My husband and I are separated; he sent me a Valentine's card?

You sound like a pretty intelligent woman, so I won't be as hard on you as I would be the women who write these stories with poor grammar and all sorts of stupid errors. However, I will be blunt. I am also the 2nd wife. I have had many a fight with my husband along these same lines (distance part not included) so, the one thing I am going to single out in your posing is this: "It makes me feel unloved and invalidated when he puts her first. Just because I am the second wife does not mean I am second best!" His actions aren't making you feel this way- your own insecurities are creating these feelings for you. Don't blame your husband- he is probably jumping when she snaps because he has the best interests of his children at the forefront. You are automatically assuming it is for HER- which causes you to be jealous and insecure. There is nothing more UNATTRACTIVE than an insecure woman. Once I realized that my husband truly love ME and anything he does for the ex is only for the children I was able to let go of the bitterness. I actually feel sorry for the ex now. She is a pathetic woman who can't do a damn thing for herself. But that has no bearing on my life with MY HUSBAND now. This would help you solve one part of your problem. The distance thing is another issue. Did you marry him knowing he traveled a great deal? If so, I think you need to cut him some slack in that area as well. Again, we go back to your self esteem. You should be secure enough in your own self and abilities to fill your time while he is gone. It is natural to miss him while he is gone, but find a hobby, take class, volunteer, do whatever you can to become a more self-actualized person and not just someone's WIFE. I think you need to give him and your marriage some more time. You asked him to move back within a week. Stay separated for awhile. Work on yourself while he is gone. Let him miss you a bit. Sounds like he does love you, so you have to give him a reason to want to come back home. Be strong and show him what he is missing out on!!

Valentine Cards For Husband

What's so confusing? He's telling you he'll always love you. And he probably will, even if you guys break up. Accept it.

As for mixed messages, I'm sure he regrets leaving you, and the card is his way of reaching out to tell you he still cares for you. You apparently want him back, so you need to have a long talk with him about your problems and what it's going to take to fix them. You need to be honest with him and he needs to be honest with you. Sometimes time apart from one another can be a good, healing thing. That time helps the both of you realize that the feelings for one another are still strong, and it gives you time to think about the issues and what may need to be done to fix them. After a while, though, you need to face it and get busy fixing them with him.

As for the ex and the kids, there's something you need to understand: he's not putting HER first or YOU second. He has children and he loves them and like most good fathers, he'll do anything for them. At times, that means jumping when their mother makes some kind of demand. Look, if he still cared for HER, he wouldn't have divorced her and married YOU. He's not putting her first and you second and invalidating you. They are his children. You are his wife. That's the way it is.

The fact is that as long as those kids are in her home, he's going to need to be there for them. Perhaps there's a way you can get more involved with him and them. I don't know the circumstances, but maybe being in the picture in some supportive way would make your feel better about the situation.

Good luck. And don't give up.

There are no mixed messages here.

He loves you and really doesn't''t want a divorce but he can't live with you unless you change.

He is not at home but is carrying on as if it the usual.

This is his error.

Your error is thinking that dealing with his EX and children puts you in a second position.

I'm guessing you are still carrying on with that.

He sent you a card professing love and you are still going on about all that's wrong.

Maybe there is some correlation there, don't you think?

He probably does want to come home but he does not want to come home to the person you are right now. Maybe you should take the chip of your shoulder and get on with your marriage.....or NOT.

Right no you seem to be the issue more than the EX.

Put it this way. Life is a temporary and short experience on earth.

What do you want from it?

The thing might be that you are alone and need somebody who loves you and care for you. His card might just be a reminder of where you are stuck in life.

If you want him, then be very assertive and firm and talk to him. It does not matter if he was at fault or you were or who should say what first. No one should be playing games and messing around. Be direct and straight forward and you will find your answer.

Unless the guy has some issues, (then after all these years). Dump him.

That is the most common complaint women have about men. They don't understand them. And actually men say the same thing about women.

First, Know what you want out of the relationship. Give yourself some time and really think about it, before you respond to him. Not to let me stew or get back at him. But for yourself.

Now if all you want is to stay friends and understand him there is a great website called menandrelationshipreview.com It helped me a lot after I made 2 big mistakes with my husband. But if you want him back that is a whole different issue. That website will help, but you can also take a look at beirresistibletoaman.com. Both will help you, once you decide what YOU want.

I see it as he loves you, but he can't live with you. Love isn't enough, there are practical parts to life that sometimes love just can't overcome. Seems like that may be the message.

You're really wrong about something very key here though, you will always be the "second wife". His first wife has his kids, and that often trumps a second family. You knew that, or should have, when you married him. You'll always have to deal with a family that you married into. You see, she has his kids. If she wants to, she can make life very difficult for him. You know that, but you don't believe it in your heart. You think you should be primary. Maybe you should be, but what you want isn't real life for the family you married into.

Best Wishes,

I think the saddest type of love is the one that is so intense but also not good for you. Personally, I once knew that type of love but I knew that it would never work.

You both love one another and it is still fresh where you can get outside help.

If you love him as I believe you do then fight for it.

Make things right because you don't want to hear from him years later when you have healed and made a new life for yourself.

Do it now or just let it go. Just remember love gives you one chance to fight for it and that is now for you. Okay?

Best of luck to you.

Peace/ .

I wouldn't take this to mean anything more than what it really is. Just a Valentine's card. Neither of you are with anyone. So it's sort of like you're 'adopting' each other for today so you're not completely alone and missing out or feeling left out.

It's a nice gesture,but I wouldn't take it as him wanting to get back together. Especially in taking into consideration your recent conversations. If this card was meant to try to 'win' you back. He would have hinted to that effect before now.

All you need is a digital camera that can record video. Record a nice video... say what you want to say... wear whatever you want to wear. If he normally brings the camera witht him, then just leave the memory card in there. If he doesn't... place the memory card in his wallet before he goes. The next time he calls you... tell him that you have a suprise for him in his wallet, and say it will be up to him on how to view the Valentines Day suprise. I hope this works!!!