My dad is dying...am I suppose to have an emotional plan for after?

Dear Calcium Carbonate,

I like your name. The plan in which your friend is referring is the Kubler-Ross Model on dealing with the stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It is a rudimentary guideline for how one governs their emotions during a troublesome time in their life. Are you close with you father? If so, then you need a support system in place to deal with the pain of losing your dad. And your mom may grieve for him too, she is helping care for him in his final days. Also, your father is really dealing with some heavy stuff too. I do not know if he is conscious or not but he may need counseling to deal with his final days. Perhaps a priest or minister to administer his last rights? Any wishes he wants to be taken care of? Where does he want his ashes scattered? Bereavement counciling may do you all some good. And you don't have to be religious to have a priest come to the house. It may make your father feel better if he doesn't believe in it. I am not overly religious but I always pray for self improvement as well as that for others and I have received charms, blessings, and protective bracelets from people and though I don't prescribe to their validity, it doesn't ever hurt to have some extra coverage.

Perhaps your friend is suggesting that you cement a support system for the times when it gets to be too much for you to deal with your father's affairs. No doubt he has a house full of furniture, paperwork, photos, dishes, mail, etc. that will have to dealt with. Get your friends and family to help you remove his things and find out what to do with it all. You may want to have a yard sale? You may want to give some things away to close family and friends of his? All of this can be taxing on an only child and you are probably working and have a family of your own too so that can be tough.

Hope this helps!

First off, I'm sorry to hear about your father.

There's no rule that says you have to have a plan. Even if you have one, it may change drastically after your father passes away. You're not going to know how you'll feel from day to day, so the best "plan" is to take it one day at a time. You'll need to grieve for your father and get used to not having him around. That could take weeks, months, or years.

Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel, and don't let anyone tell you what you should do to deal with the loss. It's one thing if people make helpful suggestions -- like joining a grief support group -- but many times people who mean well will try to get you to do what they think is the right thing. YOU have to decide how to handle it.

So don't worry about having a plan. Get through it as best you can, allow yourself to have "bad days," and if you think you need help then look or ask for it.

Forget what your friend said. I am also an only child. My husband and my father died within 4 months of each other 10 years ago. My mother was already deceased. Initially, you give yourself some time just to grasp what has happened. You also talk to your friends who are close, and if you need to get some grief counseling. I never had grief counseling, but I got into a meditation class that helped me quiet my mind which was in overload. If you keep moving forward, no matter how slowly, you will come out the other side. Do what you need to do to get through it. Only you know what that is.

I can emphatize with your pain. My dad died from lung cancer too its a pretty fast death. Lost my mother from breast cancer soon after that. I don't think you really need a game plan but you can make one as you go along. Your already in enough stress from all the turmoil happening right now. I made some mistakes and thats ok im over it. But the best medicine for me was being by myself and watching comedy movies for a year or two. Best wishes!

No, no plan, just be there as you are and be strong, your Dad will not want to see you distressed so save that bit till later. Grieving will come and you will eventually remember the better times and the fun times and the moments when he smiled and hugged you.

Big hug from all of us who support the forum.

I consider that everybody has feelings. Your pal surely demands a well help community of peers. Please be respectful of him, and maintain him for your ideas if he is going by way of any tough occasions considering the fact that he would fall and breakdown. Spend a while with him, however train knowledge while you are round him. Just in case he is bought a weigh down on you or anything, be respectful and do not holiday his middle although you do not like him, simply persuade him you 2 would not be well in combination till he will get the image. I knew a man like this again in school and a few ladies dealt with him like he used to be homosexual however anyhow, while he built a weigh down on a woman who used to be honestly best his pal, he felt betrayed while she bought a boyfriend and to make topic worse (I do not if she did this on motive to him) however she'd depart main points approximately her intercourse existence for him to get a trace and that overwhelmed him. Then this man had a loved ones tragedy occur to him in a while afterwards...

Dear Caco, Honey I am so sorry for what your going through, and I also lost my mom much the same way. I can tell you that prayer helps very much and God wants to hear from you and is waiting sweetheart. I especially like Mother Theresa of Calcutta's healing prayer called "Jesus My All in All" found online. Also Check out Matt Maher song "Remembrance" on utube. I recall that it takes a couple of years before you fully are back to feeling like your old self. Pray helps so much! I am thinking of you honey and praying for you and your dad. hugs and love to you.