How do i get out of this rut?

Question

I got my first wife pregnant when i was 16 and moved in with her. I completed  2 years of college. We god married when i was 20.  Then ii joined the army. We had another baby when i was 21.  She started cheating on me and staying out all night every night about 2 years later, so i left her. She abandoned the kids so i took them. She got arrested for check fraud.  I bailed her out and paid her restitution.  Eventually we got back together. She got pregnant again and i got out of the army.  She was supposed to work while i worked nights took care of the kids and finished college but she just left me with the kids and hung out with her friends all the time.  I met someone else and left her.  A couple months later she attempted suicide and i found out she was on drugs so my mom and her friend brought the kids to me one day while she was all highed up. She got hooked on herion and basically was gone for 6 years.  later i got the kids and we got divorced.  i hadgot to fileme bankruptsy because ithey couldnt make enough money to support me andwhile the kids. I got a masters degreedegree and ai good job.  She got clean and we reconciled and eventually god remarried.   We bought a house which lost 25 percent of its value and has been over 50K under water ever since.  3 years later she left me for an 19 year old and took the kids and moved in with him.  I remarried about 22 years later but my second wife cheated on me twice with her babys daddy and left me after 5 months of marriage.  I had to file bankruptsy again because she and her kids trashed our rented house while i was gone and i got sued for 15k and id already borrowed 15k trying to pay our bills. Because she couldnt or wouldnt find aa job (too busy cheating on me) and because ishe tried to fight for custody of my kids. Now i seldom see my kids because they are too busy, i have to pay 1800 in child support, i have a mortgage to pay my second wife stole all my worldly posessions and im branded a **** up at work.

? · Accepted Answer

Tyler, you have made some really poor decisions in your life.  I am so sorry for where you find yourself today.  You appear to have a thing for 'bad news' women.  If I've done the math correctly, you are somewhere around 40?  You are still young enough to straighten your life out.  Stay away from questionable women.  Don't marry again unless you are 100% sure.  Keep trying to reconnect with your kids.  Have NOTHING to do with either of your ex-wives.  Demand more for yourself from life and do not settle for less than you deserve.  God Bless.

Anonymous · Answer

One thing at a time sir.
Child support payments can be reduced by the court to allow you to pay off bills quicker especially if the debt created was created during a failed marriage because of her cheating. So there is one thing to work on.

2 nd. Wow. You have bad luck with women. Try a different type. You may have to do what some men hate to do and think about why you pick the type of women you do. What attracts you? You can go to just a counselor for this but refuse to take any test as they may affect you if you want to enlist again.
That means refuse to see anyone through any type of public funding. Private health insurance for private councelors only and yes you can ask the counselor any questions you like.

3 I don't know if you recognize it but romanticly (according to other men and women over the age of 40) you are in a better place to pick and chose. The women usually chose below the age of 35 and the men above about the age of 40. But I do think women in general maybe scared off by thinking they will have to support you inveiw of the financial picture you present. I would think I would be supporting you while you were trying to clean up years of financial disaster from the last marriage. 

4 I know its not pretty to read. I am only pointing out things you need to address such as. Asking your future wife about her financial responsibilities in the past and making sure she is stable as a person as well as financialy. There seems to be some bigg taboo out there about asking to se the tax returns of the person you will marry. I say BS. The other persons past will affect my quality of life well into the future. Trust or love has nothing to do with it. If the other person,man or woman, refuses to show financial papers it is because he or she is being dishonest his or herself. It doesn't matter if I love someone . Assuming thousands of dollars of debt will not prove I love that person or trust that person.
It kind of the not so pleasant game of show me your and I ll show you mine. Do exspect for her to ask you too. Yes ask for those papers!! Talk to friends and family to see what happened to the last hasband or boyfriend. Or if she leave a trail of disaster or debt or brokenhearts or what ever.

Other than that you seem to know what to do. Wished I had more suggestions for you. Good luck.

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How do i get out of this rut?

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