Marriage problems advice please.?

>Ahhh, the "I got the kid" scenario...she is the one deciding, huh? Well, whether she is in another country or just across town, it doesn't make any difference. She has the goods (the kid). As far as I can see, she has taken your right to joint custody away from you and in fact, you have every right to at least have joint custody...unless you have been abusive and violent. If you have abused her, mistreated her, been violent, or hurt her - if I was the judge, you would never see your kid again...and as far as I can see, there are always two sides to every story, yours (which of course you have said nothing about YOU, right, like why she did this)...and HER's, which we are not hearing from her about.

So as I see it, I am going to side with her, since I figure you did something to her to make her run away like this - most women don't do that, so I figure you did something to deserve this. On the outside chance you didn't do anything WRONG, like hit her or abuse her or mistreat her, then I would say you have a right to joint custody and you should at least seek legal counsel. Maybe you can apply with the embassy or the counselor authority for that country and explain your situation and maybe they will do something about it for you - at least, tell you, if you have any rights in that country, or any kind of legal recourse there. Otherwise, she is outside the legal jurisdiction of your country and there is little to nothing you can do about it.

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IGNORE EVERYTHING ABOVE (for just a moment)...

What you need to do right now, is to consult an attorney. There is something fishy about this situation...she has left the country with your child, and being the suspicious person that I would be in this sort of predicament, I might suspect that she is asking for 8 weeks to give her some time to straighten out some possible legal matters herself. You need to talk with an attorney about statutes and such, for a woman leaving the country, and see what the chances might be that she has no intentions of returning, with or without your child (this could be different depending on what country she went to).

If you are not a worthless, abusive piece of crap (and I do hope that isn't the case, or I wouldn't give you a penny of information), then you need to find this attorney first thing Monday morning (a consultation is often very inexpensive, at $0-200). If you wind up not needing this? GREAT! If she returns with your child, it's not like the attorney is going to call her and say that you tried to make a big stink over her leaving (that violates attorney/client privilege). But if you do need one? NOW is the time...right now. Do not wait 8 weeks...there is already a chance that you will not see your child again.

Two months is really not much time at all if she is using this time to consider what she will end up doing in her life. I'm a guy and I can acknowledge that it is troublesome just waiting around to get a clear answer from the Mrs. but sometimes you just got to suck it up and be patient as the old proverb says good things come to those who wait.

Waiting could benefit you as well if you are as patient as she is.

She's obviously trying to weigh out some options about the relationship, and you should be doing the same as well. Be patient and enjoy your time apart...you may end up meeting someone new if your wife isn't meant for you. God is over all plans and decisions whether we invoke his help or not.

She's deciding whether to stay or go, so that means she's weighing up the pros and cons.

You need to decide whether you want to do what you need to do in order for you to be the man she wants to say with. Do you even know what that is? Perhaps you want to do it, and perhaps you don't.

Your job is to get clear on all that. If you don't know what she wants you need to ask her. Say, look you married me and we have a child so the least you should do is give me a fair go to satisfy you. If it was okay for you to stay, what would I be doing, and not doing?

Then you have to decide whether you're prepared to do that, or not.

If you are, you need to communicate. Tell her you want to do that for her, and ask her to stay married to you, and give you another chance to make her happy.

Then do or don't do what you promised you would do or not do.

You may not want to follow my advice, but oh well, you asked. It may not be convenient, but is just an advice from my point of view.

Did she asked for 8 weeks? (she seriouslu has the control by the way, but now you need to get it) so tell her it's done. That you are by no means going to wait nor have a partner that is in doubts. Tell her that it's ok to ask for 8 weeks, that some couples do, but she is doing it with the wrong man, that you are not, nor want to be, a man who his partner, wife, is giving him time, either 8 weeks or 8 minutes. Repeat that it's ok and you respect her idea of the 8 weeks, but that the waiting is not for you, that you prefer being divorce, single again, or probably with a partner with who you do not have that kind of issues.

wouldn't you love it not having to deal with that?, and aren't you realizing it is up to you to deal it or not?. You don't want to wait?, good news, you don't have to. You don't have to gain the control in the relationship, but you need to gain yourself back, and not be one that her nor anyone is putting you in waiting list, or has second thoughts.

You may be risking it all, but most likely it is already lost. In my oppinion if she likes an acertive man, one that grabs the situation and one that respects himself, you may want to finally stand up and organize everything right away in your life (even if it is organized in some aspects, but definitely is doing bad in the love/marriage aspect - typical of a messy and sorry but also a little bit weak of you to allow someone to tell you that). Love yourself, don't let anyone to put you times like that. Tell those go away if they do, and show them (even if it hurts, but it worth it) to go to h*l and that you are not going to deal with that. She has the cohice now, is either respond right now and go with an acertive man, or have some kind of weak guy (sorry but I do not have intentions to sound offensive) waiting while she does nothing, those 8 weeks are going to pass and she already knows today what she is going to say.

Don't do that to yourself, waiting. Just be with a partner that does not do that to you, and give her a chance to be that partner or either become single or find another one.

Kind of simple, and it is.

Let me get this right. You're waiting for your wife to make a decision about your life. Are you crazy? I wouldn't wait 8 seconds much less 8 weeks.

She doesn't want to be pushed. That's too damn bad. I would make the decision for her. She's walking all over you.

I don't think that is long at all. However, I have no idea how she figures that 8 weeks is the magic number where she will have her answer. If you don't know if you want to be with someone, chances are you don't want to be with them...

Calm your hormones down and just wait.

It took me 4 months to decide whether or not I wanted to buy a pair of shoes.