Is the abuse going to get worse?

it is physical abuse. it will almost certainly get worse. I suggest you talk to a marriage counselor asap. Both of you or just you. Get advised of your rights. (like restraining order etc) don

The answer is in your question. You say that when he yanked your hair, screaming at you, was the first physical contact, OTHER THAN he pushed you a few times. So you see, the pushing is actually physical abuse. And yes, it will continue and get worse.

Or, it won't. If you get out of that situation as fast as possible, it will be better for you AND your kids. Your kids do not belong in an abusive environment, and that's very important. But, look at how you live every day....do you really want to be called those names on a continual basis, for the rest of your life?? Do you think it's okay for him to have called you those names? Of course you don't. Do you really want to report to him any time you do anything?? Or, do you want to live normally, and just have the freedom to do what you want, and not have to worry about what he will do or say?? If you want your life to change, then why are you still with him? Here is why; you think it will just get better on it's own. But it won't. Your husband has serious issues and the ONLY way to deal with his anger is through treatment. You are not in a normal, loving marriage; you are with an abuser, and I hope you get out.

AK, I hope that you will be able to hear. Typically, abuse victims in your position are not able to take appropriate action when they should. The exposure to abuse for a long period of time diminishes our ability to see the reality of our situation, so when something VERY significant occurs, we are unable to identify it accurately, and then we slip right back into the "questioning our own reality" state: am I over reacting?

I've worked in the mental health field for many years, and physical and emotional domestic abuse was a big part of that. When individuals finally start to take a look and ask questions they're usually shocked by the urgency, level of danger, or depth of illness their therapist, counselor, or fellow abuse survivors at the meeting use to describe the situation they're in.The description of your situation reads like it's right out of the manual.

This is a tough read. AK, you are in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship that is well along in the process. The language he uses to demean you, and the control of your actions would be considered major emotional abuse. Shoving you occasionally IS physical abuse. Pulling your hair and screaming in your face IS physical abuse (and battery). The hair incident is an escalation and, often, that is an event that marks the beginning of a pattern of more frequent and/or more violent episodes.

Yes, it will get worse. DO NOT entertain any ideas that you can change that. There are only three scenarios where you will be able to avoid further violence: You move out of the house and have no physical contact(or he moves out), or, he is arrested for domestic violence and is incarcerated for a significant period of time (only safe while he's in, though), or, your husband WILLINGLY and with commitment enters a treatment program for violent offenders. NOT okay to be with him if he's in an outpatient program. NOT okay to stay together if he agrees to go to a therapist. A desire to make your marriage work is a possibility if he is able to recover to a high degree. It will take months or more. The abusive environment has and is having a greater impact on your kids than you are probably aware of. The situation you are in is more serious than you are able to grasp right now.

Really hard, I know. I'm sorry. I will tell you that I know a number of very genuinely happy women and a few men who were where you are right now at one time. There was alot of effort in between, but every single one of them would tell you that it was absolutely worth it in spades.

My greatest concern is that you will fall back into denial of the seriousness of the situation and take no action. Your next step is to gather some information and begin to decide what you need to do.

DO NOT bring this up to your husband until you've gotten the advice of a domestic abuse counselor. And for God's sake if your husband starts to go into a rage DO NOT ARGUE WITH OR ANTAGONIZE HIM!!! Don't even try to talk or reason with him. Immediately walk out. Don't talk, just go. Go outside, down the street, whatever. Stay away an hour if you can. Half hour minimum.

Next assignment: call the National Domestic Violence Hot line 800-799-7233 They can guide you with some acute information and further referral. Please be careful.

I bet you weren't looking for all of this. You are absolutely welcome to Y!A msg. me anytime for any reason. I'd like to know how you're doing.

Very best regards,

Edward

In my experience, yes, your gut is correct in telling you it will just get worse. If his anger is not controlled, it will continue to get worse as more and more arguments arise. Any man who uses his strength to hurt a woman rather than to protect her is not much of a man at all. Physically touching you in anyway that is aggressive in nature is surely not acceptable and is physical abuse. A police officer would arrest a person for yanking hair.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but if you were my sister, I would tell you to get away ASAP. It does a great deal of emotional harm to children to hear and see their parents fighting so badly. I've seen boys follow their dad's footsteps believing it was normal for a husband to rule over his wife and even hit her when he's upset. I would surely get away from him and demand he get some help before going back to him. Getting therapy is not a reason to return either in my opinion. A person must prove over time that he or she has truly changed for the better.

I truly hope you find the strength and support from others to do what is needed to protect yourself and your children. Anger issues have been known to spiral out of control in many people. Alcohol doesn't help either, and a person who can't control his drinking doesn't need to be drinking at all.

Be strong and do not doubt your inner strength. It may not be easy, but you can do what needs to be done.

Good luck dear. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

You are most definitely not over reacting. You should get a divorce ASAP and don't listen to the **** he's gonna say when he's sobber, like 'i still love you' or 'do it for the kids'. It's bullshit. It is going to get worse, trust me. And as for the kids, i grew up with an abusive dad, towards my mum that is, and even though i was really young i still remember the times like it was yesterday. She got divorced then back together, BECAUSE OF ME. I hated living with him, and i wish she would divorce him (she's still with him), i would have grown up a much more happier and much more confident girl. Whether you realise it or not, the kids do know what's going on, whether you think they're sleeping (they probably are faking like i did), or out of the house (lurking around the house, anxious about what might happen), and it's not good for their well-being. Plus, if they love you, they'll start building up hatred towards their father, and it will eat them up inside that they can't protect you.

Please, do it for yourself! You don't deserve to be yelled at and hit! No one does! You're a human just like the Queen is! You don't need to put up with his crap, plus, he'll learn his lesson (hopefully) and he'll have to deal with it, while you go out whenever you like, spend more time with the kids, and be relaxed and have a sense of security in your house :) Safe for the kids (they'll probably be scared), and safe for you :)

I hope you make the right choice, and I wish you and your kids the best!

properly, actual being actual, is definitely worse as you should finally end up lack of life. yet Verbal can and frequently does impression you mentally. this can be only as undesirable. This being I truly ought to assert they're both equivalent. and that i also needs to assert Abuse may be contained in the kind of sex, as in sexual abuse. ALL ARE undesirable. If someone is in an abusive courting, get out of it and do it now.

It's not only going to get worse, it's also showing your boys how dad treats mom. In the future they might become the abusers with their own wives..just because of good old dad. Don't put up with abuse show him what your worth but don't confront him...do it behind the scenes...he is getting out of control and you don't want him hurting anyone especially the kids. You can do this, we have faith in you. Good Luck!

Baby~

Yes, its going down hill. Its like anyone with an addiction.... They eventually want more and in your case its going to get worse. And now sorry to say, its your fault. You shouldve put an end to it from the first time he shoved you. By you not doing anything then, you let the door open to, well, you are living it now. Its not going to get better, if your children worry you then get out, you dont have to live like that.

I am sad to say yes it will. Everyone on here says go for counselling, but it would be a great idea if you could. Maybe join a group of abused women and get to know their stories, you will be able to relate and maybe for you the penny will drop and it will help prevent it getting worse.

Divorce. now, why are you here and not getting a divorce.