Thoughts on this wedding and being in the wedding party?

A tux to a potluck wedding????

AHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Your "friend" has no consideration nor manners. Listen, there is nothing wrong with a potluck wedding in July, but it is rude to ask so much of your WP and be so presumptuous to assume your WP would foot the bills for their outrageous dreams that they cannot afford.Your BM and GM are NOT your slaves, cooks, decorators or ATM's. She seems to be more concerned about looks of a party that they obviously cannot afford, making ridiculous demands and setting up too high of expenses and expectations.

Listen, $200 for a BM is actually average, put when you pin showers, bachelorette parties, potluck, gifts, tux, professional hair and make up, you will be looking at nearly $1000.

If this is going to put you through financial hardship or feel that you are being taken advantage of, by all means step down, but you have to know that it will likely be the end of your friendship.

Friends do not treat their friends like cash cows.

I don't know if it is the same where you are, but in the UK a bridesmaid isn't usually expected to buy or hire their own outfits! I was maid of honour for a friend and I arranged her hen party (costs equally split between friends), but there was no way on this earth I would have bought the very uncomfortable dress that girl put me in for an entire day.

If it were me, I'd be sitting down with her and thanking her for her kind offer to be such a big part of her special day. Then try apologising for not being able to give your full committment of time and finances and explain that the cost of these things would mean that you would have to give up a) the horse & carrage b) the big white dress you've seen c) (insert dream wedding need). Tell her you'll support her from the sidelines but you can't do more than that at the moment without detriment to your own wedding plans.

No, it wouldn't be improper if handled right.

Good luck.

Like I said before, these people are nuts. No offense to your friends (if you can still call them that after this is over), but this couple needs a serious reality check. Being a part of the bridal party does not mean you're signing up to be personal servants. You might be asked to buy or rent your outfits and chip in for the bachelor/bachelorette parties (not like the one they're throwing), but in what universe does that translate to catering their wedding? I'm surprised their entire bridal party hasn't bailed at this point. If I were you, I'd step down for personal and financial reasons. Your fiance should probably step down for health reasons, seeing as how I'm pretty sure wearing a full tux all day in July is going to put him in the hospital.

Your anger is NOT misguided.I really think the bride is being demanding and over the top.It is crazy for her to expect you to pay so much for a dress,shoes and make up.I would seriously have a chat with the other girls in the wedding and see how they are feeling about the cost.

You are right about the "reception" being a BBQ and a kegger.If you seriously feel this is too much for the bride to ask of you especially with your wedding coming up so soon then you need to thank her for including you in the wedding party but you do not have all that spare time and money to spend and then drop out.This will probably cause some hurt feelings but she is being really inconsiderate.

having said that I hope you did not go overboard with your bridesmaids and expect them to pay a lot of money for their outfits ???

I also wonder where this girls family and frineds are that they cannot help with decorating the yard and getting tings set up.She needs to send out her own invitations.This is NOT a bridesmaid duty and never has been.

Also every wedding I have ever been in the bride paid for hair and makeup for all bridesmaids.

I would be upset and would back out personally. The bridal party should not be setting up the wedding in professional hair, make up and $300 dresses. If you want a back yard party and you want your bridesmaids to help, great, but then don't expect them to shell out for pricey dresses that they will ruin cooking and setting up the wedding. I'm in a wedding where, apparently, the bridal party is supposed to set up the chairs and tables, but everything else is going to be catered. I'm still a tad annoyed I have to do this is an expensive $250 dollar dress and heels, but I'm just going to be good and say nothing. I know the bride and groom are short on money.

In your case, I'd back out. Sounds like the bride wants you to spend as much money as possible without spending anything herself. And a pot luck wedding? I hope she doesn't expect any gifts, although I'm sure she does. Its not that expensive to get some low key catering. She could likely spend $500 on food (almost what she's asking you to spend on your outfit.)

I'd back out and say you don't have the money for it. Ick, who needs that kind of drama.

No, your anger isn't misguided and you are not being an asshole. The bride is being unreasonable and rude. It's her and her soon-to-be husband's responsibility to pay for their wedding. Nobody is obligated to pay anything, however, the wedding party attendants are only expected to pay for their wedding attire. If the bride says that all the bridesmaids HAVE to have their hair and make-up professionally done, aren't THEY supposed to be the ones paying for it instead of the bridesmaids? And she can't demand a bachelorette party/bridal shower because no bride is entitled to one, someone else has to throw her one out of their own free will, nobody HAS to throw her one. I don't see why she can't address and send out her own wedding invitations. When I got married, I addressed and sent out my own wedding invitations. I personally would step down because I wouldn't want to be breaking the bank for somebody else's wedding and be expected to pay everything that I know I wouldn't be able to afford to begin with. I can understand about the wedding attire but the extra stuff IS too much. And I'm just saying, a good friend wouldn't expect you to literally pay for their wedding.

If all of this is true, then yes, step down. Seriously, gtfo before you have to spend even one more red cent on a couple who clearly doesn't understand that the bridal party is not hired help, and asking men to stand around in full tuxes in JULY is just BEGGING for someone to get heat stroke.

No real friend would treat their friends like this. Here's hoping the dress you bought is at least nice enough to wear to something other than a wedding and/or sell

Your friends suck. I have stories like this, that's why I can believe it's true.

If you can step down with little drama, I would take that route. I have a feeling there will be a lot more drama ahead, so you're best to nip this in the bud. If you actually don't care to maintain these friendships, you can just quit and be done with it.

If not, I would talk to the bride and groom, and see if maybe they see how crazy this all is? Maybe you can at least cut down the price of the dress. And for some of your other duties, feel free to say NO!

You're not being an asshole.

There may not be a tactful way to tell her this. I would also make sure that the dress is appropriate for an outdoor BBQ wedding. If it is long, you may end up ripping it or end up way too hot. It should be short to tea-length.

As for expecting you to do everything, it sounds like she's unrealistic. For the bridal party to set up and expect them to look good is so unrealistic.

If you do voice your concerns, she'll probably kick you out or ask you to step down. Be prepared.

I truly feel bad for you.

I would tell her nicely that under the circumstances,neither of you can be in the wedding party. If she presses you for a reason, I would be vague, but indicate that you can't spend that much time and money on their wedding. I think that this is a trend. You hear about many couples who can't afford a big wedding, but have a big wedding, thinking that the bridal party will make up the difference between what they can afford and what they want.