A Question for Present and Former Teen Moms?

Well, I wasn't a teenage mother BUT, I did live in an area where teenage pregnancy was really common. So I'm going to tell this from the other side.

From what I can see from the mother's perspective, the child is going to take priority #1. It's not just teenagers, it's adults too. The people who want to stick around, will. The people who don't want to stick around, won't.

When I was younger I did have a few friends who were mothers as teens. I stayed close with one of them because she was a very close friend. The others, I wasn't as close to them to begin with. I would meet them for a drink, etc. Sometimes I meet with them now, but I understand full well that if they need to cancel last minute because of their child, that's just how it is. It's no fault of theirs or mine. It's not that I abandoned them, it's that I didn't have anything in common with them--they're a parent, and I'm not.

It's not just with mothers, either. At some point in your life, you begin to learn who is there for you and who isn't. For example, who was there for me when I graduated college, was struggling to find work and then finally found a job? It certainly wasn't who I thought it would be. I cannot assume that everyone I meet with revolve around me. Time will tell these things, not just parenthood.

My wife and I were late teens when we had our first, we're now on number 3.

I moved from my home country before I met my wife and had our son so all my friend's were still back there. We kept in sort of regular contact through social networking but for some reason I did notice when our son was born they all sort of seemed to disappear. I don't do social networking anymore (thank god) but made sure I gave who used to be my close friends my email address. Not one of them has emailed me in the almost 2 years i've not used facebook.

As for my wife her closest friend only wants to come around when the kids are in bed, or hang out with her whilst I look after them which is bang out of order because she can't just drop them to hang with him, you know? But that's what he expects, so needless to say they don't hang out often (maybe three times a year). She has one friend who has an interest in the children because she's a bit baby obsessed but other than that hers disappeared also.

I think its natural. They think if they ask you to go somewhere with them you automatically won't be able to do it because of course you stop being an individual when you have children (not), or you won't be able to get anyone to babysit or won't want to go so they just stop bothering to ask. Or they have no interest in kids and just think if they come around you'll have a screaming kid around so it will spoil your time together so don't bother..

Its sad really.

When my husband and i had our son, we were 18 and 20...and we were one of the last couples in our group of friends to have children. We didn't have many single "unattached" friends. All of our friends were early to mid 20s. The majority of them are still around. Those that aren't, it was because of falling out of touch naturally not because we had a child.

I had one single, non-parent friend and she is still there to talk to, but we don't do much hanging out. And that's to be expected. We live two completely different lives. She's just about to graduate college and is still in that partying phase...i've already graduated college, i'm a wife, i'm a mother, i run my own daycare. Our priorities are different and that doesn't leave a ton of time to get together.

Parents "losing" non-parent friends after some time isn't all that uncommon. Like i said, priorities and responsibilities are different and it gets harder to find that common ground that used to be there. This doesn't just occur with teen parents...it's common for all parents.

Yes they are all still around. Not as close to some but we still have contact & thats w/o even having a fb or some type of social networking. But I must say that most were teen moms themselves so we were maybe even closer.