Father threatened to quit job if I didn't send some of his child support payments back?

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SEND HIM ANY MORE MONEY.

Keep records of the money you have given back as a result of this BLACKMAIL. And keep record of his threats.

He didn't bother to send you the money he owed you for 11 years and now he's eliminating his debt by paying it down, but you're giving it back?

Maybe you don't realize this is not his money anymore, but it's also not yours. It is your son's. It is your son's right to be supported by his father. He has been denied this right for 11 years. Take your son's money and spend it on his share of rent, utilities, and other expenses.

I'm going to disagree with the majority here. There is an old saying, "It takes money to make money." Your son's father DOES need transportation and a roof over his head and food in his stomach if he is going to hold down a job. And mental illness is a real disease. What a blessing that he is now taking his medication and back at work.

Tell your ex that you are sending some of his money back not b/c he is threatening you but b/c you want what is best for your son- which is for his father to be able to work and pay child support. You understand his (the father's) need to have money for his basic expenses and you will treat this as a team effort until the support is adjusted to 50%. That said, you might also let him know that if you think he is being unreasonable in the future you will LET him quit his job and not have money for his own expenses. You are not and will not be threatened into action, but you are wise enough to know when what the father says makes sense.

Edit: What Donna Read said is worth looking into imo...

You are not doing anything but allowing him to control you. It was him that didn't pay child support when he should have and now he is paying the price for it. Do not give him any of it back!!! If you want to have it lowered then go to court and come up with a solution. You owe him nothing he owes his kids money for you to help support them. If he was on the right track in the first place he would be doing better.

You're allowed to give anyone in the world a gift of money, even your ex husband.

While i feel for the guy, he owes YOUR CHILD the support for the things he needs. The child support is for the care of the child (yes, you may use it in whatever way you like, but still, i'm sure it goes to things like rent, food, utilities, etc... which is, in essence for the care of the child).

If he threatens to quit his job, then OH well.. it's his neck in a noose, not yours.

While i feel badly for his situation, i never received a dime of child support for my son 35 years ago, and somehow i raised him.

If your ex husband is struggling financially after paying child support perhaps he can at least get help from the pharmaceutical companies who make the drugs he takes. He can apply for assistance through their websites, and sometimes the pharmacy has application forms. (Just thought i'd toss this in).

Have you or him spoken with a court appointed lawyer? I was under the impression they take what is owed after their living expenses are accounted for. (I would speak with Child support enforcement.) When my ex lived in the same state I am living in I got $200 a month. Now that he's back east he is only paying $100 a month BACK support! His daughter is now 29 with a family of her own.

It won't take much to get it reduced to 50 percent. There is a federal mandate that max's child support at 50 percent of net. Its odd that they take more out because they aren't supposed too. If you need it I can look at the law and any corresponding lawsuits.

Stop giving half back. Your taking on too much responsibility for his well being. He's not going to quit his job because then he would have NO money. And even if he does quit his job, thats his own problem

No, you can't get in trouble, but why would you do this. He is threatening you, don't let him do this. You went for many years with out , let him go without, and if he doesn't think it is the right amount of money coming out tell him to go back to court, you are going to take care of your children with or with out him.

If he doesn't think the amount he's paying in child support is fair he can take you back to court for an adjustment. What he's doing is wrong. You sending the $ back is wrong. Obviously he can threaten you. It seems to work just fine.

Hold the line and if he can't pay make him homeless.

That's what the republican conservatives want you to do.

There is that nagging problem that homeless guys do not pay anything but don't worry about that.