What would you do with your children in this situation?

Question

Here is a little back ground first:  I moved into a duplex 4 years ago next to a old lady.  She seemed nice to begin with but the more we saw of her and the more my kids played outside the more we understood she wasn't nice at all.  When I move here we had a 1 1/2 year old and a six month old and I was pregnant with our third.  We have put great effort into not letting our kids in her yard (even though there is no physical boundary set) and to keep them away from her things.  But as everyone knows kids will be kids and the instant one of them would step onto the grass in her yard or reach their little hand out and touch her car (which is right next to ours) she would open the door and scream at them making them run and cry. I would like to mention that I have never let them touch her things and if they do I will tell them no, but them in time out or they get a swat on the behind. So  I finally got sick of the way she was treating them and called the landlord and complained.  They sent her a letter telling her to leave my kids alone or she would be evicted.  
Well just 2 days ago she comes to us and says she has called the police to report a vandalism because our kids scratch her car.  I went out and indeed her hood and one side of the car had been scratched pretty bad but my kids had been inside since Monday with the flu and had only been outside for about 10 min that day before I loaded them into our van and took them to the park. She said it had happened that day.  Also no one around here including herself saw my kids touch her car and we have two neighbors next door. She is just assuming it was our kids.  So a police officer came over and asked my 4 year old (was six months when we moved here) if he had touched it and being a 4 year old and having no idea what he was talking about just kept telling him it was a blue car.  But he insisted that he would come back during the day and ask him some more questions.  Well the next day came and he never showed so i called the officer and asked him if he was coming, he told me he would be here tomorrow.  So I have been thinking this whole time how inappropriate it is that he wants to question my 3,4,and 6 year old as they are too young to really understand what he is even talking about.  Not to mention I had just spent the day taking each of my kids out there numerous times and asking them if they had touched it and all of them saying no.  Even asked my 6 year old if the others had done it and he said no every time.  I don't want them talking to the kids anymore, just doesn't seem right to me.  All they would need is a yes from a kid who didn't understand and that would be enough, right?  Would you let them come back and speak to your kids again even if your kids didn't understand what they were talking about?

Pythia · Accepted Answer

Okay, I can imagine that a 3 or 4 year old kid won't understand pretty well the questions from police officer but a 6 year old should understand and an officer shouldn't take what a 3 or 4 kids words for granted and you should tell him so that is for starters.
However, you may consider that one of the kids might have done that to get back at your neighbours attitude , after all they are kids and if she used to shout at them all the time they may have done that to get back at her, try to talk calmly to them and tell them that if one of them did that you would understand however, assure them that admitting it would make them brave in your eyes and that you would take full responsibility of the damage and would never blame "a brave " person who addmitted he made a mistake ..

desmeran · Answer

first off, i would not have very young kids outside unsupervised -- 4 and 2 are awfully little to be outside alone in the best of circumstances, and all the more so when there were already ongoing disputes with your neighbor.  at least considering the issues with your neighbor, you should have been out with them, in which case you'd know for sure.  *i typed that before i read your edit, but if you were actually watching them you'd know whether they did it or not.

i would have a very serious discussion with my kids on how important it is to be truthful, and if you think it's remotely possible they did it, i would apologize and pay for the damage.

if you really don't think they did it, i would tell the police i had talked to all three of my kids about it multiple times and i truly believed that they didn't do it, and that you're happy to cooperate however else you can but since he's already questioned your kids and they were clearly too young to even understand what the police were even talking about, you're not comfortable with them being questioned further.

*i can read pretty well, thanks.  but "having the door open" is not the same as being outside with them.  if you were outside supervising them during those 10 minutes, presumably you'd already know for sure what happened, and would not be asking your kids about it as you said originally.

kny390 · Answer

I have a neighbor who won't take responsibility for their kids and, yes, they have damaged my car by riding their bike into it and Mom and Dad were not outside.  (I did see them do the damage by the way.)  Kids lie to cover the butts and and Mom's never want to believe that their little darlings can cause damage that quickly.  

Having the door open is not watching them.  If you even suspect that they may have accidentally scratched her car, pay for it.

ladystang · Answer

at this age, my kids understand and they wouldn't have been outside without me anyway.

talk to a lawyer if worried

? · Answer

At that age your kids should not have been left outside unsupervised. . .

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What would you do with your children in this situation?

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