Is it abuse? What should I do?

Question

I'm married and have two kids. My husband has never hit me. But he's thrown things that have accidentally hit me. ie he threw and empty can that bounced off the cupboard and hit me in the face. He's gotten up out of a chair hands raised and threatening me. At times I'm very afraid of him. He has no patience with the kids and yells and terrorizes them, but doesn't hit. If I don't perform sexual acts he gets angry and throws temper tantrums and yells until I give in just to make the yelling stop. 

I am currently an illegal immigrant. My paper work was denied and he told me not to leave and blamed me and yelled. I want to leave him but he threatens that I'll never see the kids again because I'm not legal. I don't want to leave my kids alone with him. If I went to the cops would it even be abuse if there's no physical sign? Would they place my kids in a foster home and send me across the border? Would they give the kids back to them?

raerae · Accepted Answer

Yes, it's abuse.  Physical and mental abuse [even though he's never hit you, he's used items to hit you]....You should go to an immigration lawyer and tell them your situation and see what steps you need to take to get out of the relationship.

? · Answer

There are immigration services that will advise you on Canadian Law. If you are sent out of the country invariably you can take your children home with you.  Your solution however might be to resubmit your applications with someone's help. The determination on who gets the kids is supposed to be based on what is best for the children. Your description of temper tantrums, and anger management problems make him unreliable, especially if you have any kind of proof - including whether or not the kids are old enough to confirm your  version. As long as you aren't into anything illegal, the kids will not go to a foster home if you are not a danger to them, but will be kept with you.

dankylee2002 · Answer

Go to the cops immediately before things get worse. The husband is abusive for doing these things. I'm not sure about the outcome of your kids and where you will be staying next though.

Siren Mermaid · Answer

I understand that you are are in difficult situation. but you do have to do something.
You might be sent away from the border but you kids definitely WON'T be taken away from you or given to him.
He is the violent one, no judge would give him kids, for sure.
Go to the cops.
You have to do something, it won't stop otherwise.
Stay strong.

charles g - or GF · Answer

Grab your kids--and the next time that he is not looking --take the first bus home.

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Is it abuse? What should I do?

5 Answers