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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 10 years ago

What do you think of my poem about lost love and betrayal ...(v. sad)?

I gave you all of my heart to hold

You tore it asunder with brazen and bold

Betrayals and vile infidelity

Why go with those skanks when you already had ME?

I serviced your sick carnal needs oh so well

But you wanted more hardcore..I hope you rot in hell

And burn screaming forever in Hades great big old fires

I bet Satan will punish you for your twisted desires.

The latex and gags you so loved me to wear

Are now on the midden..I chucked 'em all there.

But the uploaded films of our nights of sweet passion

Still linger ere long...smut's always in fashion.

I want my fair share of the royalties that they garner

(For twas my idea to employ the Mars bar and banana)

I starred in them flicks and I've the right to a share

Of the money you're making from pulling my hair.

And calling me bitchwhore and badslut and slave

I'll pursue you, you lowlife, right up to your grave

And get what's my due, for my great acting prowess.

You're not the king baby...but something that's far less

Impressive in fact. More like a sick puppy

With a penis the size of my little pet guppy.

Update:

(((Tofude))) oh honey...don't be sad...

I suck too

...tennis balls through a yard and a half of exhaust pipe, so they say.

Update 2:

The Mars bar?? Why...the very same thing that Marianne Faithful did with hers!

(Works better if you freeze them...just sayin')

Update 3:

Jane...oh who can read the heart of a woman, eh? (and anyway he was inventive...and had plenty of Mars Bars (and bananas... owned the corner shop, innit??)

16 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You never complained when your mouth was engaged

    A hummer so loud I thought I had been paged

    The skanks you refer to were highly paid whores

    They wouldn't have been needed, but you had mouth sores.

  • ?
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    The meter needs tightening up in places.

    It's full of concrete, specific description. Good.

    Rhyme scheme is basic, but effective.

    The use of modern vernacular along with traditional poetic tropes such as "ere" and "Hades" creates an interesting tonal frisson.

    8/10

  • 10 years ago

    Wow, that was awesome. I like rhyming 'prowess' with 'far less'. And the last line was awesome. It all reminds me of an R-rated Dr. Suess. I would volunteer to do the illustrations when you publish, but unfortunately my artwork sucks :(

  • 10 years ago

    I quit after L 3

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  • 10 years ago

    WOW! Amazing work. Lol, pet guppy. And latex apparel? Marry me, NOW.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Now let it go my lovely,

    Like a gravestone, it speaks only of the past,

    look instead to the flower that grows beside you,

    And seeds the future

    XXXOOOXXX

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Fascinating.

    What I don't understand, though, is why you'd do all that for a penis the size of a guppy...

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    I like the way you rhymed garner with banana. Clever.

  • veekay
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    I'm singing this poem to heaviest metal instrumental right now

  • 10 years ago

    What did you do with the Mars bar?

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