pros and cons of having a fourth kid?

My experience as a parent:

We're pregnant with our 3rd and we've said we'll see how we feel in about 3-4 years (our preferred age gap). We're concerned about the same things, space in the home, finances, the busy schedules of making time for each child....etc. We are moving into a larger home in the next few years so that will be a large factor in the decision for us. For my 2 boys, they get along great (4 years apart) and they are both really excited about their new brother. My oldest really wanted a sister and is already saying that we should have another one - lol.

My experience as a child:

I, myself, am 1 of 4 girls. I have one of the worst stories of having a lot of siblings. The older two had issues and ran away from home a lot, so while my parents dealt with all their garbage I was left to take care of my younger sister. Having that many sisters to steal my clothes, chase after my guy friends (I can't even tell you how many guys I rejected that my little sister dated - Creepy!!) I think a mix of genders or larger age gaps would have helped. We were all about 2 years apart.

My experience providing child care:

4 works a lot easier than 3, even though there is an additional child. When you have 3 2 will often play together and exclude the 3rd, leading to more disagreements and parental intervention to sort things out. With a 4th they usually pair off and play together much nicer.

So I have a mixed bag answer, probably not what you really wanted but at least it's honest. What I suggest is go through the logic first (as you seem to be) and determine if it's possible. Then you can start factoring in your feelings and desires.

My tip to you, because you want to be done with 3, ask her to wait a few years at least to give it a reasonable age gap, once she's past the 'I don't have a baby anymore' stage that most women go through she may slowly change her mind. It's hard for us to accept that we will NEVER have another baby. Once your 1 year old starts having some more independence it will be harder for her to chose to start carrying that diaper bag, sleepless nights...etc again.

We're basically like this now, but we have four and we're debating a fifth. When we decided to go for a fourth, it was because we didn't feel like my family was complete. I really wanted another child, and so did my husband, so we had one. But now, I'm basically like your wife in your situation, and my husband is basically like you! Here's the thing: Feeling like your family is incomplete is not a great feeling. You watch the kids grow up, wishing you'd had more. But, on the other hand, you sound like you know what you're talking about, and I understand your points. I would suggest having a long talk with your wife. Talk about all possible scenarios if you did have a fourth (it's a boy, it's a girl, it's twins, it has disabilities, etc.). Talk about if you have enough space, money, etc. Also talk about where you'd be in 5 years with and without another, 10 years, etc. See if you can come together and make a decision after this talk. If you're still not able to, then my advice would be to wait a few years. Your youngest is only one. Wait until he/she is 3, and then see if you REALLY do want another, or if the 3 kids you have will be enough.

Good luck :)

We have 4 children. We started with twins then we had another (all boys). At that point my husband was ready to have a vasectomy but I asked him to wait because I was not sure yet so we waited. By the time my 3rd son was close to 2 I was having a strong desire for another child. My husband wanted another as well but he was just like you, concerned about space and things like that. In the end we did decide to have another, we had another boy. I think my husband was worried I would never want to stop having more Ha Ha! I did however feel our family was complete after our 4th son and my husband went ahead and had the vasectomy when our youngest was 3 months old. It worked out just fine, we have a 3 bedroom house and we have two boys to a room. I suppose it would have been trickier if we had a girl but we had another boy and it worked perfectly. My kids are now 17, 17, 14 and 12. I am always thinking about my youngest and how much he adds to our family and it's strange to think that if I had agreed to the vasectomy after our 3rd son then we would not have him. It's weird how I had such a strong desire to have another and then never had that feeling again, it's almost like it was meant to be.

edit: I used to joke and tell my husband we had to have the 4th child because we couldn't have a odd number of family members, someone would always have to sit alone on the amusement park rides LOL

edit 2: to something fishy...who are you to say 4 is too much for one mother? LOL I have no family close by and I handled 4 just fine. Maybe 4 would be too much for you, but many mother's handle it just fine.

I'm from a family of three, middle kid (girl) with an older sister and younger brother. We are spaced out three years. (ex: we would be 9, 6, 3 at the same time)

I think you have to look at the aspect of space most. Do they all have their own rooms and there isn't an extra? If so, that could cause major issues that two have to share and two don't. Do the girls share and there are no extra rooms? If you have another girl, 3 kids in one room is a lot.

I'd also consider how they play together. It's hard because one is one, but I always wished we were a family with four kids because my sister and brother used to team up on me. But then again i wouldn't want to share a room lol.

I think you need to look at it from all aspects, but mostly the kids POV.

I don't have three kids so I hope you don't mind me answering,I have two and having a third is never far from my thoughts.My husband is like you though and we have all the concerns that you have and so for now we will stick with two.

Maybe your wife is like me, just to give you a bit of insight.I get unbearably broody and go through times were the thoughts of not having anymore babies is just unthinkable and others were I can see things more sensibly.I find it easier when my husband says "we'll see how things work out...." rather than telling me no more.I can't stand to hear no more even though there may not be any more.I just don't want to hear it phrased like that it makes me go "No more!What on earth??Aaaagh,no!The world is ending!!"So,be sensitive to your wife as the feelings she is having are probably very intense and when your hormones take over common sense goes out of the window.

I think about the children I have and I know they are not that keen on another sibling.My son thinks "they scream..." and my daughter is like "oh no!" recalling when my son was born and the attention it took from her at the time.I do not want to short change (don't know if that's the right term!)the ones I have.I know having two is hard work and you don't want to spread yourself too thinly in my opinion.It's nice to have a breather and it's more relaxing and flexible for the others.I put all my nurturing efforts and all my maternal broody feelings into the ones I have.

But I can't allow myself to rule out the possibility because it's too painful so I keep thinking maybe and that's a help even though I can't see it happening.I would suggest you allow your wife to unload her feelings on you and listen without cutting her off to talk about practicalities.It may help for her to talk as it can feel lonely if your husband does not understand your feelings.The decision is down to the two of you of course but hope I've helped you understand a bit more.

I am a mother of four children... Ages 11, 7, 4, and 2. I decided to have a fourth child because my husband convinced me to have one more and because I came from a house hold of four children... I love all my kids completely and would never change anything or take any choices back. My house is chaotic and fun and there is always something happening... It's great and I do love my life.

That being said... boy oh boy did I not think this through all the way. I was convinced because I thought, well we already have three, whats one more gonna really change.... It changed A LOT!!!

Now I have four kids, with four very different personalities pulling me into four different directions every moment of the day. With three kids it was not nearly as stressful as it is now. I count it as a great day day if I found time to get a shower in. And I gave up on the idea of a clean house along time ago... There is just not enough hours in the day. And now with them getting older...

One likes football, one likes art classes, one likes dance... and who knows what the baby will want to do... That's four kids wanting to do four very different things in four different places and it's not fair to do it for one and not the other.

You can tell your wife, as a mother of four, I'm up at 5am everyday to have time to get something done in the house without children nipping at my heels with a thousand different request a minute and I probably don't have a chance to lay down at night until at least 11 every night... And it never fails, when I finally fall asleep, one of them will come stomping into my room with a bad dream, or an accident, or my favorite "I just can't sleep because missing you is keeping me awake"... Right now as I'm typing this I have a two year old jumping all over my back and a four year dancing right next to the computer signing at the top of her lungs.

Four kids are a lot of exhausting work and I'm actually counting down the days for the teenage years when the boys will get home from school and I'll hear nothing but quiet grunts as they head to their rooms to tune me out with their music or texting or something like that.

I would tell your wife if she asked me... If it aint broke, don't fix it... Three kids make a very happy home... Four kids... I don't know what I was thinking... hahahaha.

the bottom line here is that she wants another child

so it will most likely happen just to keep her happy..

maybe a talk about after the fouth one we are done...and you go and get fixed asap...because you discussed this...upon having the fourth...so no surprise

i would look at and help her see where some of the needs of the children may be over looked because you have 3 now...and another adds to the mix...

but maybe she is home and enjoys that and keeping the house and because of the ages another child at this point would not be a problem...

i think another topic would be future..like you are never going to be able to put them all those..various enrichment...throught the year...all having cars in the teen years would never happen and college would also be something that would be up to them...you could not earn enough to provide everything to all of them....

it is tough...but i would consider it...with a new plan down the pike to get the show on the road and stop the baby mill...

honestly 4 is too many for one mother...unless she has great support from her husband and family...not to mention a good housekeep who does laundry and the bed....and a cook that just shows up daily and cleans up before he goes...

relax

good luck

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ask her if she can wait a year and then you two can decide. I have a 6 year old and a 6 month old and I don't think i could add a two year old to that who would be getting into stuff when i have to feed the baby. My 6 year old needs help with homework while I'm feed the baby or getting the baby to sleep, add a two year old that is climbing on stuff and running around, I think that is a lot to handle. and you guys will have a four year old also.

I have 33 children (yes, you read correct, 33) and it only works with more than 2-3 children if you have a wife that can take care of them while you earn the money it costs. I have 4 wifes and between them they can do everything my children needs. So, my answer is, it depends on whether she works or not.

Imagine you're drowning, and then someone hands you a fourth kid.