Keeping with the theme of stay at home moms...?

Well, in our household, there are two full-time working parents, and yet we live in a crappy apartment, ration out when we drive the car because gas is too expensive, we don't have TV or cell phones and plan meals based on sales. Some people are more fortunate than others when it comes to money and it's not always based on who works the hardest at their job or is the best at keeping track of money. That goes for both working and staying home parents.

I don't know why it's a competition between the two about who works harder...but hey, that said, we're attempting to grow cilantro on our balcony! Do I win the prize since I'm a working parent who grows stuff too? (Okay, it's not the most useful thing in the world... but it's the fact we're growing something that should count).

Edit: And I agree with Trixie that staying home is a privilege. You may have to work hard for it, but you can still have it. There are people who work harder than you can still can't. Think of people who come to North America from Somalia, can't read and write, can't speak English, have no qualifications, and have 4 kids. Do you think they can stay home if they work really hard? Not without leaching off the government (which since you can do that in Canada, I'd have to say that's a privilege provided by the government).

Edit: Of course things we "given" to you. You could have been born in a 3rd world country, your husband could have gotten cancer and died last year, etc. Privilege, luck whatever, it's not all because of your efforts.

I am not saying you don't work hard, but I also think it's ridiculous to suggest that *anyone* in the world could do what you have done if they wanted to and tried hard enough. That's simply not true. However, it doesn't take away from your efforts because there are people with the same good fortune as you who throw it away too.

Edit: Yes, I agree being able to work is also a privilege. It depends on the situation.

I am a SAHM but even before when I was a full time working parent I knew that we didn't live in luxury and privilege. My mom was a SAHM (until she left us), a few of my friends had SAHM's but I also had friends with working moms. I wouldn't say my mom "worked" as much...raising a garden, cooking from scratch, etc. but we lived well within our means...or all but my mom did at least. Money was only an issue because my mom lied and put my dad in a ton of debt, basically bankrupting him to where I was afraid to ask for new clothes because he couldn't afford it after paying her spousal support.

Anyways, alot of working mothers make career and financial sacrifices too. Taking lower paying jobs that aren't in their field so they can be closer to home and bust butt getting home to make it to daycare on time before they close. Raising a garden after work in the evenings to cut on grocery bills so they can afford daycare so they can go to work because they have no choice. I've been on both ends of the stick and admit that being a SAHM is much better than any paying job I've ever had but I don't count the things I do to make it possible. I can give numerous examples of the things my husband does to let me be a SAHM but it's not necessary.

My wife is a stay at home mom and she loves it. She doesn't complain as much as people on here. If you want to stay at home, then good for you.

Some people prefer quality over quantity. Some kids would rather have a mom that works but is home on weekends over a mother that stays at home and does nothing with them.

My sisters husband passed away. She has no other option than to work. If she stayed home, then they wouldn't be able to keep their house.

Do what is best for your family and leave everyone out of it. This whole "I am the best mother" thing is super childish.

Well, I work full time and a part-time job as a nutritionist and executive chef, respectively, and in culinary school for my pastry certificate. We just planted a huge garden but aside from that, we are part of locally grown community where produce is delivered to us and we order most of our meats. As a chef, I make over 99 percent of meals from scratch, including my sauces, which I make on the weekends. So working doesn't have to get in the way of homemaking.

To answer your question, I don't think the average stay at home mom lives in luxury, just like I know the average working woman with a working husband isn't one step away from poverty if she doesn't work.

Life is about choices and one of the choices families make is what roles its members will take on.

I'm not sure if you'd say I'm a SAHM, because normally I'm in college full time, but my husband is our sole breadwinner. Some moms probably do have more financial freedom in one income homes than I do, but most of the SAHMs I know do cut corners to make it work.

Personally, we have one car and one bus pass. I clip coupons from a variety of sources and make food from scratch whenever possible. I don't have a cell phone, but hubby does, and it's a prepaid phone. we don't have cable tv, but because I'm in school, we do have wifi. If it's not on youtube or in redbox for a dollar a night, we don't watch it. Most of our clothes are secondhand and shoes come from payless or walmart. My husband cuts everyone's hair and I mend our clothes. My daughter goes to preschool at church which costs twenty dollars a month. There's more, but there's no time :P

Everybody is different.

One of the things I missed being able to do when I worked full time was garden. I kept a year round garden when I was home with my kids, but couldn't do it once I started working full time. I enjoyed baking from scratch, but when I was working full time I couldn't do it any more.

I have been poor staying home with my kids, working part time, working full time, and working two jobs at a time. :o)

I have never heard anyone (other than on YA) who cares how other people choose to live their lives.

And Manda is right....people who are constantly critical of how others live are not happy with themselves. Happy people do not spend all their time finding fault. Their complaints really have nothing to do with you (or me), so don't take them to heart.

Yahoo is the only place in the world that has this backwards. I have done both. I love working outside the home. Lunch with friends, me time, interaction without worrying about the kids, that is luxury to me. When I was home, I was worrying about what they were doing all day, chasing them around, thinking up activities to do to keep them occupied, stayed home because my world revolved around their naps as to when I could venture out into the world. What you don't understand is the people on here who promote this debate are unhappy. They have a dream of what their life should be like and what they want it to be like and use this site to promote it to hide their unhappiness with their life. Take pity of these people. Do not take it to heart. Most mothers have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom at some point in their life, so I don't see the reason for such hostility. It all stems from jealousy and self hatred.

i think the only two things all sahms have in common are that they have children and don't work for pay. like working parents, they can be pretty much anywhere in terms of their financial situation.

but ultimately i'm not sure why it matters. even those moms experiencing "luxury and privilege" (and that likely includes me) surely have challenges of their own, even if not financial. all of us, working or not, give up some things in order to experience others. and ultimately a person's worth (as a person or as a parent) doesn't depend on how hard they have to struggle, though that often seems to be an unspoken assumption when people start comparing the challenges that they have to contend with.

I don't think they all live in luxury, but being able to stay home is a privilege no matter what your lifestyle is like. I'm not sure you understand the full definition of privilege.

*You have been given the opportunity to stay home and enjoy your children thanks to your husband working hard which allows you to do so. If it's not a privilege then what is it? It's certainly not a right. It's not something everyone gets or is entitled to.

but do you think that because a mom works, they can expend money like it grows on trees..there are all kinds of people, & ya do what works for your family...we all sacrifice, we all work it out within our families...a mom is a mom, a good mom truly doesn't need to compare herself to others...but they all still need a pat on the back!!