How can I convince my mother it is time to move to a senior's residence?

Why don't you find a place for her that is near the grandchildren as well. That way you can visit, and they can too. That would take some of the sting of moving to a residence away. You need to be honest with her. If you cannot deal with her needs, she does need to be where they can.

It is a terrible dilemma. To leave her to the tender care of your brother, would not be wise. He cannot care for himself let alone her. You will need to hold a family conference on this one. Perhaps your brother can be persuaded to move also.

I'm assuming that your mother lives with you. If this is the case and she does not own any percentage of that home then you can put the house up for sale and tell her that she will be going somewhere where she can be cared for professionally (as you are not young enough yourself to be doing all this caring) and that you are giving her the choice of going somewhere near her son or near your grandchildren (because that is where you are going).

I too am a grandmother and have several grandchildren but I am not my mother's carer - my brother is and is also wanting to move away but feels that he will never be able to do so until mother has died. It's not a nice position to be in. He also had grandchildren.

It's a dilemma none of us ever wish to be in.

I agree with Daisy. Tell you mother clearly what you are going to do and why. Inform your brother also. Then discuss her options as you see them, even the ones you know she will reject: move into a senior residence; move to the city where you grandchildren live and find a retirement community there; move in with your brother; stay where she is and hire someone to care for her, etc. If she is mentally unable to make such an important decision, you and your brother will have to make it for her. Do not let her bully or guilt you into giving up the rest of your life so that you can cater to her demands. You and your grandchildren deserve time together.

Best wishes.

Horrible dilemma!

Your brother cannot step in and care for her? Your grandchildren do need to spend time with you, she is their great grandmother. She is a treasure regardless how difficult.

If you can insist with her, find a place where care is provided very near to where you will be, visit her and bring her out to your home or theirs,(your kid, grand kids). Try not to discard her totally, no guarantee your brother would visit her'

Not an easy one but your grandchildren deserve having their grandmother around too. Fair's fair.

There's no easy way to do this either. It just has to be done is all. And the positive influence of grandparents on grandchildren is huge, so they shouldn't miss out.

Go ahead and tell her you are putting your house up for sale and then do it. She has plenty of notice to make up her mind on where to move, with your brother or to a senior residence, where I guarantee she will really like it there. Change is hard at any age, and sometimes we need a push to get motivated.

Im in the same boat and no light at the end of my tunnel. My dream solution would be to take her on a field trip to the nursing home and sneak out while she's not looking. Good luck.

you are in the middle generation with obligations to both elder and younger relatives. visit some senior residences with her. just informational. often they offer a free meal so you can assess the food and ambiance.

first, wow you have grandchildren yet your mother is still around. Second; just tell her you need to move and can no longer live with her but promise her you'll visit her whenever you can.