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Should I let my son see his father?

Alright, I know there is a lot of forums out there for this question, but I believe it is very circumstantial. So I would like your opinion on what you believe is right. My son is 4, he hasn't seen his dad since he was 1.5 so he really has no idea who he is. He does ask about him and I've shown him pictures but he can't grasp who his daddy really is. My son's father doesn't send birthday cards, child support, phone calls nothing. I get emails about his effed up life how he blows money at the casino or shoots it up his arm, going in and out of treatments and jail. I CANT give him my recent phone number because he's schitzo-effective and bipolar. (I'd get constant phone calls in all hours of the night, and would end up being a verbally abusive deal) I left because I was told by CPS that I'd lose my son if I didn't leave his dad due to his physical abuse towards me. That's the past, so recently we've been talking sort of civilly through emails, and apparently he just got out of treatment. My sons father wants us to come visit him at his fathers house a couple times this summer. Now my issue is, wouldn't it be best to just keep my sons father out of the picture instead of showing my son "hey here's your dad be happy for a day, but it wont last because you won't see him again for another year" My son's father has never fought for his son nor does he even have a car/license. I'd have to do all the work for him. What are your thoughts?

Update:

We live 2 and half hours apart. I would be doing all the work in making my son and his fathers relationship grow and I don't want to do that. It shouldn't be my job. That sounds really selfish for my son, yes he needs his dad, but my son has a father figure.. my father takes him weekly they go four wheeling fishing gopher trapping. So it's not like my son misses out. I do know it hurts him, however, because his friends have asked my son if my father was his dad. :( breaks my heart. I wish my sons father just wanted to do it himself.

Update 2:

I don't think implying that I am a bad mother was a question that I had asked. Unfortunately, my fear is that my son will become a criminal IF HE SEES HIS FATHER. His father is in and out of jail.. real good role model. I'm 26 years old, eventually I will find a good man to be apart of my sons life. I just don't think his father is the right man for that. Now your statistics have nothing to do with how I've raised my son and how I continue to raise him.

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    My thoughts are that you should continue to raise your child away from his father. It's clear (from the sideof the story you have told me anyway) that this childs father is not ready to be a dad. That's neither your problem, nor your sons. So don't make it your sons problem by teasing your son with his father for a short time, only to be disappointed when he is taken away. And dont make it your problem by feeling guilty for declining the invite.

    I beleive every child needs a father and a mother, but they don't need a bad one.

    Continue raising your child on your own. You sound like you're doing a good job as-is.

    Involve him heavily in your side of the family.

    Goodluck

    Source(s): Grew up without a father. And when the time came for me to understand why, I did.
  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Your situation sounds just as bad as my boyfriend's mother's issue with his father. He'll be in prison for blowing up his garage-meth lab until my boyfriend is 22. He was arrested when he was nine. Her decision was not to allow contact any longer, seeing as he wasn't around at all through his childhood and only sends a letter on Christmas or the rare other occasion. If the father only spends his time on drugs or gambling then he's a worthless piece of ****, which im sure you already know. Your son doesnt need an abusive dirtbag like him in his life. He has your father, and although im sure it breaks your heart, many other kids go through this type of thing, and if you stay a good role model for him he'll stay on the right track and grow up to be a good kid. You don't need the extra stress of trying to keep up his relationship with your son. That should be his job.

  • 9 years ago

    My opinion would be not taking him to his father! As in the past he hurt you, and did other things. Just because someone came out of treatment, doesn't mean anything. He can get back into his old ways pretty fast. Keep you and your son safe!

    I am 23 and I haven't see my father since I was 5. It doesn't bother me one bit, cause I am happy that I do not have a absive person in my life, and I have friends and family that love me! Just because you don't have a father in your life doesn't mean anything different. At least he has a guy around to show him things, thats all that matters!

  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    Sorry i do no longer understand the regulation in TN yet actual there's a call for to pay newborn help. i would not hardship attempting any further with this loser. thankfully your son is merely too small at this ingredient to care. however the father isn't lots of a function kind besides.

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  • I would be very careful if you do meet with him. Maybe meet at a public place, like a restaurant, mini golf place, something like chuck-e-cheese. That way his dad will be on his best behavior and hopefully won't be abusive. I think that your son should have an opportunity to meet him and get to know him a little better.

  • 9 years ago

    Yes, let him see his father. Do you want your child to grow up without seeing or knowing his father? Your son might grow up top hate his father, please do so. If I was in your current situation I would allow my son to see his father because your son might be feeling down deep inside. It might be safe because he want you to visit him at his father's house, his father might be there too.

    What is wrong with you people? How can you make your child not see his father? that's terrible. When my father chocked my mom and wen to jail, I didn't see him for years. I was very depressed inside, but I didn't show it. I would NEVER let my child grow up to no see his father, that is so cruel for a human being to do.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    No, a relapse on his part and you will never forgive yourself if your son is in the line of fire.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Society does not need another fatherless child being raised by a single mother to contribute to 90% of crime.

    http://www.squidoo.com/children-of-separated-paren...

    http://divpat.org/PDF/Boys_Lost_N_Fatherless_Homes...

  • 9 years ago

    no dont let him

    Source(s): experience..
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