Separated but under the same roof and husband wants physical intimacy?

Well in my opinion that's your own fault for being in the same house as he is..MOVE OUT if you don't like it you should not be living with a man that you are separated from anyways

I can see where you are coming from on a few things here. I have also suffered emotional abuse with my husband. I have also shut down and felt so lost not knowing what to do or where to turn. We have been there of let's try to fix this, let's try to work on this....blah blah blah. I'm going to give you my honest opinion of how I feel since we seem to have a lot of similiarities in our marriages...These are things that I have not had the courage to do so. Number one ~ one of you needs to leave. Bottom line. You cannot sleep with him and not expect him to want sex. This has been a big issue in our marriage except I am the one who wants sex and he doesn't. I can completely understand your wish to work things out in the marriage and to a point he should respect your wishes. It doesn't however mean that he does not need this physical release so if you are not willing to give it to him you have to understand that he may find someone who will. I'm not saying that you should give in because of this. But you have to understand that that may be what will happen.

Secondly, counseling did not help us at all. It may help you but with us it didn't. I think some times things are just so broken there is just simply no fixing to them. Emotionally abusive people rarely change and it leaves the person who has been abused knocked right down. If you don't know if you love him or not the best thing is is to ask him to leave while you both can figure out exactly what you need and what you want. Also, give you time away so you can try to figure out if you love him. It's hard with someone that is right in your face, in your bed and always around to get your head straight. It's impossible.

Last you should seriously make a plan just in case things go bad so you are prepared for probably the invetitable - divorce. Good luck. Peace and happiness

Hopefully your counselor is working on communication because it sounds like there's a lot of assumption and misunderstanding. Seriously, you're separated but under the same roof? What part of that is separation? In my house, when one of us is frustrated and not connecting with the others we call that pouting or time out. It doesn't meet a social or legal definition of separation. Then, when you're sleeping in the same bed, I can see how that would be confusing to anyone. Many of us see sexual intimacy as a means to help reconnect emotionally. Perhaps your husband is looking for that. To be honest, what you're describing sounds more like you trying to have have the security and stability of living like husband and wife (or brother and sister), without the love, connection and intimacy. Personally, unless you truly separate or start living like husband and wife, I don't see much opportunity for improvement here.

You are totally right in how you feel and you do not have to get permission from anyone to justify those feelings. You feel this way because of years of built up pain and sorrow. You have to deal with it the way you want to ...however it takes to heal and to get your life back to where you want it to be.

Yes, tell the counselor then she/he can address these issues with your husband. You see men see sex so different than women. Sex is vital to a marriage and you both need to talk about it and get the rules between you clear and explained. He wont see your feelings or needs unless you tell him and teling him with a 3rd party present is best and safest.

Sex wont just send him the message things are fine, it will confuse you emotionally and shut you down even more.

How did the counselor address your sleeping arrangements? it seems this would of been something that you discussed in sessions earlier on. You both need to have a game plan and a goal. If your goal is to reconcile, well sex is an important issue to discuss early on.

I can feel the pain and agony in your post and my heart goes out to you. I hope you find peace.

Move to separate areas, tell the counselor so that you can factor this into your counseling, and dont get so upset, or dont be surprised that he wants some nookie from his wife. he is human, and I understand your position, but this would be hard for a guy. Our penis's dont always think in the most rational manner, and if they did, most guys would never have sex and the world would be a very sparsely populated place.

I would move into the other bedroom and go as far as putting a lock on it. He has to learn to respect you, also one of the issues in a marriage. He wants what he wants and doesn't care about you. If he gets mad, so be it. Just start moving your personal things into the other room when he is not present, then just start sleeping in there, it might hit him that you are not playing but insisting that problems get worked out, and not have sex in the picture. He might learn , if not then I can understand why you don't want to have it.

He is attempting to get you back the one way he is familiar with and is easy for him. He still loves you and like many men is using your physical intimacy has a barometer to your love. Both of you need separate sleeping arrangements and a good long talk about your expectations of him. I think you will both be able to work things out but he needs to slow down and stay committed to the hard work ahead. GL

You are not separated as long as you are living under the same roof. So he is still supporting you, so he in his mind can expect sex. So either stop playing at the separation & move out or asks him to move out. You are playing a dangerous game. So get on with it are you done with the relationship or not? You are living in limbo. You need to take the next step, get on with it.

I had a friend in almost the same situation. What actually ended up happening is they went out on a "marriage date" for valentines day, and she let herself have a good time, and got pregnant. She ended up divorcing him for the same reasons they seperated in the first place, but now they have 3 kids, not two. I know that wasnt very helpful, but its all i had. My advice would be to make yourselfs happy with each other with out sex before you move onto that. Build up your trust and intimacy in other ways first. Any yes, talk to the counselor about it, it would help to have his perspective at least.

First of all you are married.

You are NOT separated if you live together.

You married someone that you do not want sex with.

you are making sex a tool

You need to stop that and tell him straight up

That you are done which means no sex.

Or you need to keep a sexual relationship

This is an important part of marriage.

You need to put sex as part of the rebuilding

Of the marriage

Or just move out!