Who can I go to, who can replace what's supposed to be "family"?

Question

In my family there is no one I can trust, no one. My friends say that they can talk to their parents about anything. Whenever I visit them they always seem to have a good relationship with their parents. It's different for me. Every time I ask my mom for help, or try to talk to her about something that happened to me, it becomes a huge argument, and I always end up feeling like a load of s***. I don't know my father, and my brother (who is an adult) is constantly working, has a family of his own, and never has time for me. Even when he does, If I try to talk to him about something, it doesn't work out and there is always an awkward silence between us. There is no trust, or understanding between me or my family members at all.

In school the teachers always say to go to your parents for this and that, and people encourage others to build up their bonds with their family. What should I, a person with no bonds with the family, do? Where can I go when my friends can't give me advice? Who can I share my achievements with, without sounding like I'm bragging, and without being shot down like a piece of crap?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately I've been through something similar, but it wasn't through my parents disregard but absence, and my brothers had too much in association with me, too many conflicting thoughts, so I went to the school counsellor, detached, objective and can cut straight to the point. When I was working stuff out, it was quite depressing because to get feel better you have to go to the extremes of the opposite end of the spectrum as far as you can go, when you feel totally cornered and your rage builds up and then when you hopefully have the help of your counsellor it is a make or break situation. And when you come up again with so much to gains d this mountain comes off your chest; when you have cut away all the conflicting crap and emotions that muddle your thoughts, you see life in the best of lights, it warm and kind, your confidence is insurmountable, and when life is that good, you don't need someone to tell you how good you are, you know you are, and that feeling sticks with you forever nothing stops you, you are unique in that you have overcome the greatest if battles you will hopefully ever have to face, you are your own person who can step away from the group and be yourself. It isn't easy you willfeel like it can never get better but it can, and will. You just have to have the guts to stick it out and know that it will get better and how good the result is. Quoting a very bad film "the juice is worth the squeeze"

D, The Writer · Answer

I too couldn't go to my parents for anything. I often went to my friends, friend's older siblings and parents and created bonds that way. I'm not religious, but there was this one pastor that was patient and even had a little humor about the fact I didn't believe in what he did about the afterlife, but when it came down to family and things I was going through we had a lot more in common than I thought. You just have to develop those bonds. It takes time and effort. I never have immediately connected with anyone.

Anonymous · Answer

Try talking to your Pastor, or become friends with a local homeless person or whino.

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Who can I go to, who can replace what's supposed to be "family"?

3 Answers