Please read and rate my poem?

From the looks of it, you have chosen a couplet rhyme scheme. AA BB CC... etc. One thing I would fit right of the bat is to break this up into stanzas. Stanzas are very imperative to poetry. It is a highly important means of deciding certain thoughts, concepts and actions. Think of a stanza as to that of paragraphs in prose writing.

For the meat of your work, I'd say nice job! I like the self reflecting concept with the passing of time. Coming back to her grave site and apologizing to herself is something very personal that we all connect with in one form or fashion. And we are always our harshest critics. Your line "Their bodies lay Parallel, side by side" really reminded me of Dickinson's 'I Died for Beauty-- but was Scarce.' Especially the opening stanza "adjusted in the tomb."

One line I didn't really understand was "[Three] other girls by the tree they laid... she fought with the girls with all her might." It may just be me. I just made be confused. But I had no idea what these girls were about. Is it referencing the subtle stereotype of the competitiveness girls often face with love? That's the only thing I could pull form it.

One other thing I'd mention is your flow. This is one of the hardest things in poetry. Some poems don't have/ need it. The beauty of poetry is you can break all the rules. I just personally really like flowing poems and having a couplet it will naturally do that. The following lines have great flow:

"A sinless young girl of only [fourteen]

Living along with only a dream

Long hair and braces and naive to the world

Cheeks bright red and lashes curled

Dumped in a forest where predators lay

She never thought she'd see the day

The 3rd oak tree that's to the right

A monster captivated by her sight."

It's hard to point out why this is good. For me, just reading it out loud, it naturally moves. No line is favoring more than the other. The bi-lines with the rhyme (AA, BB...) work well here. Complementing the next. So, I'd read through some of the other ones and just see. Does it feel awkward? Do some lines seem to carry on? etc

And then in general, other hard aspect of poetry is the imagery. The more the better. But this is where all the creativity comes in. Yours is not bad by any means. "The tree has rotted and the plants are black." - Very good. I can picture it in my head. Good imagery. The internal thought being transitioned to outward dialogue certainly adds complexity to that. You don't want to just say what she's thinking, get your reader to utter those words by the description of her emotions.

And lastly, I'd say rework the ending. Mainly the last line. It is a beautifully yet saddening ending thought. In your unconscious you can make life whatever you want and be with whomever you want. It is in a way giving in but all also settling with reality and choosing happiness in unconventional ways. Very raw and real. Ratable. But I felt that last line didn't give it justice. You also used 'beam' once before. Drive that finishing thought home.

Maybe...

'A girl, now a woman, still within her dream

In her mind, he and she will always be inseam.' ??? I don't know... Just throwing it out there. Maybe rework the rhyme all together.

Ok, also, most important, DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING I AM SAYING THE WORNG WAY. I just really like giving very specific comments. This really is great. I'm also no expert, just a passionate individual with my own opinions. Like I said, I love the journey your protag is taking. Self examination is very human and powerful and doing in post death in your poem adds that's new element. Great work!!

AND, be careful posting your work online with no copyright notices etc... People suck sometimes and I hate to see someone steal your work and you have no proof of copyright. Anytime I post work online I always post a little copy right notice at the end. Something simple like:

(c) [your name, or business, etc]

[month, year]

'All Rights Reserved'

Even that can make a big difference of proving when the work was conceptualized and created.

Thanks for allowing me the pleasure of seeing your work!

Its very good 8/10

bu ti think the line "What is the story that we can all learn?" takes away from the rest of the poem

I think it would be better if you changed it or cut it out

8.5 out of 10

Not bad. 8/9 out of 10.

Thanks for sharing. :]