Is this poem all right?

Question

Misery me, take me to the dark land,
For joy and happiness has conquered.
Sadden me, fill me by your stark hand,
As sorrow has not yet procured.
Release events, ones which behold tears,
Because that is how you work.
Contaminate events, from forth my blackest fears,
Reason for this could be nature.
Misery joy, and all its counterparts,
Ruining all merrymaking and laughter,
Sadden happiness, slaying with it, hearts,
To return to pleasure soon after.
So, brew a new potion, dear Fate,
One which sings many songs,
And make my cheers seem belate,
For in contentment you've put me so long.

I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you think, please.

musicianforever · Accepted Answer

Wanna hear the truth?
People will get bored and they will feel like they're in a mess while reading this. They'll get tense because this is so sticked. Sentences.. it feels like they never end! Try to write poems this way;

*******,
******.
****,
*******.

******,
****.
*********,
******.

 ..only if you don't want the audience to get bored because you might getting a great poem bad.

 Secondly, I also noticed that you kept making rhymes in sentences. Try to make rhymes sentence to sentence, but don't rhyme in every sentence. Let it be like;

*********,
******. (rhyme)
*********,
********. (rhyme)

OR

*********, (rhyme)
******.
***********,(rhyme)
********.

 People usually choose the first one, so I suggest you to choose the second. Being unique is always good. If you want to rhyme in every sentence, then rhyme in EXACTLY EVERY SENTENCE.

 PS: Do NOT rhyme in 3rd sentence, then 4th, then 8th, then 13th. Get that?

 I loved the way you used words.

 Another tip: NEVER create sentences that has two 'the's' in it.

  EVENTUALLY, THIS IS A GREAT POEM.

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Is this poem all right?

1 Answer