Is my mom in the wrong, or is it me? What should I do differently?

Question

Lately, my mom has been acting really mean to me. She was recently diagnosed with depression, and so I've tried to be kind/ understanding to her; but I think that the nicer I am, she thinks I'm patronizing her, and it makes her madder. I always make dinner for her, and am driving my brother everywhere (I'm 17), and have been staying home more often than usual (like I was gonna hang out with my boyfriend on friday but she was crying in her room so I stayed home instead and watched a movie with her.) She was really nice while we were watching the movie, but then like an hour afterwards she told me that I needed to get some of my own friends and stop bothering her all the time. I was really hurt by this, so I got kind of angry and told her that  I was tired of being around her when she was always so cynical and mean to me. So then I took my car and drove over to my boyfriends and spent the night there. She kept calling me but I was so mad that I ignored her. In the morning, I drove home and she wouldn't talk to me. I kept bugging her and trying to apologize that she eventually got really, really angry and pushed me into our slider door and started throwing things at me and said that I was selfish and only cared about myself. Then she started crying and said that she should have never had kids, because she was a failure. Then she went into her room. This was earlier today and she still won't talk to me and I feel terrible about everything. I know I messed up but I'm just having such a hard time getting along with her and I don't know what to do.

Any advice would be really appreciated...thank you :)

Stella · Accepted Answer

I would definitely be mad if I were you! Is she taking medicine to help with the depression? She might still be trying to adjust. I would continue to help out like you have been and just walk away if she gets mad at you. It'll take her some time to get over it and when she does she'll feel really bad about what she did and apologize to you.

Anonymous · Answer

Getting along with a depressed person is not easy. Sure she feels like everything is a failure, it's depression. But I think that your mother feels bad about you being 17 and staying inside trying to take care of her, alittle help here and there is good, just give her some time aswell. She probably feels that she is stealing your life, and doesn't know how to say it too you.

Anonymous · Answer

there is NOTHING that you can say or do to make her feel better or worse...she is dealing with a mental illness.....the only thing you CAN do to lessen her outbursts is just agree with her...validate her feelings (even if you disagree)...in the end, does it really matter who's right or wrong?  As long as it helps her diffuse....

As far as living with a depressed person, you have to realize that it is never you...it is a chemical imbalance that only medication and therapy will help with.....

My mom has depression, and it comes out in crying fits, anger, blame, etc...I have learned that no matter what I say, it doesn't help...I just agree with her when she is on a rant....when she's upset, I just tell her things will get better....

Chin up....

? · Answer

just give her time to breath and figure out what shes gonna do with her life from now on. like tell her " if you wanna talk about anything then come to me.shes really just in a confused state like when she was acting all comforting then mad. and if she starts yelling at you just try your hardest not to yell anything back. just say "ok mom . please calm down" and try your hardest to act calm. and keep up the good work on taking care of stuff around the house. its probably helping her alot and keep her away from stress or else it can lead to bad things !

cochise · Answer

I hope she is taking meds for the depression if not maybe someone she really trusts can convince her too.If she just started taking meds it will take about 30 days for you to see a change in her behavior.Keep your distance,but yet be there for her.She's having a very tough time right now.You can also go to a mental health center to learn how you can help her and get some help for yourself as well.I wish you & your family the very very best.Good Luck & God Bless!!!!

HEROiNE92 · Answer

From reading your paragraph, I'm sorry but your mother needs to be on serious medication. Next time she goes to the doctor, go with her and explain to her doctor what she has done without your mother listening because she will most likely deny it.

Silver · Answer

I know how it will feel if my mother would of done that to me, But maybe that'll pass my mom when she gets really upset she tells me stuff but then she apologizes to me but maybe your mom just needs some rest and peace and maybe she'll act all normal again :) 

P.s I know i know maybe i didnt help but hey i gave some advice right? :)

? · Answer

She is too depressed to take care of herself, but she feels guilty that you are taking care of her, so she's lashing out at you.

Can you get her to see her doctor for the depression?

You can also limit your contact with her so that she'll have fewer chances to lash out.  You don't have to avoid her, but set boundaries.

Anonymous · Answer

She's definitly in the wrong give her space but stil be nice to her. It's not your fault that she's depressed and it wasn't your fault that she cried

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Is my mom in the wrong, or is it me? What should I do differently?

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