me about how she should get to play with the toys I was given before I did.

Sure, it upset me then...but I was 5. Everything upset me. As a grown adult? Whether you use it first, second or eighth, you still get the same experience. That's just creating a problem where a problem doesn't need to be created.

And what the he'll did he do wrong? You said you wanted that pole. He ACTUALLY listened and bought it for you. Its not his fault you changed your mind. You asked for help...so he helped, and then tested it out to make sure it was all put together properly. What's wrong with that? It seems majorly childish to throw a fit about not being able to use it first.

In my opinion, you're looking so hard for problems in him that you're missing problems with you. You have a childishness and selfishness in you that you just don't see.

HIS selfishness?

Sweetie, that's like the pot calling the kettle black.

First you tell him how cool the pink fishing pole is, so he did what GOOD MEN DO! He wanted to get his girl a fishing pole because hers broke ... and what does SHE do? She changes her mind, and then she gets all bratty about him casting it first, when all he was doing it was TESTING it! It's not like he went out to a lake someplace and caught the first fish! He just wanted to see if the thing worked before he gave it to you, all ready to go.

Sweetie, what you don't know about men is a lot.

Your guy, poor fellow ... HE CAN'T WIN! If he hadn't gotten the pole at the store when you pointed it out, you probably would have gotten all pouty on him, so he got it for you. O M G !! THE HORROR!

If this is typical behavior for you, then I don't know if you're ready to be a wife.

There - I said it. His selfishness scares you ... but YOUR selfishness scares me.

If he's not that good at picking things for gifts, it's because HE'S A GUY and guys HATE picking things out for their girls. Wanna know why? Because they HATE REJECTION! They're such babies when it comes to stuff like that, and we women don't make it any easier because we hint, and we nudge, and we beat around the bush when hinting never works, and nudging only makes them wonder why you're nudging. Seriously, if you want something, TELL HIM! Forget the childish notion that you shouldn't need to tell him what you want for your birthday. That's just wrong. If you don't want to say one thing because it takes the surprise out of it, then make a short list of 3 or 4 things (all of which are easily gotten, and all of which you would be thrilled to open on your bday) so that you still won't know what you're getting.

It's time to take a look at how you behave, and how YOU contribute to situations. That's your first step to maturity (which is a good thing, actually.)

This is my view

P.S. Your first Christmas ... did you tell him what you want??? If you told him what you want, and he got you a frying pan, then why did you continue with the relationship? Dating is to determine whether someone is husband and father material. A guy who gives his girl a frying pan, knowing full well that she wants earrings .... that guy isn't even boyfriend material, let alone husband and father material!

If you didn't tell him what you want, then maybe itss time that you started being a better communicator.

Hey I'm just sayin' ...

P.P.S. All the stuff I said above still stands true.

However, after reading your additional comments about how he seems mean sometimes: That kind of behavior is like a red flag the size of Rhode Island.

H U G E red flag waving right in front of your face. Behavior like that WILL NOT CHANGE just because you get married, nor will it change after you get married. For me, it would be totally unacceptable, and a deal breaker.

I get a better sense of who he is from that statement about the candy bar thing ... and if that's really his true nature, then you should be grateful for recognizing it now, and getting out before you attach yourself by marriage to a guy like that.

P.P.P.S. It took me all of my 49 years to finally figure this stuff out ... and I'm happy to share what I've learned with you, hon. Laid back is definitely not how I've been my whole life - far from it. The thing is that people show you who they are all the time, and you're NOT wrong for deciding that this is not someone that you want to spend the next 84 years of your life with. You're not judgmental .. .but even if you are, SO WHAT! Without making judgment calls, you'd be this big marshmallow with no backbone, and you can't do that.

*big hug* and I wish you the best of luck :D

I think he was just trying to be nice to you so he got you the fishing pole. He did not wan't to make you feel stupid for explaining how to put on the hook he probably just thought you didn't know how and wanted to help you. Maybe you were over reacting a little bit and he got mad so he didn't listen to you when you said that is my pole and I want to try it first. My take on it is he put it together for you just to be a nice guy, and he gave it a test run after. He wasn't trying to upset you or anything like that.

Extend your dating or engagement period for atleast another two years. If you marry him early, you will be doomed.