New Poem: Minute Minutes, if you may c/c?

I desperately want to know what stopped you in mid-action, to gaze upon a blank wall where you see images from your past scrolling quickly as a movie montage. But I know that sometimes it is much more difficult to stop the motorcade than start it. Twisting, stringent swirls of memory haunt me when I least desire, with even beautiful, sentimental images causing a twinge at the heart and a gasp of breath.

I do not see pain here -- I see a delight, a mesmerization with the flickering past. I envision you reaching out to gently touch these images, with softness and surprise. This is the way it should be.

You have developed a classically-simple structure here wherein the reader can hang personal thoughts, impressions, feelings, philosophies, conceptions, like an infinite closet. Your personal anecdotes are the spark of memory for others.

The final stanza subtly reminds us of the conditions of our Lease on Life. Very well done.

Viki,

I usually don't criticize as I think there is no such thing as constructive criticism and I won't now. I don't take criticism well so I don't give it. One person's opinion is rarely better than anyone Else's. They just see through different eyes and have different thoughts. What you have there is very good, however I would suggest the following items.

In line 6, stanza one, I would change "seeing far" to "contemplating" as your view is more through the thought process than the visual senses.

The second stanza I would make more positive by adding two lines. line seven would be "but wounds heal" and eight "as I move on".

The third stanza I would leave as is.

Stanza four, line eight I would change to "and never forgotten", as truly cherished memories are rarely ever forgotten.

To stanza five I would add a comma after line three and add as a line four the word "always".

I hope this helps. Keep up the good work.

Neil

PS A couple of weeks ago you mentioned having been in the hospital on morphine and being near death. If that was a recent illness, I hope you are much better now. Life is supposed to be enjoyed. However, it's those rough times that allow us to better enjoy the good times.

Tori

I love your poems. When I answer, I usually never read the answers until after I am done, then I'll edit if needed, but your style is so different that mine I need help, well, not help, but re-assurance, so I read your poems twice, read the answers and here I am. My limited poetic sapience needs oder of some kind. I envy your ability to create from a beautiful mind.

I agree with Andy P.......where I might be looking for points of poetic construct, with the enjoyment I get out of your pieces you can pretty much chuck that out the window. It's like a Bret Favre pass....totally unorthodox, but a thing of beauty.

What I have gotten with several of your last pieces, albeit at different times due to the challenges you are going through, is a introspective look of live through a fast forward, and well used rewind button as well. You would do well to travel on my Time Machine my lady.

No matter what has happened in the past, or will in the future, your commander in chief, your navigator, and your sin substitute, is what will see you some day into an Eternity of wonder and worship.

Congrats!

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I am generally more rigid when it comes to my writing,

counting syllables and constructing the form of a poem.

But this piece flows smoothly and conveys meaning easily without all that.

The writing style reminds me of the song writer Jackson Browne.

From the first word I was caught and felt your sentiment.

I liked the way you wrapped everything up by the 4th stanza and then

gave me a little more to think about in the last.

I enjoyed reading Minute Minutes and I like the title too.

Very good work.

I like this Tori. Now I know what to say when someone catches me staring at a blank wall...it isn't really blank. The line "History is written on the air" is masterful.

Good job!

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Good poem.

I especially like the last stanza in the stair step format.

Tomorrow

may never come

but yesterday is present.

Well said.

.

Victoria it is always a joy to see you here. You are a gentle light, when times might seem most dark.

I only have one suggestion, forgive the brat I am.

"So many presents

under the tree."

I might have said "gifts"

This is,,,and I say this with no offense meant at all, a bitter sweet piece, I most enjoyed.

Tori !!

I read it again and again. I enjoy your writings. It is true that " all the yesterdays flicker by like a fast forwarded video happy, sad, laughter, sorrow moments cherished and forgotten."

Thanks for sharing it.

Yesterday is present

but tomorrow is unknown

Cherish every moment

happy,sad ,laughter or anger

ever the noises are somehow happiness..

Is the title a play on words? Like tiny minutes?

I like the poem. I like the reference to past, present and future existing simultaneously.

Well done.

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