Should we cancel our wedding deposits?

First off look at your guest list, can you honestly say that dropping those extra 30-40 people won't affect you in the long run then fine but think about it carefully, check the contracts and see how long you have before the penalty gets any higher for cancelling. Be careful choosing your restaurant and you may find that you will still be able to do a first dance if you use a private room or if it's a small restaurant and you are taking it over. Big question, what does your heart truly want and if it's the full wedding then no house will ever make that up. Also double check your sums, you say the wedding will cost 7-9k but you'll lose 1300 on deposits but save 5000. If it costs 7k then you are only leaving 700 for a replacement meal for 30 in a restaurant. Add up both events fully and see what they do come to, it's easy to leave things off the smaller wedding that you will still do.

What ever you do I hope you have a fantastic day.

$1300 is losing a lot and when buying a house $5k is really not a lot, considering closing costs run about 10k and you need 20% down, and on a decent home that would be about $40k.

If I was you, I would have the bigger wedding. It seems to me that you will regret it and then whine and complaint and then hang it over your husband's head for ever.

You can downscale your original plan: Cancel the DJ (loose about what $200?) and play music on an Ipod (save $$), downgrade the flowers (wanted roses? have daisies), make your BM wear corsages instead of bouquets (save about $80 each bouquet), do WITHOUT flower girl and ring bearer (no one does that anyway this century), have just a 2 attendants each (and save!), have a lunch reception instead of a dinner reception, do without flower centerpieces and church floral arrangements, print your own invitations, offer candy favors, do not rent specialty linens, use whatever they offer with their standard package, offer only a champagne toast (at lunch time, no one needs to drink anyway), have a supermarket do your cake. Do NOT buy a guest book, unity candle, garter and all that junk that no one cares or uses anymore.There you go, I save you about $4k.

Good luck

ETA: Sellers paying the closing costs? Don;t be naive, that is like believing in the Chupacabra. I've owned several homes and the sellers have never paid the closing costs. So add $10k to your already overly optimistic $7k for a down payment (yeah right), plus the costs of Home inspection (about $400), termite inspection (about $200), radon inspection ($300), moving ($500), repairs ($1000) etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, to answer your question, I've been to dinner in a restaurant wedding, and it was just fine. We were about 25 all together and had a great time at an upscale Italian restaurant, open bar and all . After the restaurant, we went to a beach home and had an after party, it was a lot of fun.

Whatever you decide, make sure it is something that you can LIVE WITH forever as there are no re-dos later. You only get married one time.

Good luck

Here is a little known fact about deposits.

In every U.S. state, deposits are refundable, even if the contract states that they are not. Deposits are down payments made on renderable services. If the services is not rendered the money must legally be returned. The exception being if it is close enough to the date that the vendor has started paying for items. An example would be if you cancelled the day of the wedding after the caterer has purchased the food.

Many vendors like myself use the word "retainer" instead of "deposit." A retainer is a fee paid to reserve a specific date. Since the fee is actually paid for the reservation, it is non refundable, because the way the law looks at is as the reservation is the actual service.

Most wedding vendors actually know this about deposits, but won't admit to it unless you ask. If it is far enough out, I would suggest that you call the vendors and ask to have your deposit returned. You can negotiate it or even file in small claims court to get your deposit back. You can reference Kuish v. Smith 2010, as established federal case law regarding "nonrefundable" deposits.

its really up to you. where in the states are you? Im in the midwest and im having a country club wedding for 120 people (country club is the nicest place almost anywhere!) and i just did a lot of research on invitations, cake (opting for cupcakes that were a few cents cheaper than a slice of cake but twice the size and beautiful in presentation) and going for a very very local word of mouth dj for 375 bucks for 8 hours, and at the club its 20 bucks a plate, my whole wedding will run us 5000. including photographer. try calling a local college and asking a few of the photography/art teachers about certain students they think could do a good job for your engagement/reception pix for a good price. idk, i think that if you keep your deposit but from here on out doing more research on the other things you need, you'll be fine.

btw i meant where do you live because that seems like a lot of money for 60-70 people and i thought maybe you lived on a coast where living is more expensive :)

i keep editing this lol. i was thinking tho if you wanted to do it small, thats totally fine too! are there any small nice restaurants in your town that plays good music? just request they play a song on a cd you have and do 2 dances, father daugher and your first dance. i think it sounds lovely

If the wedding is going to put you in debt with a long structured payment plan that is going to hurt your family before it even begins then I would say think twice about it. I think that the often times couples forget that it's call about being in love and marring the person you love. My brother had the choice of a large wedding or using the money to put down on their new home. They picked the home. A good choice.

If you really think about it; it's just a big fat large party. Good Luck and I hope it works out.

i dont recognize what etiquette dictates here sorry yet i'm able to allow you recognize, if i've got been a visitor, i might plenty quite unfastened $250 than think of a pal or member of my kinfolk married somebody out of a feeling of guilt it is in simple terms too massive of a decision to make, and one you wont have made gently, they'll understand, with any luck they are in a position to declare insurance, or take the holiday such as you suggested as a holiday. i might talk to them for my section, say you're sorry for what has got here approximately, yet you couldnt circulate by with the marriage, and see what they say, every person with any heart will understand your discomfort, no person will hate you, they'll sympathize, and admire you for being reliable

You need a new fiance. He's a tightwad.