Another Poem, Another Style... Thoughts on This One?

This is so well written, it actually left me quite uncomfortable, that last stanza made my skin crawl.

Interesting that you told what was to me a very dark story, yet delivered it in such a cavalier way,

which made the twist all the more powerful. Well done.

Continuity Error: if the goblins and sprites have ironed the moss-green sheets in the night, then Cousin Andrea could not sleep under them, as they are on her shelves.

Wine is not "grown", but grapes are. If Andrea is a child, then she wouldn't be drinking wine.

It would be more dramatic for Andrea to be wakened BY the shakes.

Poor Andrea could never fall asleep again with the tartar-men molesting her.

Spirits smoothing things over, putting them away.

A musical state, uninhibited and daring.

Feeling drowsy...

Cousin Andrea got a little drunk.

But the wine makers who gave her a buzz,

pulled her knees (to the floor) in a hangover.

Until she imbibes again.

I am probably way off, but there are some images here associated with being drunk.

Green sheets and Throne, maybe a little sick spew.

"the shakes, a buzz, tartar-the residue in a wine cask."

You do not need to change your words. The gist of the first is while she sleeps others work. Vagueness works and the poet should be allowed some leeway else aren't we headed into some lengthy prose piece to intricately describe every detail? As to berries and wine, wine comes from berries so I saw no issue with 'carefully grown'. My problem with the poem is trying to understand where your words are taking us. I had an image of a Queen Bee at one point, a lady of the night at another. Maybe I need some wine and green sheets! lol

Well, darlin', you certainly elicit some intriguimg and engaged responses! Ain't THAT part of it?!? ;)

I ate up the lilting rhyme scheme, which is kinda why I, too, was actually quite jarred by the tartar-men at her knees. Because it was vague, it gave license to my all-too-vivd-at-times imagination, and that didn't go s'well! HAH!

Still, overall, a masterful write which should be reworked given the collectively fine critiques, and reposted! Lookin' forward!

Perhaps the one poem I can say is different

in it's structure from the norm, very creatively and effectively so.

The content is interesting and I like the repetitive

4th line of each verse.

The payoff off this technique comes in the

final line.

Most unusual, very well conceptualized.

The story could cover many meanings.

It evokes in me a curiosity to re-read

and search.

Very well done, adeline

Adeline

Great imagery, and for a brief moment you made

me a fly on the wall in that room. I desperately

wanted to see what was going on in there.

Sounds like cousin Andrea has a think for goblins

Note: I was not aware that we needed to make

this piece a plausible scenario. It is a poem--

you can make up whatever imagery you want,

anyway, it worked for me.

You have written a jewel of a poem! Like poor Andrea, the reader falls under its spell and is held captive.

I like this. It left me confused the first time through, but when I woke up and shook the sleep out of my empty cranium, I found I really enjoyed it. The last line is a bit jarring..."until...", rather than "while...". Nicely done, and a good read.

I enjoy the form and the idea, but I see the continuity problems others do. I don't know you well enough to know if you're the kind who reworks and reposts, but I'd be interested in seeing what you could do with this in revision.