Why is being solitary and celibate seen as being unhealthy by modern society?

I love it when people "feel bad" for you for being single, yet you hear them either complain about their partners, or worse yet, hear first hand how they are with each other. And if they are in a somewhat stable relationship, it's boring as heck! One coworker in his 50s always mentions what he and his wife did and I'm immediately bored! Not necessarily by what they did, but HE'S so boring!

Ironically, I have the same dilemma as you. I felt "alone" in being alone. I got a book called "Positive Solitude" and ever since I started reading it I feel better about wanting to be alone. I thought I was being odd, but I was reminded of how solitude can be of great benefit to me.

I thought I was missing out on something. But why try to force myself to doing something I don't want, mainly socializing just to appear "normal"? I've never felt better since embracing my desire for solitude. I also feel very much liberate.

<<<The other day I read in a newspaper that people who are not in a sexually active relationship are more prone to dying younger and even getting depressed and suicidal.

Yet I have been on my own now for over 9 years and I feel liberated.>>>

Prone means "more likely"... the fact that it works out for some people doesn't change that current studies show it won't work out for most people.

Personally, I think it depends on a person's reason for doing it. Where the choice is coming from-- is it a choice, actually? Because for some people it could simply be an unhealthy defense mechanism-- keeping a distance from others.

I think a person can find satisfaction and a healthy lifestyle in celebacy-- if the person is balanced and making the choice for good reasons.

If it's simply out of fear of intimacy or being hurt, out of an unhealthy attitude towards sex (like if someone was raised to believe it dirty or shameful) or a fear of sex (such as someone who had been raped and traumatized) then it's not healthy at all. \

Same thing with sex-- people can have sex with multiple partners and still have a healthy attitude and lifestyle.

But then there are people who are promiscuous due to addiction to sex (a form of escapism), due to low self image and self esteem, exploiting themselves for money/attention, etc.-- that would not be healthy.

You are asking two dfifferent questions here. The first, solitary and celibate as being unhealthy. People feel that you need other people to have a full life. That relationships are important. That you willl live longer. The second question? Hypersexualized? I think sex is just trivialized. It's an automatic anymore. I don't think you are wrong to believe that having sex with someone just for the physical sensation isn't genuine. With men, they can have sex without the emotional attachments usually. Women and sex is more of a mental sensation. I believe sex is more powerful and fulfilling when you are in love with someone. Nowadays I view sex as a weapon. It is dangerous, just like owning a gun, driving drunk. People are not aware of the dangers involved with indiscriminate sex despite the warnings. A good sex life is beneficial to your body but this is a steady commited idea. Not the one night rocks' off you are speaking of. Brothel? I think those are more for fantasies fulfilled. People not in the right relationship where you can share these with your partner. Since you are male, you would be viewed as weird because you are not pursuing sex. Me, as a female? I am viewed as virtuous. But I would not be viewed as weird if I were pursuing, I would be viewed in a derogatory manner. Some things don't change. Cheating seems to be horribly popular. It is a hurtful act. Disrespectful all the way around. Has less to do with sex than with lack of character. I don't think we are incomplete without someone else but it is saddening that you don't have someone to share life with. And I mean that about myself as well. I find that getting to know me is never the goal. The goal is to get me in the sack. It seems to be expected after a few dates. No thanks.

I like myself too much.

Life is a difficult balance sometimes. To a degree, solitariness and celibacy for their own sake are seen as odd because humans are social and sexual animals.

That being said, if your choices make you happy, then why not? While many people would probably prefer both the companionship and physical benefits that some sort of intimate partner provide, not wanting that isn't inherently bad.

I don't think the world has become hypersexualized to the point of self-delusion, but I do think that quite a few people overdo whatever the new accepted 'thing' is, and for this generation, one of those things is sex.

We are living in a sick society, John. People are going to justify immoral behaviors any way they can. One study does not establish a fact. You have to look at the definitions and the groups that were surveyed. On one hand, human beings are social creatures. We are hardwired to be around each other and to pair up. Nothing wrong with that. Also, a symptom or characteristic of severe mental illness is withdrawal and isolation. This very fact will skew the results of any study that looks at isolation as a component. Introverts are no more emotionally unhealthy than extroverts. Any study that says otherwise is biased. Introversion and extroversion are personality traits on a continuum.

Because people have a problem with projecting what makes them happy (or depressed) on others. They just automatically assume that if something makes them happy (or depressed), then others should feel exactly the same, and that's not always the case.

I think people can be happy or depressed, in any situation, if that's what they want to be. If someone wants to be depressed, they will be...and if a person wants to be happy, they will be...no matter what the situation is.

>> Is our new world of sensation hypersexualised to the point of self delusion? <<

That would be a Yes.

You are not wrong to be more reserved sexually.

We as a society have become all too dependent on sex and intimacy for happiness. We see it advertised at every corner, we hear it from our peers. We've convinced ourselves that we all want is sex and it's all that we're looking for. With the modern scientific outlook on life, we are nothing more than organisms seeking reproduction. As a result we've been taught that sex is our ultimate purpose.

But sex cannot bring one happiness and it certainly can't bring one self reliance. For one to have a truly balanced mind and peaceful life one must have a discreet attitude towards sex. We shouldn't view sex as something we need to live happily, but rather as something to enjoy after we've become self assured and self secure.

Well I am lonely and alone, a lack of human contact has definitely made me ill, that may not be true for everyone, everyone is unique, this statement is just a sweeping generalisation, loneliness and isolation will effect people differently, but I expect for the majority of people it will effect them negatively, as the desire to look after others and procreate is evolutionary, it within our genes and hormones for the vast majority of people to want to procreate and find love, and so supressing these instincts is likely to have negative effects, it has on me

Only you know the righy answer to your own question. Thus I leave you with this from the Teachings of Silvanus.

Entrust Yourself to God Alone.

Entrust yourself to God alone, both as father, and as friend. For everyone goes about in deceit. The whole earth is full of suffering and pain, things in which there is no profit. If you wish to lead your life in tranquility, do not keep company with anyone. Even if you do keep company with them, be as if you do not. Be pleasing to God and you will not need anyone.

* * * *

I've been happily married for over 35 years and our souls have become one with a God few find. If my mate should pass before I do, then all I need and will survive with is within me already. My heavenly Father above.

God bless

Yes, our world is definitely hypersexualized and it's not a good thing. People become bored with sex and society talks about trying to "spice things up" in the bedroom. They never mention how maybe they were having too much sex and were too lustful in the first place and maybe if they were less attached to sex and had it less often and only did it when it was deeply meaningful then they wouldn't be in the position of being so bored with it. But regardless, everything becomes boring eventually, sex, jobs, children, hobbies, life, etc. The nature of life is dissatisfaction/unsatisfactoriness. This is just normal.

And you are absolutely right about these peoples' relationships causing them lots of misery but yet they are still so attached to it and can't imagine being without it. It's like a heroin addict, his addiction causes him and unimaginable amount of misery on an extremely regular basis and yet he can hardly imagine life without it and he can't bear to give it up. People are addicted to relationships. Their relationships bring them a lot of misery (in many cases) but they are so incredibly addicted and so deluded about the nature of their addiction that they can't imagine giving up their addiction to relationships or sex.

You are perfectly normal. It is society that is messed up, not you. Trust me.