Regarding personal expectations in a relationship...?

Lubrication is the key

You have to watch how you interpret it. I fully expect my husband to 'flow' with me when changes come around. Do I expect his core personality to change? No way cause then he would not be the man I fell in love with.

But every relationship will go through changes inevitably and by no fault of either partner and I think you should be able to ASSUME and EXPECT your partner to work with you to handle those changes.

If your partner inhibits your growth then you are not actually partners. Partners, by definition, are like one who work together, push and shove, to attain the same goal. So the questions really turns into ; Have your goals changed or is one of you leaving the other behind?

You entered the relationship knowing your partner (hopefully) So why should you assume it is the other who inhibits you? Perhaps it is you who is changing or 'improving' however you put it.

Well, you have just defined why a lot of marriages fail. Sure you can "expect" anything you want. Whether or not you will get it is an entirely different matter. I would not recommend that you ever expect anyone to change. Sometimes though when you change, a partner will change to accommodate your changes. That's when it's rewarding. However, in some marriages one partner will change and the other will be unable. That's when things get painful. I was unable to tolerate the inhibition to my growth.

An expectation is a resentment waiting to happen. Focus on your own personal growth. Your ideas about how the other person should grow and change are just that - your ideas. They might have completely different ideas. If at any point you feel like your own personal growth is inhibited by the relationship, then it's up to you whether you want to stay in it. But expecting someone to change or conform to your ideas of how they should be "growing" is dangerous and sets them up for failure and you up for disappointment.

agree 100% with Been There. Personal growth is by definition personal, and concepts like "improve and become a better person" are subjective.

To me, it might mean going out and getting raises and making a ton of money. To my spouse it might be discovering who he is as a person and how he can best be a positive influence in others' lives.

Hopefully this kind of thing would be understood before marriage was embarked upon.

Your growth cannot be inhibited by anyone but you,

best of luck to you both.

You can't force change and you can't make anyone change if they don't want to/can't do it/aren't ready. You have to allow them to be who they are and it should not inhibit your own growth in any way.

I would NOT change my husband one bit. He might be a disaster of clutter around the house and the garage looks like something out of Hoarders, but he's a good person and a great husband. I would never push him to change. I love him exactly as he is, not who I think he could/should be.

My husband is his own person. I don't control who he is, what he is, or force him to look to be what he doesn't want to be. He is who he is. I have no right to interfere with that whatsoever. If I did, then he wouldn't be the man I fell in love with.

We make sure that we each have time to follow our own pursuits and interests but that we also make time to be together and build a strong relationship and teamwork.

If you marry someone who desperately needs to change in your opinion, shame on you. You marry someone you love, exactly the way they are otherwise you're asking for a lifetime of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

Your personal growth is never dependent on your partner's growth. If you think it is, then you are not seeing clearly, nor understanding what "personal growth" actually is.

We are never responsible for another person's "work" on themselves. This is totally up to them. The purpose of a relationship is to learn to accept and love the other just as they are. And the joy is in being accepted in return. If you can't accept, you need to start asking around for the name of a good divorce lawyer, because sooner and or later you will need one. Happy marriages are built off of acceptance.

Any relationship is supposed to benefit both partners in all matters.....With communication, affection, respect, understanding, satisfaction, growth, and happiness flowing between both partners. I'm NOT saying any relationship evolves on cloud 9 at all times. There WILL be bumps in the road. The object is to ensure those bumps do NOT become unrepairable pot holes!.......♥♥

I don't think it is wise to expect your partner to change at all. Everyone changes a bit as they get older, and that is difficult enough to deal with in a marriage, but to expect them to change to suit your wishes is a recipe for disaster/divorce. Let them be who they want to be. You'll both be happier.

Everyone wants to grow personally. No one wants someone else to push them to do it.