Would this be selfish?

If you'll have to buy everyones dress bcvof them no. Its just a ripple effect she didn't save so they can't. Or you can try to find cheaoer dresses if you can. Everyone's saying its so easy to save then why couldn't she??? The money can go towards your honeymoon, decor, etc. Just whatever you do make sure you don't regret it later bc u only get 1 wedding!

You're not selfish in expecting the parents to pay for the flower girl dress, and the bridesmaid should pay for her own. But where you went wrong was in telling them this was some kind of bargain because they don't have to pay for anything else.

In today's world, the parents are not EXPECTED to pay for anything. If they offer, great, but your wording seems to imply they're getting off easy. None of this has anything to do with who pays for these dresses, and what your parents are contributing to the wedding is even more irrelevant.

So it's hard to say. You're correct on who should buy the dresses, but that may not be the only issue here. If the girls have already been told, then it shouldn't be rescinded, regardless of anything else.

EDIT: You may be the victim of poor writing skills more than anything else, because I do see your point. But, as just one example, in your question you say "we wanted" the girls to be in the wedding. In your additional details, you say "she" wanted it. These are not the same thing...at all.

If there's this big of a disconnect maybe it's best to rescind it. But you or your fiance have to find a way to do this graciously and without dragging in a lot of baggage. I have no idea why they were asked in the first place, or why your fiance coughed up a couple thousand for a Sweet 16. None of this is ok, but it's impossible to guess where the fault lies. But make sure you know what you're getting into. Most people would flip out if their soon-to-husband did something like this.

Do you really want to marry into this family? You DO marry the family. I wonder why you gave thousands for a sweet 16 party? Was that your choice? Or your fiances? I truly would stop and reflect on this since it will not get better after you marry but only worse.

Regarding the fiances sisters, you told her what she had to do for them to be in the wedding. She requested they be in it. IF she wont do it, then they are not in it. So that is settled.

BUT, as I say, you have a huge problem if you marry. She will keep on pushing. I would cancel the engagement until you and your fiance have a big discussion about her. Put it into a contract ( written) . That way, when she shows up at your door saying she has no place to live, your husband will not take her in. It sounds like she has no ability to keep responsible finances.

It would be wrong to not include people you love and cherish simply because they cannot afford your taste, yes.

But moreover... you told the woman whose family you hope to join that "she would need to save" and that she HAD to contribute financially to the wedding? Sorry to burst your bubble: Nobody has any obligation to contribute anything to your wedding, aside from you and your significant other. You're in the wrong, here. And if you've approached your mother in law with the demands as you've posted here, begging and grovelling for her forgiveness would not be out of line.

To your additional details: WHY would you have to buy your family's dresses if you bought these two? Why would anybody else even know who actually purchased the dresses?

(And again, if what's important to you is the dress and not the person behind it feel free to exclude family...they'll probably be better off in the long run.)

These 2 girls will be your family soon. Coming up with $150.00 is really nothing, and although their mother should be doing that (especially for the 5 year old), she won't, and that's that. I would never exclude family over such a small amount-and I can't believe your fiance would even entertain you doing such a thing, to be honest. Pay for their dresses.

Just because you pay for his sisters' dresses doesn't mean you have to pay for your family's attire. They don't need to know a thing about it. You're being given $6,000. I would think you could come up with $150. yourself or that your fiance could come up with that amount easily. You may look at that as her wedding gift to you, but they clearly do not. You shouldn't assume someone else is going to want to pay fro any part of your wedding. Your parents are being rather generous-I hope you understand that this is strictly kindness and they are in no way obligated to give you a thing, and that even though they are helping, that doesn't obligate anyone else to do anything.

It doesn't matter WHAT his mother spends her money on. It is hers to spend as she sees fit, regardless of who is getting married. It sounds to me like you're very, very young and have some real growing up to do. I'm sorry to say that, but I feel its true.

If you really want them in the wedding, can't they wear something they already own? When we got married, we wanted my husband's niece to be our flower girl, but we told her mom that we just wanted her to wear a pink dress and that was it. She was adorable and I don't know if her mom bought a dress or just used one that she already had and I didn't care.

Well I thought the women being in the wedding paid for their own dress and the wedding coupled paid for the mens tux. Maybe find away to budget it so that it will fit into your budget. or maybe go cheaper. I'm doing my own wedding on the beach and it cost me only $600. including clothing. They have 5 dollar clothing stores. If you can't afford something then dont go all out and pretend you can.

No. You are not responsible for you to clothe your wedding party. Wedding guests and attendants pay for their own clothes.

What you should do is ask them to be in the wedding with the understanding that they need to buy their clothes for it. Then it is up to them if they want to accept or decline.

If they decline because they can't afford the dress, please accept their decision graciously, and thank them for considering it.

You told her that "she needs to save"? You do not tell a grown woman to save for dresses when she obviously have more urgent needs.

If the participation of your fiance's sister is important to you, then YOU foot the bill. If there are there just for show and you rather spend the money on tacky tiaras or stupid sashes, go ahead. It is your parent's money after all to waste at will.

Good luck

You never tell someone "in advance that we wanted her 16 year old daughter to stand up and her 5 year old to be the flower girl". You ask them if they want to, can afford to have their child in your wedding. Your future MIL is not obligated in any way to pay for anything for your wedding. She gets to choose if she wants to. She obviously can't afford it.

If you already told these girls that they will be in your wedding, then it's up to you to pay for their dresses. Do you really want to break their hearts?